22 The Big Three

Nuxanor's opponents reached him first. Right before they arrived, Lelle Flexine performed a handstand and then began spinning her legs like a helicopter. As the kink with the dress made of sludge attacked, Flexine pushed off the ground and launched herself forward. One of her legs connected with the sludgy kink's chest and the kink was sent flying backwards with incredible force. Flexine then engaged her other opponents as the sludgy kink crashed to the ground dozens of meters away.

By this time, Chad Lass was also moving. She smashed her fists together, and as the brass knuckles on each of her hands made contact, bright sparks shot out in all directions. Chad Lass's attackers were distracted by the bright sparks for only an instant, but that was enough. Chad Lass used the moment of confusion to punch the snake-girl kink right in the mouth, and as the kink fell backwards, Chad Lass grabbed her by her snake tail, swung her around in the air, and threw her right into the man with the snakeskin suit. The kink smashed into her own user and they both dropped to the ground.

The first opponent that reached Slavic Queen was the harpy kink, and Slavic Queen took to the air to meet her head-on. Both kinks swung at each other with their claws, so quickly that I could barely follow their movements. Their auras danced a fierce dance as the two kinks tore at each other, sparks shooting out like firecrackers every time their claws met. Both kinks were fast and strong, but Slavic Queen had one clear advantage: she was better at controlling her wings, and in this airborne battle, that gave her the edge.

As their claws met again, Slavic Queen used one of her wings to smack the harpy kink across the face. In that split second the harpy lost focus, and Slavic Queen drove her knee into her opponent's stomach. As the harpy doubled over, Slavic Queen smashed her elbow into the back of the harpy's neck. Animak's kink smirked as the force of her blow sent the harpy crashing to the ground.

It felt as if the ground itself was shaking as the overpowered kinks clashed with each other. Truck-chan and Lubo were scared, but at some point I suddenly stopped feeling fear. I barely noticed it at first, but after feeling Truck-chan's tightening grip and after hearing Lubo's jittery mumbling, I realized that I wasn't reacting as I normally would. The old me would have been just as scared as Lubo, but I wasn't. In fact, it was just the opposite. It was as if something inside me was responding to all the blazing auras of the other kinks, and a strange feeling was bubbling up deep within me. Something wanted me to act… to join the fight!

"Bi…Birito-kun," Truck-chan whimpered. "What's happening to you?"

"What?" I looked around. "What do you mean?"

"You're GLOWING."

I looked down at my hands and I couldn't believe my eyes. A faint green glow was surrounding my entire body.

"Hey, what's going on?!" I asked, looking around in disbelief.

"Your kink," Johnny said. "It's awakening."

Truck-chan gasped.

"REALLY?!" I screamed. "Yes! That's awesome!"

"Calm down, fool," Hyde snapped. "Even if your kink awakens now, it will be months or even years before you learn to control it. Don't even think about fighting opponents of this caliber with a semi-awakened kink. You will die."

"What? No, I'm not afraid of them."

Johnny looked at me. "He's right, Birito. The awakening of your kink will make you feel powerful, but you have to be careful. You're just an amateur, and those people there," he pointed to the fighters on the battlefield, "they are the best of the best."

Back on the battlefield, Slavic Queen was under attack. Animak's kink was still in the air, but Jordanio used his magic to create a large portal right above Slavic Queen. He then created another portal on the ground, and the stone kink jumped into the second portal. As soon as it disappeared into the portal on the ground, the kink suddenly emerged from the portal right above Slavic Queen!

The stone kink dropped on top of Slavic Queen, grabbed her around the waist, and began to squeeze. Jagged rocks emerged from the stone kink's body, and Slavic Queen was forced to land under the sheer weight of her enemy.

"WE GOT HER!" Jordanio shouted, and the kink user who was dressed like a construction worker smiled and nodded. I think his name was Richard Hedd, but Nux had called him Dick.

Chad Lass was also backed into a corner. The rubber kink seemed to have the initiative in the fight─she was doing all the attacking and Chad Lass was on the defensive. This surprised me. Rubber might have an elemental advantage over Chad Lass's electric attacks, but even with that in mind, Chad Lass should have been stronger.

And that's when I saw it. The dark magic user who looked like a female Edward Scizzorhands was performing some bizarre chanting ritual, and this seemed to be having an effect on Chad Lass. Briggo's kink was slower and less fierce than usual. She almost looked like she was sleepy.

"Damn it," Johnny spat. "It's hypnosis magic."

"What does that mean?" Truck-chan asked.

"The dark magic user is performing a spell that has a hypnotic effect on Chad Lass. The spell is designed to put the opponent to sleep, and since being pumped up is Chad Lass's greatest strength, this dark magic user is the worst possible opponent for Briggo."

"OH NO!" Truck-chan squealed. "Poor Sir Briggo! He's in trouble."

And Lelle Flexine had problems of her own. The woman with the blindfold had the ability to summon dark tentacles right out of the ground, and she was using them to restrain Flexine as the slime kink attacked her ruthlessly. But surprisingly, Nuxanor's kink didn't seem bothered by the fact that she was wrapped in tentacles and covered in slime. In fact, she looked like she was enjoying it.

"Hey Animak," Nuxanor called out.

"Yeah?"

"Looks like your kink is getting pounded."

Animak smirked. "Oh, what a brilliant double-entendre, Nuxanor! You always had the best sense of humor in all of Twigoslavia."

"Well, I had to have enough for both of us, since you never had any at all."

"Wait… what's happening?!" I asked. They were in he middle of a fight, and they looked like they were losing. And yet, Nuxanor was trying to provoke Animak, seemingly out of nowhere, and Animak was responding by praising Nuxanor.

Johnny laughed. "The madlads! They're finally working together."

"Huh?" Truck-chan said.

"What do you mean?"

"It's simple," Hyde replied. "Animak's kink grows stronger the angrier he becomes, so Nuxanor is provoking him. And Nuxanor's kink grows stronger the more positive reactions he can elicit from the people around him, so they're both helping each other."

"So that's the condition of Nuxanor's kink!" I said.

Johnny and Hyde were right. Animak's and Nuxanor's auras were growing exponentially, and their kinks were responding. Slavic Queen had been pinned to the ground by the weight of the stone kink, but she used her claws to dig into the ground beneath her until she was able to wiggle out from under her opponent. At the same time, Lelle Flexine opened her mouth wide─unnaturally wide─and used her sharp teeth to bite through the tentacles that were restraining her. Suddenly both kinks were free, and they were preparing to counterattack.

"But look," I said. "Briggo's aura is getting stronger too, and he didn't say a word."

Briggo laughed. "That's right, Birito," he said in his thunderous voice. He could hear us the whole time. "I'm excited to be fighting alongside my best friends after so many years. I never thought I'd get to see them working together again for a common cause. And yet here they are… here we all are, together. I… AM… PUMPED!!"

Chad Lass suddenly blocked the rubber kink's punch, and then she grabbed the kink's wrist. She proceeded to pull on the rubber's kink arm until it began to stretch. The rubber kink tried to free her arm by attacking with the other, but Chad Lass seemed faster now. She quickly sidestepped around her opponent, still pulling the stretched-out hand along with her. She kept moving around the rubber kink until the opponent's arm wrapped itself around her own body. Chad Lass then tightened the grip even more, and soon the rubber kink was completely restrained.

As the rubber kink struggled to break free, Chad Lass began pounding on it mercilessly with her fists. At the same time, Animak screamed the words "DRAGON FIRE!" I turned and saw Slavic Queen taking a deep breath, and then she opened her mouth wide. Glowing red fire spewed from her lips: the fire engulfed the stone kink in less than a second, and soon the stone kink was rolling on the ground and writhing in pain.

"PLUG YOUR EARS!" someone shouted from behind us. I think it was Kor.

"Do as he says," Hyde exclaimed and proceeded to press his palms to his ears. I didn't know what was happening, but I followed suit instinctively, and so did Truck-chan and Lubo. In the very next moment, we understood.

Lelle Flexine stretched her mouth open and produced an impossibly loud screech. It hurt my ears even as I held them shut, so I can only imagine how loud it really was. This screech seemed to produce a concentrated sonic boom that was aimed right at the slime kink. Chunks of green slime filled the air as the slime kink shattered into a thousand of pieces.

"GODDAMN IT!!" Recon shrieked. "They're STILL winning!"

I released the pressure on my ears, and so did everyone else. "Incredible…" I said. "These guys are INCREDIBLE!"

Johnny nodded. "Animak, Briggo, and Nuxanor. They are tier 3 kink users, and the strongest warriors on the Twigoslav Peninsula. Back when this was one nation, they were known as the Big Three: the legendary founders of Twigoslavia."

"They're freaking awesome! Oh, and did you see? Briggo and Animak didn't even need to shut their ears when Lelle Flexine attacked!"

Briggo laughed. "Of course not, Birito."

"Yeah," Animak added. "We're both used to Nuxanor's screeching."

The Big Three were now dominating the battlefield, and the outcome seemed to be a foregone conclusion. Despite outnumbering their opponents 3-to-1, and despite consuming what may or may not be demon semen, the Darchangels were still losing the fight.

"All right, that's enough," Recon said. "No more games." His purple aura billowed, rising like thick smoke behind the Darchangels. The smoke seemed to take the shape of a giant face─a female face.

"HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA," Recon laughed. "Behold the power of the greatest kink!"

The smoke gained speed and rolled over the battlefield like a tidal wave. And when the smoke cleared, something had changed. Briggo, Animak, and Nuxanor were different.

Something was wrong.

Briggo seemed distracted. He was pacing around nervously and taking to himself, which wasn't at all like him. Animak was suddenly having some sort of incoherent temper tantrum, and he seemed to be yelling at a tree. Meanwhile, Nuxanor was on the ground, curled up in the fetal position and shaking uncontrollably.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" Truck-chan shouted. "What's wrong with them, Sir Johnny?"

Johnny shook his head. "I… I don't know."

The erratic behavior of the Big Three was having an adverse effect on their kinks. They suddenly seemed confused and unfocused, and this gave the Darchangels time to regroup. The kinks that had been dispatched earlier were now recovering, and soon they attacked again. The sludge kink moved on Lelle Flexine, the snake kink began wrapping its long tail around Chad Lass, and Steve's harpy kink assaulted Slavic Queen. Meanwhile, the Big Three did nothing. It was as if they were in another world, far away from the battlefield, and their auras were shrinking rapidly.

"HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA! Behold the power of the word's greatest kink! Witness the force of my mistress! I am not worthy… I am not worthy of her beauty…"

"What is he talking about…" Johnny wondered aloud.

"It doesn't matter," Hyde said. "We have to help them! Everyone," he called out to the other kink users, including Nuxanor's men. "It's time to fight! We have to help the Big Three. LET'S GO!"

"DAMN RIGHT!" Evanito shouted. "No one will lay a finger on Lord Nuxanor! Rise up, men! DEDICATE YOUR HEARTS!"

Evanito and Kor summoned their kinks, and so did the other two Edge Lords. The man with the highlights in his hair had a kink that was dressed in colorful baggy clothes. She also had a baseball cap on her head and a pair of nunchucks made of two large microphones that were tied together with their cords. The man with the top hat and goatee had a kink that looked like a sexy nurse, and her weapon of choice was an oversized medical needle.

Johnny quickly summoned Artasia, and then Hyde revealed his own kink. She was a tall woman with long hair tied up in a fancy bun, she wore a beautiful white dress, and a bronze venetian mask covered her face. Her weapon was a long bronze spear.

"Now, everyone, please look at me," Hyde exclaimed. He then dropped his pants and exposed himself to all of us.

"OH MY GOSH!" Truck-chan squealed and covered her eyes.

"WHOA! What the hell man?!" I snapped. Hyde was always kind of weird, but this was a step too far.

"He's naked!" Lubo cried. "Dear God, what did I get myself into…."

"I'm sorry, everyone!" Hyde said in a high-pitched voice. His face was burning red. "My kink has a very unique condition. The more embarrassed I become, the stronger it gets. We don't have time to lose, so this was the only way."

As Hyde pulled his pants back up, I noticed that his bronze aura was now much larger than before.

"Good work, Sir Hyde!" Evanito said. "I will gladly stare at your exposed nether regions if that'll help us save Lord Nuxanor."

"That's all right, Evan," Kor said calmly. "He's already at full power. It's time to go!"

"YAAAAARGH!!!" Evanito cried out as he and his mermaid kink rushed towards the battlefield. He was followed by Kor and the other two Edge Lords. Johnny and Hyde also rushed in after them, and soon an all-out-brawl erupted.

Auras clashed wildly as kinks flew at each other from every direction. It was hard to tell what exactly was going on, but I did see a glimpse of Evanito attempting to strangle Jordanio with his bare hands.

Then, suddenly, I heard a stern female voice that seemed to be coming from somewhere within Recon's aura. I couldn't make out what the voice was saying, but Recon was responding to it. He dropped to his knees and bowed his head.

"Yes, mistress, everything is under control. Is there anything else that I can do for you, my beautiful queen?"

"That girl over there!" the voice said, and it seemed louder now. "The one with white hair and the stupid trucker hat."

Recon raised his head and looked directly at us. "The one with the huge rack?"

He was talking about Truck-chan!

"Yes, her. I sense ancient magic oozing from every cell in her body. Go grab her... RIGHT NOW!"

"OH YES, MISTRESS!" Recon ejaculated and bowed again.

"Birito-kun," Truck-chan said, her voice quivering. "Why is he looking at us?!"

Recon suddenly stood up and started walking towards us. His dark aura followed behind him like a burning shadow.

"RUN, TRUCK-CHAN!" I said without thinking. "He's after YOU. I'll keep him busy while you get away."

"There's nowhere to run!" Lubo cried. "We're trapped inside this stealth magic space."

"Just run and hide," I replied. "When the others finish with the Darchangels, they'll come and help us."

Truck-chan shook her head. "No! I'm not leaving you, Birito-kun."

"Truck-chan, listen. He's after you for some reason, but he doesn't care about me. Just run and don't let him find you. I'll be fine."

"NO!" Truck-chan shouted. "I won't leave you alone with that creepy demon pervert!"

We didn't have time for this. Recon was approaching quickly, and his ominous aura made my flesh crawl even from a distance. If Truck-chan wasn't going to leave, then I had to confront Recon before he could reach her.

I felt a tremendous amount of power bubbling up inside me, and the green glow around my body was getting brighter.

"Take care of Truck-chan, Lubo," I said. The elf nodded and grabbed Truck-chan's hand. He was trying to pull her in the direction of the forest, but she was still resisting.

"NO! BIRITO-KUN! NO!"

But I wasn't afraid. The power inside me was growing stronger as I walked towards Recon.

"Out of the way, stupid kid," Recon said after I stepped in front of him.

"If you want the girl, you'll have to go through me first," I said sternly, trying to sound as cool as possible. The power within me was about to burst out through every pore on my body.

"HUA-HUA-HUA," Recon laughed. "Don't mind if I do!"

The aura behind him turned into that smoke again, and then the smoke rushed towards me. But I was prepared. A single word escaped my throat almost on its own─SAMURINA!─and then I saw her. A woman bathed in a bright green aura manifested right before me. She seemed to be holding a sword─a samurai sword!─and she swung the weapon in the direction of Recon.

But then, in an instant, the purple smoke engulfed her, and barely a second later the smoke was upon me, too.

All I could see was darkness: a vast purple darkness that quickly faded to black. There was a strong smell in the air; an ugly smell, like burning latex.

And then I heard it. Soft, relaxing music that sounded all too familiar.

It was the sound of my alarm clock.