3 Chapter 3: Force will

Teenager's girls from time to time intent to get a little bit cocky, especially when they are from a rich back ground, they even sometimes brags about things in that they have an what they don't in their lives on other teenager girls who are poor even having all these mixed feelings and reactions about boys!! For me as an teenager it wasn't like that for me, I never get those types of opportunity not even to have mix-feelings or mix-reaction for boy are of my kind!!!! lol!! not even to have a boyfriend for myself!! I would surely get my back hit out LOL!! what am saying 😄!! O 😲 I for got there was this one incident that happen to me, causing my teenager wood to being taken away from me by this unscrupulous guy, I wouldn't say he's a man! I say he's a monster 👿 the devil's son who believes that he can get any girls he wants and think that I am an no-body and my integrity doesn't even count for him because I am a girls home girl, all though he never raped me but it seems as if he did, when he forces me to have sex with him against my own will and I refuses to but when he sees that he never stop an stop pressuring me still, one day he caught me off guard when I never expected it,unexpectedly!!. he take me away with him to a far-out place, I was crying cause I never wanted to happen to me!! but I did it because I didn't want to be his victim!! even though I know that I'm a victim of pair-pressure😟😞☹️😞😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I did not wanted that to reaches me in my life-time!! never ever!! wanted it to happen to me but thank he didn't get me pregnant🤰🤰and he didn't kill me after I just thank God for that. when he did it to me for the first time, it was very painful I never enjoyed it!! because it was against my will because of that I did hated man😡😠😡, I never wanted anything to do with a Man not even to see the sight of them I was so red-hot for towards them😡😡😡in Jamaican term (BITTER) against them 😡😡😡 because of what happened to me. A (MAN) couldn't see me on the road an call to me and I answer them my face were sour 😡against them!! because of how my innocent (virginity) get taken away from me against my own will. after the incident that happen to me, causes me to hate man!! there was this guy at my school name Damion, he was very handsome but I was not interested in him, because I hated man!! he came to me so many times asking me for my friendship asking if we can I turn him down, he even start sending me love letters but I turned him down each time he sends them because of what happen to me before and I hated man, I always keep blaming myself for what happen to me even untill this day I blamed myself. Damion never stop sending me love letters still one day we had an argument about him sending me these letters, I told him to stop and I busted out on him letting him know that I don't like him sending me these letters and we are not friends nor he his not my boyfriend so he laughed!!😃😃 at me saying that I must grow up and stop acting like a little child!! if I never love you I wouldn't send you my letters!!, so I just told him the truth straight up, that I hated him, we could never be friends an he's too ugly for me to love and I hate man!! I let him feel bad about himself that we all most fight because of him keep bothering me, then he even crosse's the line with me by touching me in Jamaican terms we say!! (a who tell him fi do day). I even get worst a mad on him. when I went to school the next day my head was hurting me, our school was having sports day; my head was hurting me so much I could not participate in any of the events, so I went to the girls restroom to wash my face because of the headaches that I was having, I couldn't feel my face, at our school the girls restroom and the boys restroom are side by side, I went into the girls restroom and close the door wasn't expecting any unexpectess on that day!! I weren't even looking for something like this to happen, that my friend wasn't on my list!! so after using the toilet I heard the restroom door open, I thought it was one of the girls from off the field came to uses the restroom but when I came from out of the toilet section I wasn't taking notice nor paying any attention to the person who was in the restroom with me, when I asked the person how was the sport with my head down!! washing my hands in the face-bassin, when I hold my head up to look in the mirror I saw Damion, I was so Shock 😲😳in Jamaican terms we saw(mi raws),I never knew it was him Damion that was in the restroom with me Oo 😯😯😯my God what's this now?? I said to myself. My head hurts me even more in Jamaican terms we say (mi head evene hot mi more)I was so afraid, all kinds of things started go through my mind I was looking around put my eyes couldn't find anything to defend myself, in Jamaican terms we say(mi na tek no check) meaning that when someone just weep!!up on you, you don't give him any chance to hurt you. I tell myself that if him try anything with me am going to screem but he was looking at me with a look!!👿👿 like I don't know that look!! look devilish, I didn't trust that look the way, how he looks at me it seems as if he wants to hurt me. so I dry my face!!, throw away the piece of paper towel and hold my head straight and just about to open the door he walk right before me, an hold the door "close it with the lock" my heart started to beat fast, "I said excuse me!! he looks at me with a smile 🙂 with his head hang-down "I said excuse me!! In Jamaican terms we say (move), he rise his head an look at me saying "what you said, repeat that again I didn't hear you clearly"!! so I said in an angry way me out of my way!!!! in Jamaican terms we say (hey boy move from out ta mi way, yu nu hear wey mi say boy). So he said to me I want to ask you a question?? an I want you to be honest with me and honest with yourself!! Don't tell me any lie thou because I would know if you are lie-ing to me!! I can know when someone is lie-ing, he said: I said to him I'm not interesting in talking with you!! he said that he will not open this door untill I answer his question?? Then only he will leave me alone! Because am so afraid, I didn't knew what was in his intention towards me, I believe he come to pay me back evil for the other day when I make him feel bad about himself, I quick to say go on ask in Jamaican terms we say (mi case an ask mi). He said to me Stacy-ann that's what he call me! Do you Love me?? I 😆lol and said what kinda of nonsense is this your asking me, please get out of my way!! Answer the question with a loud voice 😫😫he said to me!! I was even more afraid of him, so I keep silent for a while!! to be honest with you, when he loud up his voice on me I felt something come over me and when he looks at me, my skin start to get hot, my body temperature start to rise I do feel something for him but I just don't show it!! because of what happens to me already!! so I don't care, I don't even like see the sight of him even thou he was very handsome. I

calmly answer him an said No!! with fare all over my face, he was looking at, then he started to said look me in the eyes' and tell me that you really don't love me and I"ll rise up my head looking up in the roof but couldn't look him in the eyes' and tell him I was brain freeze right away memories of what happen to me the first guy who forced himself on to me coming back to my mind, eye-water came to my eyes' same time an so I started to cry😭😭😭😭😭he started to rub-down my face with his, I flash his hands from my face then he says to me I know someone hurts you and you are hurting over it. He take a pice of paper towel an he wipes my face with it, an he whisper in my ear's and says am sorry to make you cry 😭 then I try an control myself I was my face-off with fresh water, I dry of my face of an turn to him and said are we done?? can I go now?? he looked at me, he was very silent 🤐he didn't open his mouth 😶 and said anything to me 😶!! when I went through the door,I felt so cold, cold pumbs were all over my skin,same time I get chilly. when I passes Damion I felt this current run through me, my feet's get weak I couldn't find the strength to walk I had sit-down on the step way near to the principal office for awhile, then I saw the security guard check the bathroom I was bless not to get caught any way the sports was not over with how I feel with this headache killing, then Damion just unexpectedly popped up on me, I just call it a day and went home without telling anyone on my team that I am gone. When I reach home at the girls home, I went into my room, I cool off myself an went right into the shower 🚿 to calm my nerves, so I take deep breaths in and deep breaths out while the water is running over my face!! Here in Jamaica in our culture, a woman do not washes her hair💆💆 Everytime she takes a bath, because our hair is so thick we have set time when we wash our hair (eg. like only on weekends) some woman may wash theirs in week like on Monday or Tuesday but I only wash my 💆 hair on an Saturday's and that's every Saturday. as I take deep breaths in and out everything that happen to throughout the day keep coming back to me even with the incident,keep coming back to me, all of it keep coming back to me as the water beats my body. it's all most time for me to go an my dinner I turn off the pipe an stepped out of the shower 🚿 ready myself and went downstairs for dinner.