1 The Awakening

I never thought I would write anything about myself; My life was and still is nothing but continuous boredom and sadness. Nothing good has happened to me since I woke up in this godforsaken village, chained to my bed, counting the days until this nightmare ends.

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Because of the amnesia, I felt as though my brain health wasn't a priority like other organs that become ill or damaged. Every day it felt like I was just an annoyance, having to suck it up and get over myself. If you fall, the world won't wait for you or anybody else, people only care about themselves, and in the end, who am I to talk about that, I am just a girl... A nobody with no past and certainly no future.

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Writing my life was a pain, but on the other hand, I had nothing else to do... People kept telling me stuff like "You are the one who controls your future." and other crap. The usual cheering up discussions, when a stranger is trying to give you a life lesson or advice... The seconds later you realize that you don't even know each other and the person is just a selfish piece of shit, try to comfort himself while mirroring you as the example that must be fixed... That meaningless positivity based on empty arguments and facts that were heard from someone else has always made me sick. At least this memoir is something that I can keep for myself, my secret box with all of my secrets, my life lessons, tragedies and drama because I am an emotional one. Hopefully that if one day, I will lose my self again, because of amnesia or any other reasons... after reading these notes, I will remember...

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13th of February 2174: I remember it as if that was yesterday, I woke up in a very large bedroom, there was barely any furniture in there. A woman in her late thirties who named herself Ilona ran towards me and hugged me so hard I could barely breathe. She told me that she was unbelievably happy to see me and that from now 'Everything is going to be all right'.

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It was an odd feeling of seeing someone being so delighted to see me, when Ipersonally had no clue who she was. She looked so excited, kept running around and occasionally touching my face as if she wanted to reassure that I am alive or something; That was hilarious to watch her hands constantly holding her head expressing a shock. That's, how I met Ilona for the first time in my life.

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The room where I stayed smelled nice and somehow familiar, probably that's what put me at ease, and since I felt safe...kind of, I just kept watching things happening.

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I tried to remember how I got here in the first place and how long have I spent in this bedroom, but my head felt dizzy; I thought that was just a simple migraine strike.

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Ilona kept mentioning that "Today is a very special day", and that we should celebrate it all together. When I asked her, who is "all"; She ran out of the room and then brought another person who was accompanied by some kids, that's how I've met her sister, Inzali.

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The first time I saw Inzali in person. I told to myself "Wow, that person looks gorgeous". When you think of it, Inzali has always looked nice and kind, she had one of these facial structures that you just can't imagine looking angry or grumpy; Plus, she has always had that 'Lovely Aura' around herself, I think it is natural.

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When she entered the room, the breeze made her hair moving, that was a beautiful sight, her dark hair glowed like water reflections under the full moon. I think that Inzali is the only person who has never changed towards me during all these years...

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When she approached the bed, we just looked at each other for like ten, fifteen seconds before she spoke, I was so charmed by her beauty and her tender voice that I would accept everything she would've said to me. Just by being noticed, I felt blessed, all the concerns that were tormenting me from the moment I've woke up, disappeared at once.

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After a lovely discussion about everything and nothing, I hadn't seen Inzali for quite a while, I remember being a little bit sad because of that; Don't get me wrong, Ilona was always nice but... She is different.

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Later the same evening I asked Ilona what were we supposed to celebrate exactly; She said: "You were reborn and granted a new life exactly a year ago". Even now, a whole year after that, I still don't understand what she meant by that.

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1st of March: Most of the time I stayed in the bedroom, my body was in a wreak. Whenever I tried to ask Ilona about what happened before the 12th of February, or where my parents were; These simple questions a normal person would ask...She always said that I should not mind about that for now. So, I kept waiting for the right moment.

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3rd of March: On that day we went to see a doctor, his name was something like "Lormant" or "Dorman". For some reason, I've associated him with a "Pear", extremely small head and a large body, and I know it is not nice of making fun from people, but he really does look like it...I am sure I'll go to hell for that one.

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Apparently, I have something they call the "Retrograde Amnesia", that's basically a loss of memory access to events that occurred before an injury or a traumatic event. He also said that it is not something that will prevent me from a healthy lifestyle in the future and that there are chances that I may recover my memories at some point. After that Ilona asked me to leave the room because she wanted to talk to him in private... I was so innocent back then, so yeah. I just obeyed and waited outside.

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5th of March: For some reason, Ilona kept pushing me to join the church. "Obsessed" would not be enough to describe her spiritual bonds with "That Saviour Blessings" of hers, obviously I had to hear all her religious stuff, she was kinda forcing me to read some of her books about saint spirits and other related topics, some of them were interesting, majority of them not. To be honest, that was a little bit exasperating, but since she was taking care of me the whole day because my body was still weak, I guess that's what they call "Give and Take".

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10th of March: The feeling of curiosity slowly transformed into pure frustration. Memory loss is so much worse than anyone can possibly imagine, I had to live with that every day. I would rather cut off my own limbs than be like that. At least my body was doing better. Paradoxically, it was quite tiresome to spend most of my time on the bed doing nothing, days were long and monotone. I dreamed to go out, make friends, do some stupid stuff...To get a life...

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15th of March: Back then my former self believed to everything Ilona would tell me. On the other side, that was normal because we were seeing each other literally every day.

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Everday I had my dose of "We will talk about that later" or "I have no time for this" coming from Ilona whenever I was begging her to tell me any kind of information about what happened to me before I got here. After hearing the same kind of excuses on a daily basis, I started to get mad at her for ignoring my requests all the time. All this stuff going on in my head that I cannot explain, random flashbacks without any context, I had enough of everything.

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Tired of reading the same books over and over, sitting the whole day without being able to move, the whole dependence was killing me from the inside, and on top of that, Ilona and her secrets! Her hospitality began to change into a burden, or so I thought.

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23th of March: That morning, If I am correct, I was alone at home the whole day. Despite the bad weather, I remember that when I woke up, I went to the bathroom and I forgot the cane Ilona had given me. On my way, I've realized that I could move my body without experiencing any muscular pain! That was one of the best days of my life. I was dancing and singing until I've totally lost my voice. When the rain stopped and I got totally exhausted, I went outside and climbed all the way up to the roof of our mansion, I felt I could have climbed the highest mountain in the world in no time. Up there, the cold breeze that was coming from the lake felt so refreshing and agreeable, I felt like I was born for that day.

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1st of April: Tired of constantly waiting for things to happen, I decided that it was time to react.

My first mission was to steal the key from their "Office room". I've spent the whole night looking for clues about my past, about my true self... To be honest, even now I am asking myself if all that was worth it; Maybe I should have just kept living my once peaceful life as Ilona always wanted, because sometimes the truth we are seeking, is not necessarily the truth that waits for us at the end of that narrow tunnel we call life...