Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance

I had been woken up again, this time it was the nurse with the medicines, not sure what those were for since I was all healed up, but I didn't want to make a fuss so I just took them. Then the nurse brought in my parents, who were really worried that I had been asleep for so long and wanted to know if I was alright. The nurse let them know that the doctor had already visited me in the morning and had given me stronger medicine that must have caused the sleepiness and according to the doctor I was alright. There was a little chance of it being infected so I was to be given some medicines just to be safe and handed the bottle with the medicines and the dosage to them.

Before the Nurse left she said that there was no restriction on visitors for me and my other friends and family could visit. So my mom went out and came back in with my brother and some of my classmates. Billy, Kal, Sunny, and Anna had all come to the hospital. They had gone to visit Nebula in the morning and she was going to be let out of the hospital and was filling out the forms with her mother and was going to come to see me later before she left. Everyone wanted to know what happened and how we got hurt since Nebula didn't remember anything after getting changed and going out to meet me. I told them the cover story that we had concocted last night.

"As I came out of the school building with Nebula, I could hear some loud announcements so we went towards the speakers through the trees and heard the announcement and decided to the outer route of the ground which is longer but was likely to be empty. While going back we were passing by one of the larger stands and I suddenly it got dark, I looked up saw the top of the stand falling back towards us so I caught hold of Nebula by her waist and jumped back. I at least tried to jump back but there was this metal rod that was loose and it swung out as I was tried to jump back, so instead, I had to take a dive. I landed on my right, but we landed a little awkwardly and hit our heads on the ground."

"How did your left arm break if you landed with Nebula on your right arm?," asked Kal as soon as I finished.

"Well that I don't remember, I mean I know I did get a bruise on my right forearm, but Nebula is pretty light and didn't really hurt much. I was told the guys who found me told the Doctor that my arm had a steel beam that had gone through it that the paramedic had to pull out. I guess I didn't really dodge that stupid beam. But the good thing is I didn't get a concussion. I might have fainted from the pain and don't remember it coz according to the doctor, I didn't really have a head wound. Also, I guess now ill have a matching scar on my left arm to the one on my right that I got from you Aaron" I said as turned to my brother.

"Hey, I didn't do it on purpose and that one is really small not a broken arm." retorted Aaron getting angry.

"OK that's it no fighting, this is a hospital." interrupted my mom before I began to say something."Let us go, Aaron, also you guys don't stay too long he needs to rest, you can come to meet him tomorrow" said my mom as she dragged Aaron out and went home with my dad.

Once she left, I talked with my friends about how the carnival was and what all I had missed and I told them how I had waited an hour for Nebula to get ready in that classroom. After almost an hour there was a knock on the door and Nebula walked in. As she walked in Anna coughed and the guys looked at each other, said they had to leave, said goodbye and left.

Anna came towards me gave me a hug, and whispered into my ear " bye, have fun !!!" and then left the room closing the door behind her. I didn't let it show on my face. This was going to be a tough conversation and I didn't need to complicate matters. I was going to make a lot of people angry with me and there was nothing that was going to make it any easier.

I pushed myself up to sit on my bed without regard to my supposedly broken arm and asked Nebula to come and sit close to me on the bed. I held her hands and was trying to figure out how to explain this completely crazy situation to her but things just got weirder as she held up the arm with my cast and said: "This must be the new self-contained carbon polymer blend cast that they were building, they rolled this out already or maybe you are special for everyone and not just me so you get to have the latest tech they have available."

She then looked at my gobsmacked expression and smiled and leaned forward to kiss me but I put my hands on her shoulders and stopped her and said: "Who is this 'They' that you are talking about?"

"Really You want me to say it out loud? OK, by 'they' I mean the Strategic Hazard Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Directorate. That is the official name but we junior level people just refer to it as SHIELD"

"Oh great just what I needed to make this more complicated, more red tape issues. So how much do you know of what happened last night and the reasons behind it?"

"Uhh that's complicated, I can tell you I have level 1 clearance which I recently got when I completed my 1st PhD and got admitted to Science division for after I graduate High School."

"Great more nonsense. What is level 1 clearance but I do know about the Science division and since when do you have a PhD? I am not that smart but why aren't you top of the class if you have a PhD in anything at all?"

"Well, level 1 clearance is the lowest level of clearance you can get essentially an entry level person. Also, I resent that comment about class scores, I am supposed to stay low key so I don't pique the interest of other people."

"So you are also part of Coulson's project with that another long name? Also, do your parents know?"

"No, I am not sure who that is or what project you are talking about, which means you can't tell me about it. And my parents only know that it is some sort of genius grant not who or what they are exactly. They aren't really sure if I am as much of a genius as these people think I am but since its a grant for further education they don't care."

"OK do you know who knocked you out, I am not asking you to tell me who it was only that you tell me if you know who it was and why?"

"Uhh, No, I don't know who it was or why. All that information is part of Special projects so it's far above my clearance level."

"Great so I can't discuss anything with you at all, it does get worse, he should have just ignored that stupid age rule and let me test for Operations and join up now instead of waiting for me to graduate that would have made things so much easier. "

She got excited and shouted "OMG, you are going to test into operations on graduating? How did you swing that?" and then jumped to give me a hug but I jumped off the bed away from us. She looked at me said: "What's wrong? That's the second time you got away from me, the 1st time you were surprised so I understood, what's wrong now?"

"I uh, I am not sure how to say this. why don't you sit down and let me explain."

"OK, you are now scaring me what's wrong?"

"Nebula just sit down for a bit and let me explain alright. So the situation is like this, that I can't be with you for now."

"Is that some kind of undercover situation where we can't be together before we join the academy. that's ok there is no point in getting worried over it."

"Nebula stop, I am being serious here, I can't do this. We can't be together, it's not a SHIELD related issue and it's not you, it's me alright. There are certain things at play that are 'far' above your clearance level and I can't tell you about."

"Let me get this straight, you are breaking up with me and I don't have clearance to know why."

"When you put it like that it feels like it would have been better if I had lied and said that I don't Love you anymore but I ..."

she interrupted me and shouted at me"Wait a minute, If I wasn't part of SHIELD You would have said that you didn't love me anymore. Don't "Love" me anymore. You never actually said you loved me in the first place."

I realized then that I had made a mistake and this day was just gonna keep getting worse and said: "Yes see the thing is I do Love you, I was gonna tell you last night before all this happened but It's all in the past now. Please, you have to understand how hard this is and not make it any more difficult than it already is. I am doing this for your good. I am not good enough for you and neither is it safe for you to be with me. Do you understand what I am trying to say here?"

She started getting even angrier and said: "No, I don't understand what you are trying to say since you haven't actually said anything that can be understood as all you said is it's above my clearance"

She then got up and stood in front of me and said: "There is no one here, just tell me what the problem is? It's possible I might be able to help resolve the issue alright, you don't have to do this."

"Nebula listen to me, There is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. It's not something that anyone else can fix, it's just me, no one can help, I will try to figure this out but it might take a few days or weeks or months. But as far as I understand it's likely to be years or even a decade or 2. You are 16 years old, I can't ask you to wait that long. I was standing in the way of you living your life. "

Now she started crying. She stepped closer to me as I stepped away and said: "You don't have to ask me to wait if its something that can be fixed, just tell me and forget about SHIELD, Ill help you with it. Don't do this to me."

"I am sorry you have to understand, this is much more dangerous than you can believe. I can't let you do this. I know it's difficult for you and I know that because I love you too as I know you do too."

She kept walking towards me as she sobbed and tears flowed from her eyes and I kept stepping back till I hit the wall. When she kept getting closer I picked up the pillow and put it between us and told her "Nebula please stop coming closer, it's not safe alright don't do this, you are just 16, you will get over me and find someone new. You will be in the Science Academy next year, it will open up the world to you. Please don't make me do this."

Then she stopped and stepped back and sat down on the edge of the bed. I picked up a clean hand towel from the side table and came and crouched down in front of her and wiped her face with it.

"I am really sorry about this Nebula, I hope you feel better soon stay here, wash your face then go out, I am going out for a walk. I will try and stay away from you, so take care, bye ."

"OK I get it bye."

Then I got up and walked out and went to the park and ran laps around the park and the only thing I could think about while running was how she just behaved like I was dying and not just breaking up with her. The irony of the situation that had I sayed with her she could have died and the impact of the pain of everything that had just happened hit me and I lay down on a bench and laughed while tearing up and realized I too had just gone through the 5 stages of grief and arrived at Acceptance. All that was left to do was to get on with my life and find a solution to my problem.

What I didn't know at this time was that on the other side of the park on the 2nd floor window was my room where Anna was standing with Nebula looking out the window into the park at the 16 year old boy lying on that bench laughing and crying at the same time, dealing with grief all alone. Anna then hugged Nebula who was sobbing softly and took her out of the room and took her back to her house.