1 The Art of Pretending

We are introduced to the art of pretending at an early age. Most of us were scared of monsters underneath the bed, so what did our parents tell us?

"Pretend that the monster isn't there and it will go away."

And the monsters did go away. Most of us scraped our legs and arms while playing outside, and what did our parents tell us?

"It's nothing if you don't look at it and pretend it doesn't hurt."

We end up going through kindergarten, elementary school, and middle school pretending that the monsters underneath our beds aren't real and that our scratches don't hurt, when in reality, we are suffering more than ever.

Of course, the monsters aren't real, but no one tells the little boy or the little girl that things don't go away if you choose to ignore them.

We grow up to be teenagers. We pretend we don't care about anything but ourselves because not caring is cool, right? Your friends will think you're amazing if you just keep saying you don't give a shit, won't they?

"As long as you pretend that you don't care, people will think you're super cool."

We're cool if we don't care, yet we actually care too much about what everyone else thinks. We care what we look like. In fact, we care so much that we go to extremes to try and get to a point where we're completely happy with ourselves. We care so much about pretending not to care that some of us end up losing ourselves.

As we continue to mature and get older we are told, "Pretend that they're in love with you when they bully you."

No one tells us that there is a big difference between friendly teasing and bullying. We're being told to pretend like someone loves us when they harass us or just bully us, when in truth, they're nothing but rude. They deserve to be called out.

We grow up as the bullies because we were told that if you love someone you should pretend to dislike them. We grow up as the victims who pretend they're okay when they're not. We pretend that we're not hurt by other people's actions because we were told to pretend that we don't care about anything, and the monster goes away if we pretend it isn't there.

"I was told to pretend to be stupid so that the guy I like thinks I'm cute and not superior to him."

What is it with people telling you to pretend to be stupid so people will like you? Are we really going to pretend like any of that is okay to tell a teenager? Pretend. Lay down your pride.

"I was told to pretend to care about her so she will open up to me."

There is a lot of pretending and avoiding going on in our teens. We pretend we don't see the things that are wrong with most of what we're being told. We pretend we're okay with it all. We act like there's nothing wrong, when most of us are far from being okay. Most of us pretend to survive, yet we are barely doing so.

We spend days wondering if it's over yet. We wait for the time to reopen our eyes. We pretend that this is as hard as it gets so we get to ride the rest of the roller coaster down the hill. We spend hours wondering what it feels like to really cry.

Growing older means that you're realizing that some of the things you were being told when you were younger are stupid. Some of us outgrow the bully phase, some of us outgrow the indifferent phase, some of us outgrow the incompetence phase, and some of us outgrow the act of love phase. But what is it that all of us keep holding onto?

"Pretend that the monster isn't there and it will go away."

We grow up thinking that ignoring out monsters or problems will make us happy in the end, when it actually ends up tearing some of us apart. We grow up ignoring our problems and our feelings when we should really talk about them.

"I pretend that I do not love you so it will be easier for me to pretend not to get hurt by any of your words."

Why is it that a lot of us go through the world with the art of pretending mastered at an early age? Just because we were scared of the monsters under our bed? Just because we were too scared to look underneath the bed to see for ourselves that there isn't any monster for us to be scared of?

What would have happened if we hadn't been told to pretend that it doesn't hurt when it actually hurts like hell? When all we wanted to do was cry and tell someone that we're hurt and that we need someone to tell us that it's going to be alright instead of telling us we should act like everything is okay? When is it our turn to break down? When can we pull off the mask we wear everyday? When can you see us as we truly are?

"I know there isn't a monster underneath my bed because I looked."

"It's okay to cry if it hurts."

"I care about what you say, and that makes me no less than any of you."

"I know you are not in love with me."

"I am strong, fast, and smart, and if you're not cool with that, then you don't deserve me."

"I am sorry for pretending to care."

"I love you."