And She Waited

"Come on, Elle, you know it was a great ride," he said, purposely avoiding her penetrating gaze, his back facing her.

A look of pain flickered across Elle's usually composed face; it was a good thing that he did not perceive it. "A great game we played. You and I both enjoyed it, end of story."

He shrugged casually, the muscles in his back and shoulders moving with the action.

She had remembered them shifting prior to tonight, laying her slim hands over them as he leaned down and covered her naked body with delicate butterfly kisses, whispering sweet promises…another sob was choked back into her throat, where it pierced her heart every time she took a struggled breath of air.

One side of her wanted to take her sharp steak knife and drench the silver steel with his crimson blood without a moment's hesitation.

The other side wanted to run into his strong arms and cry for all that she was worth, letting her lay her hands on every inch of his body one more time….

"So are you saying that you're going back to her, Jake?" asked Ella, the words falling out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Tried desperately to grasp them and thrust them back into the deep recesses of her rock-hard heart.

But to no avail, after all, it was her Jake. Even 'her Jake' was a lie, he was never hers.

Trying to clutch the words were like trying to grip onto slippery eels with buttered fingers. Yes, that was it. And the words were just that, as ugly and odious as slimy eels.

The true issue was finally out in the open.

"Yes," was the one-word reply. He finally turned around, his lanky figure creating shifting shadows as his action made the fragrant candles flicker.

The aloofness of his handsome face chilled Elle to the bone. Where was all the passion? The ardor? The fervor of love? It was all gone, leaving a stranger in their place. "I love her."

Elle gripped the wineglass in her hand, so tightly that a minuscule crack appeared on the side, leaving the most infinitesimal imperfection on the perfect crystal wineglass.

She scowled and threw the exquisite crystal onto the floor in an impetuous mood.

Even the wineglass was against her; it landed delicately onto the carpeted floor, ensconcing itself comfortably into the soft material.

The light from the candles flickered across the numerous facets, lighting up the imperfection a thousand fold.

It mocked her mercilessly, mocked her and her helplessness at preventing what was to come.

The wine was long gone, drunk in happy bliss moments before she was going to bring up what she had deemed 'happy' news.

"Do you really."

It was a statement, not a question. She stared so intently on the wineglass that she became dizzy and spots appeared before her eyes.

Now it was her turn to avoid his gaze…

~~

(THE PREVIOUS HOUR)

She was going to tell him her 'happy news' but before the precious words flowed from her mouth, he had set down his own wineglass and pushed away his dinner plate, uneaten.

His strong hands tugged on the snow-white napkin, exposing his apprehension.

In the dark recesses of her mind, a tiny trace of doubt had already informed her that something was amiss.

Silence cloaked the room, mingling with the shadows on the walls, waiting. It was a full five minutes before she could not withstand the suffocating stillness anymore.

Once again, her happiness concealed her eyes from the truth and innocent naïveté distorted her thoughts, making her unable to distinguish dream from reality.

Love bubbled forth from her beating heart and the sensation was so magnificent that she had to share it with him. Her mouth opened…

"Elle," he said, staring at her from across the dinner table. "I have something to tell you."

He finally released his cloth victim, the wrinkled napkin ended up over the uneaten food, covering his plate.

He was not planning on eating anything at all tonight.

Elle bit her lower lip in agitation as her eyes darted from the plate to his face.

He always loved her cooking, said he never could get enough of the exquisite cuisine that she put all her heart and soul into creating specially for him. But these additional signs of trouble was taken in and ignored.

She was happy for once, godd*mn it, nothing was going to ruin her happiness…

"I have something to tell you too," replied Elle, unable to keep a jubilant smirk off her face.

This bewildered Jake for he had never seen her smile so gleefully, let alone remain thus through the entire night.

A tiny furrow began to appear on his forehead as the irksome tinge of doubt entered his mind also. Something was wrong.

They relapsed into silence again, both not wanting to divulge their news first.

"El-"

"J-"

Elle smiled shyly, the very essence of a bashful teenager girl on her first date, the complete alter ego to her usual serious and cool self.

"You go first, Jakie." An eyebrow rose at Elle's new nickname for him.

She hated using shortened forms of names or any other type of cute, little sobriquets, claiming that they made a perfectly good name turn into some annoying epithet that degraded both the caller and the person thus called.

Jake took a deep breath, nervously ran his long fingers through his silky hair, and looked away again as he spoke those distressing words.

"Elle, I think we should break up."

A startled gasp emitted from Elle before she could stop herself. Clenching her jaw, she commanded herself to hold back her tears until after she understood what the hell was going on.

"Wha-wh-what, Jake?" she asked, her voice choked with repressed sobs.

Jake sighed; at least she called him by his proper name this time.

She couldn't trust herself to look in his face without bursting into inconsolable tears.

So she had to revert back to her old self, back behind her mental and emotional walls, and retrieve what little self-respect that she had left.

"Care to elaborate on this impulsive decision?"

\There, much better\ Her frosty tone had made him wince. \Good\

"We can't stay together anymore," he said in a strained voice. As if this was the most challenging thing that he has ever done in his entire life.

Elle nearly started laughing with his absurdity.

He suddenly stood upright and walked away from his seat, turning away from her.

Fear clutched her heart as she thought that perchance he was leaving already.

Elle swallowed another sob and returned her gaze to his face; she had to attain an explanation from him.

"What about US? The kisses? The long nights together? The promises? Did all of it mean NOTHING to you? Not…not even the love?"

~~

Now it was back to the present scene where his declaration of love for the other woman had just taken place. "I love her."

Those three simple words, so coveted by Elle to be referred to her, reverberated within her mind, stabbing her again and again.

She was a fool. Her love was never reciprocated but she was too blind to see it. He loved the other, godd*mn it, he loved HER.

"I-I can't-can't leave her, Elle. I just can't," stuttered Jake, for once not sounding like the self-confident and suave Jake that he usually was.

She had always wondered if anything could unnerve him. Now she has found out and wished that she never had.

"We can never become anything, Elle. Never become anything pure, genuine, TRUE."

"That is what you believe?" She still held desperately onto the hope that what he was saying was a lie, a façade, a cushion to buttress her from the pain of separation.

He did not think their love was impure, did he? Something corrupt, something immoral, something that must never see the light of day?

All of a sudden, a feeling of filthiness overtook her senses, numbing her as she realized what their relationship actually was in his eyes.

It was a d*mn game, a dirty game that they played together, nothing more. And now he was tired of the game, even afraid for all the damage it could do to his life.

He was going to toss her away like a used toy that he has become bored of.

A tear finally escaped from her eye, her iron will weakening as her heart shattered into pieces.

"God, Elle, don't do this to me," whispered Jake, watching another tear trickle down her pallid cheeks.

"D*mn it, Jake. Don't do this to YOU?! Don't do this to YOU?!" Elle had finally lost it.

She jumped out of her seat and kicked the crystal goblet with her high-heeled foot, satisfied with the shattering noises in the far corner of the room.

This irrelevant sound placated her, just a bit.

A pleased look entered Elle's face as the infuriating crystal with its imperfection was finally destroyed. She was a fool, a godd*mn fool.

"She's pregnant with my baby."

Elle whirled around, staring into his troubled face.

\Did he really say what I thought he just said?\

Pregnant. She was pregnant with his baby. A little Jake was kicking inside her belly. How ironic. How completely and utterly sardonic.

"I can't leave her. Not now. Not when she has my baby," whispered Jake, trying to alleviate his guilt. But it would taint his soul forevermore, no matter what he said or did.

"I understand," replied Elle in her frostiest tone, chilling even herself with its coldness.

No wonder her co-workers called her "Elsa, the Ice Queen" behind her back every time she walked by their desks. "It is only right that you stay with the woman carrying your baby."

Carrying your baby.

The three words echoed over and over in her head, pounding themselves into the walls of her mind, imprinting themselves in her brain.

"I have to take responsibility," his voice sounding almost like a pleading whine.

As if SHE was the one who was wrong. He did not want the guilt trip that came with the sex. A**hole.

"Take responsibility," echoed back Elle, nodding.

Her trembling hand settled gently on her abdomen, nausea making her senses suffer the sudden experience of vertigo.

It was a bad dream. Too much of a nightmare to be true. Or perhaps this was reality.

Whatever she had expected to happen before: the exclamation of joy, the kisses, and the hugs and merry laughter, was naught but a silly dream.

Elle never used to dream before. But Jake had taught her how…he made the sex actually mean something more than lust...he had made rainbows appear over colorful horizons and birds sing in the trees, flowers bloom and the warm spring breeze... another sob nearly choked her.

"I'm sorry."

Elle took a deep breath and knew she had revealed herself too much.

That was what a fool gets for leaving herself open and vulnerable.

Summoning up a lifetime of practice, she slipped a mask over her face and a cool smile was her final product.

"Thanks."

"Tha-thanks?" Jake was utterly confused. Elle etched his endearing foolish face into another facet of her heart.

He had expected ranting and screaming, hitting and slapping, even more tears and guilt but thanks?

"Yes. Thank you," repeated Elle, beckoning her courage to return to her lest her jellylike knees betray her and make her collapse to the floor. "For what you have given me."

"Given?"

"You showed me that there really are only b*stards on this Earth. Now I can stop my silly searching for "the One" and all my idiotic daydreaming. I truly thank you."

She immensely enjoyed the slack-jawed expression he gave in response. "For waking me up to reality again."

She raised her right hand and Jake cringed as if expecting her to slap him.

"Friends?"

He stared at her hand as if it was a poisonous king cobra. "Friends." He took her slim hand in his strong one and shook it.

Elle would remember his touch forever. Even the sweatiness of his palm as he grasped her hand…

"Good."

He stared at the floor, uncomfortable and not knowing what to do next.

"Boy or girl?"

"What?"

It was getting too easy for her to make him lose his composure.

She would have enjoyed this greatly if not for the circumstances in which she had made him lose his composure.

"The baby, is it a boy or girl?" Not that she cared. All she wanted was to keep him here in her presence for just a little while longer.

"Oh. I don't know." He shrugged, still uncomfortable.

Elle sighed; he would never be comfortable in her presence ever again.

And nor would she as she thought of him holding onto a woman besides herself, kissing lips not her own, cradling a baby that was not hers…

"Perhaps you should leave." Elle could not bear it anymore.

Any moment the floodgates will break and she could not hurt her pride anymore. Her pride was all she had left. Her pride and dignity. And...IT…

"Yeah," replied Jake, the tension building on his broad shoulders suddenly released.

And to think that she was the one who relieved the tension there prior to this bullshit, she was the one he sought to relieve his angst from work, from family, from life. How fitting.

He turned to go and Elle unconsciously stepped forward, as if to try to hold him back.

But he continued on his way unknowingly, opening the door and closing it gently behind him.

He left without a single sound.

He could have least slam the door so she could break down and cry. But he did not even do that.

Elle still stood where she was, back straight, head tall, pride effusing her aura. And how tiresome it was to do so.

Anything, a sound or a movement was going to make her break her pose. She waited. Waited. And waited…