Entry 1: 2019

It was raining, I hate the rain. Because it's always raining when it happenes, just like the last time and the last time before that. It was always raining every time they met, like the world was in mourning every time they met, like the world was giving a harrowing sign of something inevitable.

How conventional…

There he was, tall broad shadow figure waiting by the door, his stance strong, firm, and unyielding, just as he has always been. I felt him before I even saw him, and though his back was turned to me, I knew it was him as my car pulled to a stop in front of the hotel; The Heritage: Where history lives how fitting.

“We have arrived Miss” the chauffer announced as he opened the door and placed the umbrella to roof over my head.

Stand straight, chin up and look straight.

The sound of raindrops was drowned out by the sound of my heels clicking against the wet pavement as I focused on putting one foot in front of the other, focused on making it through the revolving doors. My heart tightened in my chest as I passed by him and through the revolving doors, proud of myself not to look even as I walked past him.

Yet as the revolving doors incased me and made its turn, I was permitted a glimpse of him, instantly I was drowned with longing as the revolving continued to carry me through their cycle.

“Oh, thank you goodness Nora, you made it , the weather suddenly turned sour, thankfully that did not phase your fans” before I can get taken away by another turn of the doors, I was pulled out of it by a small woman with large curly red hair and thick cat like glasses. My assistant Carrie painted this dark gloomy Saturday afternoon with her outfit alone. She began listing out their itinerary for the event as she ushered me forward. With each sentence of her high-pitched voice my worries get pushed further and further down below the depth of my mind, the section reserved for matters ‘I hope the dust collects on top of it and I forget about it’, just behind the ‘I have to do this but I’d rather not’ section of my brain.

Thank goodness for her ability to undermine everything else other than what her schedule says drowned out everything else, including the love of her life standing a few feet from her. Almost.

Carrie led me across the hotel lobby and passed the restaurant and towards the reserved venue for event. The book signing event that she practically coerced me into.

“Now check this out” Carrie paused by the door conference hall and pushed the double doors open with so much vigor, I could faintly hear the door hinges beg for help. I chuckled at her theatrics as I walked past her, as soon as I stepped foot inside, the lights flooded the room, and I held my breath.

The entire hall was magical and picturesque, with the floor carpeted with a soft deep green carpet, bushes of flowers and plants loitering the floors, bronze chairs with white cushions decorated with soft pastel tule and crawling vines of flowers, surrounded the room in a random semi-semi. Fog clouded the room, the colored lights merging with the fog giving the room an ethereal mask. The ceiling flooded with deep midnight blue tulle and silk resembling a dark night sky with lights dangling in cascades of stars. In the middle aisle where I stood a stream of mirrors reflected the ceiling as it went all the way towards the center stage, only yielding to the centerpiece, the very heart of the room. A fountain of marble, an ivory white marble, with its water glistening as it flows, , lights flickering beneath the surface, each flow moving on its own with each other like a visual symphony. Walking forward I marveled at the sight, sitting on the ledge of the fountain to dip my fingers in the water. Altogether the sight was enchanting yet, as I am taking in the scene, I can’t help but feel the cold sadness envelop me as the fog encircles around.

“So, what do you think?” Carrie sped walk to sit in front of me.

“What can I say Carrie, you did it again. How’d you get it to look so- as if you read my mind” I choked down the tears as my heart began to tighten.

“I know right! But full disclosure, I cannot take credit for any of this, I couldn’t even begin to imagine installing a fountain in the middle of this room, but I got some guy who knew a guy who would totally do it in exchange for a signed copy of the book cause he was this huge fan of yours and would totally love to meet you,”

“Well, aren’t we lucky” I laughed as I continued to marvel at how it looked and almost felt familiar.

“Come on, we need to get you freshened up, the event starts in two hours, so you still have time to rest,” Carrie began dragging me to the dressing room behind the stage, once we got there, she paused in front of the door and faced me, a look of concern etched on her face.

“Okay, just to warn you, Edward Evans left you a little congratulations gift basket, and before you can ask, no we did not receive it, it was already there when we arrived.”

I sighed, it was another concern I did not want to have to deal with today, but there it was.

“Do you want me to take care of it or get rid of it or I can always give it to –“ Carrie offered, as my forehead scrunched.

“Don’t worry, I got it” as I entered the room, Carrie looks at me in silence for a few moments before resigning herself with a sigh.

“Glam team will be here in thirty so make sure you get some rest; I’ll see you then” Carrie reminded, and I nodded with a smile.

That smile disappeared as soon as the door clicked shut. Alone in the silence gave me plenty of room to wallow in my thoughts, in my memories. I dropped my bag on the floor, leaning against the door, putting my weight on it in a futile attempt to stop everything from happening once again.

After a few minutes of stubbornly leaning against the door, I moved across the dark room, feeling my way through the furniture, letting my hands guide me until my hands latched on to the book. The book responsible for today’s event.

The Fairy and the Fountain Eternal. Clutching the book to my chest, tears began to pour from my eyes. First in gentle drizzle soon they began pouring almost as if imitating the downpour outside.

How long must I be punished?