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At a Ukrainian Orthodox Church in New York, a funeral for the late Spider-Man is held. Mr. Ditkovich, the priest, leads the service.
All who come wear black. The casket isn't very big...and not to mention body-less. Instead, rubble from buildings of whose occupants Spider-Man once valiantly protected is placed inside. No one's found Spider-Man's body...or so much as his suit.
The organ plays a very slow-paced and sepulchral rendition of the Spider-Man theme song. With luck, this won't be the last time the song is played...
A black Latino boy, Miles Morales, sits in the front pew. He's just as depressed as everyone else who's arrived.
Other high-profile guests who've arrived include Dr. Strange, Mr. Fantastic, King T'Challa of Wakanda, Carol Danvers, Peter Quill, Danny Rand, Victor Alvarez, Sam Wilson, Jane Thor Foster, Clint Barton, Bobbi Morse, Johnny Storm, Crystal, Karnak, Matt Murdock, Maya Lopez, Amadeus Cho, Kitty Pryde, Bobby Drake, Mary Walker, and Frank Castle.
Professor X sits with his X-Men, who've also arrived to revere the fallen hero. Capt. Britain, Namor, Cloak, Dagger, Forge, Nightcrawler, Blink, Xorn, Emma Frost, Gambit, Darwin, Quicksilver, Deadpool, Mystique, Rachel Grey, and Daken all sit in this pew.
Farther back, other guests include Nick Fury, Harold Hogan, Alphonso Mackenzie, Elena Rodriguez, the cyborg Jemma Simmons/Deathlok, Hank McCoy, Agent J, Frank the Pug, Dinah Madani, David Lieberman, and Daisy Johnson.
Behind all of the other pews, Maria Hill and Riri Williams keep to themselves, and exchange whispers and murmurs. They think they know who killed Spider-Man...
The organ stops playing. Ned Leeds, a boy who knew Spider-Man personally, steps up to recite a eulogy.
In the pews, Happy Hogan resists the urge to bawl. Elena Rodriguez bumps his shoulder-with her prosthetic arms, which initially creeps Hogan out-and offers him a tissue.
Frank Castle smiles, and listens to the eulogy. Somehow, he always knew the kid would die a hero...
From behind her, Forge drops a tablet in Maya Lopez's lap. It translates Leeds's eulogy for her deaf needs.
Tandy Bowen and Ty Johnson embrace each other, while Bowen sobs shiny tears. Johnson subtly teleports her tears into the ocean.
Amadeus Cho tears up, but doesn't cry. Parker was like a brother to him.
Johnny Storm tears up too. Parker was even more like a brother to him.
Deadpool doesn't say a word. Everyone's impressed...
Rachel Grey resists the temptation to attract the Phoenix into the church during the funeral. But it isn't easy, and the funeral lasts a long time...
Telepathically, she hears someone's thoughts. She recognizes the thought-voice of their owner. She smiles sweetly, and rests at ease. It's always good to hear the friendly neighborhood thoughts of...
Her eyes bug. She grabs Daken's bulky arm.
"What's," Akihiro whispers, "the matter? Is the Dark Phoenix coming again?"
Rachel shakes her head, eyes still gawking. "Don't tell anyone now," she whispers, "but I don't think Parker's dead."
In the top box of the church, Virginia Potts and her daughter Morgan survey the funeral. Sitting together, they look like two parts of a blonde Russian doll.
Ms. Potts cries, and uses plenty of tissues. She remembers how much her late husband used to have faith in the Parker boy.
Morgan just sits there, like a sitting statue, wondering where her next meal will come from. She's worn a black low-cut to the funeral...which is to the delight of the funeral's most unexpected guest of all...
Morgan wears a heart-shaped pendant around her neck. And at this moment, it plays host to a little more than a gem...
Like a very small bug, Parker hangs upside down from the topside of the pendant, wearing nothing but a pair of black briefs. He's living in a real-life Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn fantasy: getting to attend his own funeral.
As you can see, Mystira's reality-warping powers didn't kill Parker. They belittled him. But for the time being, Parker isn't upset. He just can't stop staring down into the deep dark crater that makes up the space between Morgan's mountainous boobs...
He's almost tempted to swing on down into Capt. Danvers's downblouse, to see how much of his breath hers take away... But that'll have to wait; he's got some old men and their weird pendants to protect...
Aw, but surely they can wait. As Peter's aunt keeps so boldly pointing out, he never gets to spend much time with the beautiful daughter of his late mentor, after all...
