11 The Promise Land?

The three of them walked up to the blaring telephone, hesitant to answer the call.

"I don't think we should pick it up," Niki looked at it and took a step back. "There is something...off about it."

"Well, why don't we find out!" Kai raced over to the phone and picked it up. "Um hello, How can I help you! This is Kai speaking, well I mean who else would it be!" He posed heroically.

"Kai what are you doing?!" Niki said in a loud whisper.

Kai looked at her smugly, "Well I'm picking up the phone, silly! So as I was saying..."

Before Kai could finish, the phone started to vibrate. "Searching for user 10,007 and 10,009."

"Woah! What is it doing?" Kai's eyes widened.

"What do you think it's doing?! It could be trying to hurt you or something!"

"Pfft! Why would it do that? Besides, I hardly ever get hurt and I don't think that will change. I have good luck!"

"User 10,007 and 10,009 confirmed."

"Woah! Cool!"

"What do you mean 'Woah cool'? It's obviously talking about us!"

Kai continued to examine the phone, "Oh come on! You're just being paranoid!" He shooed her off.

"Greetings! Welcome to [searching location] the Deep Sea Metro!"

"Wow oh wow! It can talk! There's noise coming out of it!" Kai's eyes sparkled in the neon light.

"Kai-"

"Yes?"

"Kai...it's a phone!"

"Well, yeah... so?"

"What do phones do?"

"I forgot."

"They make sounds!"

"Ohhhh, well, that makes sense" Kai closed his eyes and smiled.

"Oh my- why do I know you," Niki said as she smacked her hand on the top of her forehead.

"My primary programming is to lead you two to the Promised Land!"

"What's a 'Promised Land'?" Kai asked.

"[Assessing communication abilities, level 12.42%]"

"Kai, I think you broke it. I don't think it knows how to communicate anymore"

"Nah, I'm sure it's fine. Just give it a second."

"[Enabling speech mode]"

"Ya see! It's working just fine! I think... "

"Hey what's crackalacking, home skillet?! Let us bounce to the Promised Land fo sho."

"Okay, now I think I broke it." Kai admitted, now looking at it questioningly.

"I think so, I really do." Niki gave him an annoyed look.

"I'm bout it, bout it so listen while I [SLANG_NOT_FOUND] you the facts!"

"What?!"

"I'm so confused!" Kai whined.

"You have spent your entire life in the dark. Your eyes closed to new hotness that awaits!"

"Huh? I'm not blind.... or was I! Maybe this phone thing has magical powers that healed my awful, awful sight! Oh woe is me!" Kai dropped to the floor and put his hand on his forehead.

"Kai... I don't think you were blind." Niki looked at him, emotionless to his drama.

"Okay, well that makes sense. Okie dokie! You may continue strange phone thing!" Kai bounced up from the ground energetically. Niki smacked her forehead repeatedly behind him.

"Well I believe you asked a question earlier! You have asked what the Promised Land was?! Well I have a lit answer! The Promised Land is a Utopia of light beyond your your wildest dreams!"

"What's a dream?" Kai asked.

"Kai- just listen!"

"It is all that and a bag of cool beans!"

"I don't think that's an expression..." Kai mumbled.

"Well I will take you to The Promised Land now!"

"Cool I can't wa-"

"NOT!"

Kai pouted, "Aww man!"

"Hahahaha! Psyche out! Only those who prove themselves can [ERROR] The Promised Land, do you dig?"

"So what do we have to do to prove ourselves?" Niki smirked.

"There has been 10,007 subjects so far! That makes you two 10,008 and 10,009! This opportunity one comes one in a lifetime! So good luck yo and [SLANG_NOT_FOUND]! Here take this CQ-80 and CQ Card! This will make everything official dog!"

"OoooOOOOOoooo! Cool!" Kai ran up to it and took the first CQ-80 and CQ card.

"Don't touch that! It could explode or something!"

"Nah I don't think it will, oh I got 10,009! Nice!"

"Oh my cod, I don't even understand this!" Niki slowly walked over and grabbed her CQ-80 and her CQ card.

"Guard these two sick things with your life! Or you will be [error]!"

"I don't know. I don't like how many errors this thing has. This phone just doesn't seem right in the...gears."

Niki looked wearily at the two things in her hand.

"Now come to the train! Outie 5,000!"

"What does he mean by train? I don't see one!" Kai turned to face Captain Cuttlefish and Niki.

"I don't know, but I guess we'll find out!" Captain Cuttlefish declared.

There was a long pause, but a small shaking feeling was felt beneath their feet. A large, fully-functioning subway screeched to a halt in front of them.

"Well I guess this is our stop!" Kai said as he looked at both of them.

Niki stomped her foot, "There is no way am I going on that thing!"

"Don't worry you'll be fine! Just relax!" Kai grabbed Niki and Captain Cuttlefish by the hand and pulled them both into the train.

They waded their way around the passengers, and took a seat. All three of them still had no idea what they had gotten themselves into.

Niki looked around wearily and crossed her arms. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Suddenly, the train started to move.