(i) The Day Before I left

Today I stand in front of Lucifer as I do every month. I'm one of the only people in hell who calls him that though. Today, I hope, will be the last time I'm here.

His horns, though I'm aware of their light weight, seem big enough to snap his neck. Despite those horns his body is fairly, how should I say this, petite? I don't know, he just looks like you could easily beat him up, though that's the farthest thing from the truth. His face resembles that of a 14 year old boy, though his body seems older. There's almost a irony with his young look, almost as a cruel joke making fun of how childish it was of him to try and oppose a Founding god.

Because of a humans lack of understanding of horn sizes in hell he may seem harmless. After all his body is only half the size of his horns, and because they curve down he can't walk unless his posture is absolutely perfect. A person may take pity for that, after all it's a human thing to judge based on looks. But as a demon who knows better, I fear him because of those horns, they wind behind him only to connect and continue down to the ground where they then curve back up like elephant tusks. Not to mention the branching off at the start that forms a near mouth guard look and the horns that spike back and form what looks like a two pronged crown. His horns are longer than any other being in hell and add up to be over 20 feet long in total, and that doesn't even account for horn width. This may seem like just a big difference but its even bigger than just big. His horn size shows a power stronger than that of the 13 best demons in his legions. Simply put, he is too powerful.

I'm not alone, my job wouldn't be possible if that was the case, unless there where a lot more gay people. Incubus can't work unless there's a succubus, it's the same the other way around. The problem is though, last month I was sick and we missed that month. I though used last months absence to formulate a plot to get out of hell, yea, being sick was deliberate. So when we leave, I am going to get whatever spell Lucifer has on me and remove it.

"So" Lucifer says in a forced low voice "It seems that you couldn't do work last month, am I right?"

"Yea, to think I'd get a cold down here"

"You probably got it while out in the field"

"Nah, I had a coat on"

"He did" a faint voice comes from the succubus

"See, I told you old man"

"Do I look old to you"

I have worked with this girl for 2 years now. Because of that we live in the same space, and despite that we barely talk. I feel that we just understand each other, we never had problems with how the space was used or anything like that. We just understood without talking. Every time that she talks though it feels kinda weird. Her voice is nice and pleasing to the ears.

"So what, the coats that we make here are designed for hell, a warm as fuck place"

"Yea"

"Anyway, you guys gotta impregnate like 3 more people this time to make up for missing last time"

"Okay, but like how about 2 people"

Despite having a plan to leave I still have some doubts, if it fails I would very much like less work

"Okay bro, just like make them quality then"

"Okay"

"Bye bitch, I hope you die this time"

"I cant make any promises"

*fwiosh*

And we're back in the town...

"How can you be so chill with Lucifer" she asks

"Cuz, we where both angels together"

"Wow"

"Yea, anyways I can't believe you haven't asked about this yet"