16 Billy

As we walked through the stone tunnel, we could see lights on the other side. We could also hear incessant repetitive chanting; a single two-syllable word was being repeated over and over again, and at first I couldn't quite make out what that word was. But as we came closer, the word slowly came into focus.

"BILLY! BILLY! BILLY!"

It only took a dozen steps for us make our way from one end of the tunnel to the other, and once we emerged on the other side, we saw a shocking sight. A dozen people dressed in dirty bathrobes were chasing someone. All the people in bathrobes held wooden paddles, and the young man who was being chased was completely naked.

"BILLY! BILLY! BILLY!" the people in bathrobes screamed over and over again. Every time they came close enough to the naked man, they would smack him right on the ass with their paddles, and he would cry out and run faster.

"Eww!" Truck-chan squealed. "What is this place?!"

Animak laughed. "Truck-chan, my dear, this is only the beginning."

"Birito, Truck-chan, stay close to me." Briggo said. "I'll keep you safe."

For an instant I saw a flash of teal aura around Johnny, and then the passage that we had just come through vanished. The wall was solid again, as if the opening was never there.

"Wow," I said, marveling at Johnny's Kink's abilities.

Then I took the time to study our new surroundings.

We appeared to be inside a large palace, just as we had been on the other side of the wall. In fact, this vast chamber also looked like a throne room, and in terms of the overall structure of the walls and ceilings around us, I would have guessed that both palaces were built by the very same architects.

But when it came to interior design, the two palaces couldn't be more different. Instead of the luxurious furnishings of Animakistan, the Nuxturian palace was a mishmash of strange objects. There were three-legged chairs and headless statues, creepy paintings that were all tilting to one side for some reason, and colorful graffiti all over the palace walls.

Most of the graffiti consisted of the word "Billy" painted many times in various fonts and colors, but other words seemed to be popular as well, including "Flex" and "Nux". Some of the stained-glass windows were visibly cracked or even outright broken, and the entire palace smelled like body odor.

"Follow me, everyone," Animak proclaimed. He walked confidently through the strange room, flanked by the Men of Culture. The rest of us followed behind them.

The Billy people had run off in the other direction without even noticing us, so we made it most of the way through the chamber without trouble. But then, as we approached the exit, we heard the sound of a bell.

We turned and saw a large man emerging from the shadows in the corner of the room. He wore a cowboy hat and overalls with no shirt underneath, and a large cowbell had been tied around his neck.

"Hey!" the man said. "What are you freaks doing here?"

"What did you just say?" Animak replied.

The cowbell man was picking his nose as he walked up to us. "Look at those ridiculous outfits you're wearing," he said, pointing at our tracksuits.

"Is he serious?" Animak asked Briggo, and Briggo just shrugged.

"You're here for the initiation, right? You were supposed to check in with me first. I'm the security officer for this wing of the palace."

"Why do you have a bell around your neck?" Truck-chan asked. She sounded genuinely curious.

"Stop wasting time! Why are you people still dressed? You should be bare-assed by now. Hurry up, take off your clothes."

"Wait, what?!" I said.

"Look, the girl," the cowbell man said, pointing at Truck-chan. "She's already halfway there. Just unzip those stupid outfits and spread your cheeks. You want to join the Billy Army, right? Then you gotta get paddled."

The longer this conversation continued, the more agitated Animak became. I suddenly realized that a bright red aura was surrounding Animak's body, and the look in his eyes was frightening.

"Come on, you dumb bastards!" the cowbell man screamed. "Here, I'll take 'em off for you." As he approached Animak, apparently intent on stripping him naked, the Men of Culture stepped in-between the two men. But Animak ordered them to stand down.

"You, guy in white, come here," the cowbell man said to Animak. Now that he was close to us, we could smell liquor and sweat oozing out of every pore on his body. The cowbell jingled as he walked up to Animak, but before he could put his hands on the Emperor, a giant red wing emerged out of Animak's back.

The wing smacked the cowbell man across the chest with incredible speed and the man was sent flying, the bell around his neck ringing wildly. He landed on the ground halfway across the room, and after that we heard nothing but loud drunken snoring. Animak knocked him out in an instant.

The giant wing on Animak's back melted away into his aura as we all resumed the march across the chamber, and it wasn't long before we left the throne room and emerged inside a dark hallway.

The only light that we could see was the red aura around Animak, which was still shining brightly. It was this aura that lit our way through a series of dark, winding corridors until we entered a spacious lobby. The lobby had a tall domed ceiling that towered above us, and a large arched doorway stood on the other end of the lobby. Briggo confirmed that this door was our destination.

But before we could make our way across, we heard shouting and the jingling of bells, and suddenly we were surrounded by cowbell-wearing security guards and people in bathrobes screaming "BILLY!"

Briggo, Animak, and the Men of Culture formed a protective circle around Truck-chan, Lubo, and myself. The Billy Army stroked their paddles, hooting and hollering like madmen as they completed their encirclement.

"OH NO!" Truck-chan screamed, and Lubo was scared too, but I wasn't worried. Maybe I was losing my mind, but something told me that we would all be safe as long as we stayed close to Animak and Briggo.

Suddenly, a shrill high-pitched laughter thundered through the lobby.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"What is that?!" I asked. I had been fine up to this point, but this wild psychotic laughter sent a chill through my bones.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" the laughing continued, and then, as we looked up, we saw a man coming down a set of stone steps. The laughter was coming from him.

"Well, well, well," the man said, "it's my old friends, Briggo and Animak."

The man was wearing long black robes and he had a crooked crown on his head. His hair was brown with bright red highlights in the middle, which gave him the appearance of a rooster. As the man came closer, I realized that he was wearing a pound of makeup. The creamy white liquid was mixing with black eyeliner and running down his face, and this made his entire face look like it was melting.

"Hold on a minute," Briggo said. "Noble… is that you?"

The man suddenly tensed up. "What? No! I mean, yes, of course, I am indeed noble… the Noble King Nuxanor!" He extended his arms towards the lunatics in bathrobes. "Isn't that right, my wonderful fambase?"

"BILLY! BILLY! BILLY!" they all chanted like mindless drones.

"Noble, what are you doing…" Briggo began, but the man who introduced himself as Nuxanor hurried over to Briggo. He looked around nervously before leaning in.

"Hey, Briggo, good to see you man. You too, Animak."

Animak nodded.

"Listen, guys, I'm just here covering for Nuxanor. He had to leave for a few days so he asked me to fill in and keep the Billys in line."

"So you're pretending to be him?" Briggo asked.

"Shh, not so loud," the man who's real name was Noble said softly. Then he turned towards the mob and smiled. "Not to worry, fam! I am about to FLEX on these intruders!"

The crowd cheered and clapped, and then they started chanting "BILLY" again, now even louder than before.

"We need to talk to Nuxanor," Briggo told Noble. "The real one. It's urgent."

Noble sighed. "Man, you're telling me! I'm losing my mind with all these Billy wackos running around the palace. My face is breaking out in hives from all the makeup, and you think trying to sound like Nuxanor all day long is easy?! My vocal cords are killing me from all the screaming. It's like having gonorrhea, but in your throat."

"Who's the creepy clown guy?" Truck-chan asked me, but I just shrugged. This whole place was completely insane.

"So, you don't know where he is?" Animak asked Noble.

"I have no idea," Noble replied. "But I know who might." The Billys were becoming more and more restless as the conversation continued.

"Syd?"

Noble nodded. "You know where to find her, right?"

"Yes," Briggo said. "Thanks, Noble."

"Hey, what's going on over there, Lord Nuxanor?" one of the Billys demanded.

Noble turned. "Uhm… hey, well, I'm just preparing to FLEX on them," he said and raised his arms. "It's going to be a BIG FLEX!"

"BIG FLEX!" the Billys began to chant. "BIG FLEX! BIG FLEX!"

"Is anyone here a Kink user?" Animak asked.

Noble shook his head. "No, just me."

"Well, all right then. We'll mop the floor with these morons and head over to Syd's café. You ready, Briggo?"

"No, hold on," Noble said. "If I let leave without even trying to stop you, they'll know something's wrong. And if I use my Kink, they'll know I'm not Nuxanor."

"Then what do we do?" Briggo asked.

Noble turned to Animak. "If you take me hostage," he whispered, "then they'll have to let you go. And if you do the thing…." Noble winked and used his hands to mimic the motion of flapping wings.

"Right," Animak said and nodded. "I understand." Animak's red aura flared up wildly, and this time two giant wings emerged from his back. But the wings were just the start. In the very next moment, an entire person emerged out of the vast red aura ─ a woman with giant dragon-like wings on her back.

"Slavic Queen, grab Noble."

The woman nodded. She wore a long white dress and a large golden crown with spikes poking out of it. Her weapons of choice were sharp steel claws that were somehow attached to her hands. In a matter of seconds, she unfolded her wings, grabbed Noble around the waist, and launched herself into the air. Before we knew it, Slavic Queen was soaring in the air above us, and Noble was dangling from her right arm.

"OH NO!" Noble shouted. "She's got me! I'm a hostage!"

Slavic Queen placed her left hand right next to Noble's neck, the long metallic claws digging into his skin.

The Billys panicked. They started screaming and running around aimlessly.

"Quick, lie down on the ground," one of the Billys said. "If Lord Nuxanor falls, our bodies will soften his landing!"

"YES!" another shouted, and suddenly dozens of Billys were dropping to the ground, one next to the other. They seemed to be forming some sort of human cushion below Noble and Slavic Queen.

"Everyone, please," Noble exclaimed, "let the intruders pass! I can't use my Kink up here. One wrong move and I'll fall to my death. We have to do as they say!"

The Billys screamed and cursed. They looked at us like feral beasts, and Truck-chan shrieked. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. Lubo was scared too, and I could see that he was casually hiding behind Briggo.

"Don't worry," I said. "They can't hurt us." I could tell right away that Animak's Kink had the same intense aura as Chad Lass, and with the added ability to fly, it was practically unstoppable.

"MAKE WAY!" Noble shouted. "Make way for them, NOW!"

The Billys stepped aside and allowed us to pass. Animak and Briggo led the way as we walked through the lobby and out the tall palace doors. Once everyone was out, Slavic Queen swooped down from the ceiling, dropped Noble into a crowd of Billys, and followed us out the door.

We were outside.

Slavic Queen dissolved into red aura as we rushed down the palace steps.

"Let's pick up the pace," Briggo said and we all started running. "It's going to be a long night."