Heaven OwO

Recap: I got in a car crash and then made my way to this place and saw God nakey and now hes gonna show me how he is God. Okay now you can read dis chapter :>

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He gestured for me to stand back and I of course obeyed... fate knows what gasses he's about to release out of his body. He started doing some actions and then conjured up a- A COOKIE! I snatched the cookie and choked it into my digestive system. Oh my. It had delightful chocolate filling. The centre was chewy, gooey and creamy; there was heaven in my mouth. He laughed, "You are in heaven physically, not just in your mouth." I looked at him with wide eyes like I just watched my parents go down on each other on the bed whilst not knowing what sex was, "BITCH YOU CAN READ MY MIND!" I instantly Godzilla-stepped back. He looked at me with no emotion in the slightest like it wasn't even a big deal, "Mind your language and yes I can also read your mind. Do you now believe I am God?" I nodded that I'm surprised my spinal cord didn't detach from my body. He put his arms out towards the door that had a sign that said "DINING ROOM" and I waddled in. >:>

I immediately furrowed my eyebrows, there was a full buffet of food but IT WAS ALL HEALTHY: there was salads, fruits, smoothies and all sorts of disgusting wastes-of-time sat in ceramic bowls and glasses. I frowned and plopped down in the chair a few away from where God sat. He chuckled, "You would look better with a nice figure so you're on a diet and you will be ordered to go to the gym daily for an hour at the very minimal starting from tomorrow." I showed him a look of anger someone displays when you steal their food when you said you were full a few seconds ago. "Ugh, you're so annoying why would I need a good figure when eitherway I'll look like an ugly squash that did a skinny dip in my dog's shit after it came out of the washing machine. -_-" He shushed me and ushered me to eat my clucking greens and the stupid baked plain-ass chicken.

As I finished up, he started to walk off. I assumed I should just follow him. He led me into what looked like a fucking empty conference room. Like the ones for boxing matches but there were no mics. I'm guessing the boxers are mute ('-'). God gave me a look of disbelief. Suffering in tension from his strong expression, he patted me on the head and spoke to me in a calming voice, "Don't worry my child, we are just here to discuss your sins and what you have to pay for." I looked at him with wide eyes like someone just shanked me with a compass (the thing you use in math for drawing circles and stuff idiots) whilst speaking like a posh git.

Suddenly, I started to get a flash back from school back in January. I was sat near Kanye North and, by God, he was looking so hawt. The way the beads of sweat trickled down his beautiful skin. His black bandana tied around his forehead whilst he ran his fingers through his dark, curly hair. Stupidly, I thought it was a good idea to let him have a go with my fidget cube that i adored at the time. As i gave it to him, he smiled widely and gave me a thumbs up indicating a "thank you". I bLuShEd CuTeLy and then sat there watching him like a stalker who was gazing at their victim getting naked. As my happiness flowed, fucking Mrs McAmen came over and snatched the toy off Kanye. She then screamed that she was never going to give it back and that she was going to give it to a less fortunate kid. I was fuming. She just ruined the only happiness i had had all week. Out of pure anger, I yeeted my chair back, stood tall and retaliated, "I HOPE THE HOMELESS KID CHUCKS YOU OFF A CLIFF WHILST YOU CHEW ON THE FUCKING FIDGET CUBE HOE, AMEN." I glared at that stupid but hot piece of flesh. As punishment of what I said Mc(R)Amen, I received a week of detentions every day for 30 minutes (TwT). I ignored Kanye for the rest of the year because of what HE (not my fault in the slightest) let happen. >:c

Shivering from the petrifying memory, I looked up at God as I thought he was gonna console me about the memory I just recalled. Instead, he was reading some sort of scroll which I'm assuming had people's names with their actions on Earth or something. His eyes went wide but I couldn't tell if it was a happy shock or a frightening shock. He grinned ear from ear. He started, "Myra! Your good deeds over weigh your bad deeds from miles! Congratulations you can now qualify to be a high ranked person! Well done!" I smiled awkwardly. I'm not used to people appreciating me especially because my parents didn't really pay attention to me... Enough thoughts about unnecessary things! But wait, me? A high ranked person? I looked up at God with tears in my eyes and gave him a hug, "No one's ever appreciated me so thank you because this means a lot because to be honest I didn't think I would get anywhere and to be said that I can qualify as anything let alone a ranked person means a lot to me." He patted my head and I stepped back from the embrace, "All the hardships you've gone to led you to heaven so this is the reward that was in your fate for dealing with all those problems and being strong. You are so much like one of my other creations. She's an absolute saint and I'd love to introduce you to her but enough about her. Let us celebrate this!" I threw my hands in the air and shouted, "YEAH ME AND GOD 'BOUT TO POP A BOTTLE INNIT!" He looked at me bluntly and told me to go wait in the dining room and I of course obeyed like I could just sit there and smell all the aromatic scents called my name in the fresh air.

Oh my golly, good gracious. He brought out a mouth-watering chocolate cake that's icing glistened as the sunlight reflected off of it. I stared at it with my mammoth-sized mouth whilst I drooled. He cut open the cake and handed me a slice and said, "Only one. Your on a diet, remember?" My dreams were crushed as my fantasies of slamming my face flat into the cake were shattered. I took a bite of the cake and it was full of flavor. The rich chocolate sponge sweetly melted in my mouth as the icing that was presumably made with coffee balanced out the overall saccharine taste. We laughed and talked as time passed. It was getting late and I headed for bed smiling as I fell fast asleep.

Today was so far one of the best days of my life. Little did I know what destiny had in store for me...