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"A little cliché, wasn't it?" I ask.

"HOW SO?" a voice that would vibrate your fillings out asked.

"Truck-kun? I mean, couldn't you guys come up with a less messy and less painful way to off someone? That shit hurt, you know?"

"WELL, TO BE FAIR, WE DID TRY OTHER MEANS."

I frowned, or I would have if I weren't incorporeal. "You did? When?"

"KIDNEY INFECTION, LIGHTNING STRIKE, PANDEMIC, TRAIN DERAILMENT, TIGER ATTACK, TERRORIST ATTACK, A COUPLE OF OTHERS."

My non-existing mouth was hanging open. "Are you fucking serious? Tell me you did not create a pandemic just to try to take me out and managed not even to give me the sniffles? And that tiger thing was complete bullshit. You almost got someone else eaten."

"THE PANDEMIC WAS PREPLANNED, BUT IT WAS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO TRY TO TAKE OUT TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. AND THE TIGER WENT OFF SCRIPT."

"Well, it is a tiger after all... You guys seriously tried to kill me that many times?"

"YEAH, YOU'RE THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A COCKROACH. EVENTUALLY, WE SENT TRUCK-KUN OUT, AND IT STILL TOOK YEARS TO GET YOU."

"I almost feel proud of myself."

"YOU SHOULD."

"You couldn't have waited a week, you know? I was finally graduating. One more week, and I would have gotten my diploma and everything. My parents were coming to see it."

"YEAH, SORRY ABOUT THAT. ONCE TRUCK-KUN IS DEPLOYED, HE'S RELENTLESS. SO, ARE YOU READY?"

"For what? You haven't even told me why you wanted me to die so bad."

"OH. THAT WAS PART OF OUR PLAN."

"Your plan?"

"OUR INEFFABLE PLAN, THAT YOU NEARLY F'D BY STUBBORNLY NOT DYING."

"I'm not apologizing for that."

"MEH. SO, YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND WHAT WE'RE DOING NOW."

I couldn't help but be a little excited about this. I've read a few light novels, web novels, watch some isekai animes and fanfics. I'm pretty sure what comes next. "I'm guessing I'm being sent to some world that needs a chosen one or something along those lines, where a demon lord is about to be born, or some such nonsense, and I get to grow powerful and develop a harem of sexy and powerful lady friends. Is that about right?"

"... YOU KNOW YOU LEFT OUT THE WHOLE SAVING THE WORLD PART, RIGHT? ANYWAY, YOU ARE ALMOST RIGHT. REALLY THOUGH, WE'RE SENDING YOU TO A TRAINING WORLD WHERE YOU'LL DEVELOP YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES BEFOREHAND, AND IF WE NEED YOU IN THE FUTURE, WE'LL SEND A PORTAL TO BRING YOU TO WHERE WE NEED YOU TO BE."

"Oh."

"DISAPPOINTED?"

"A little. I thought there was some urgency and a world was in peril or something. I thought that's why you were trying so hard to off me."

"WE LIKE TO BE PREPARED. PLAN AHEAD, STAY PREPARED, AND BE READY FOR ANYTHING."

"I guess that's better than scrambling at the last minute. Okay, so what's this training world like?"

"EACH TRAINING WORLD IS TAILORED TO THE PERSON BEING SENT THERE. THEY'RE USUALLY BASED AROUND WORLDS FOR FANTASY THAT THE PERSON IS FAMILIAR WITH, LIKE A FAVORITE BOOK OR TELEVISION SERIES. ANIME AND MANGA SEEM TO BE POPULAR PLACES THE WORLDS ARE DRAWN FROM."

"So I'll know this world then?"

"SORT OF. THERE MAY BE SOME DIFFERENCES BECAUSE WORLD-BUILDING ISN'T ALWAYS FRONT AND CENTER IN A LOT OF THESE FANTASY STORIES, AND WE NEED A COMPLETE WORLD TO WORK IT OUT, SO, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, WE HAVE TO FILL IN THE GAPS."

"Makes sense, I guess. Can I pick the world?"

"SORRY, THAT'S AUTOMATIC AND HAPPENS DURING THE TRANSFER."

"What about wishes, cheat abilities, a system, or something?"

"DID YOU WANT A SYSTEM?"

"Mmm. Tempting, but no."

"THEN HOW ABOUT THREE WISHES?"

"Sounds good. What are the limitations? I assume omnipotence is out."

"GOOD GUESS. THESE WISHES CAN GRANT YOU UP TO S-RANK POWER LEVEL ABILITIES."

"Is this the normal F through S rank? I'm guessing there are ranks above S?"

"MORE OR LESS, AND YES, THERE ARE SEVERAL RANKS ABOVE S."

I thought about this for a while. He said the wishes could grant up to S-rank abilities. He didn't say each wish could only grant one ability, though... Let's see if I can push my luck.

I open my non-existent mouth to make my first wish but am interrupted.

"BEFORE YOU MAKE A WISH, MAY WE MAKE A SUGGESTION?"

"Of course. When a god asks for you to listen to their suggestion, you say yes."

"A WISE PHILOSOPHY, INDEED. SINCE YOU WON'T KNOW THE EXACT WORLD YOU ARE IN BEFORE YOU ARRIVE THERE, YOU COULD MAKE A WISH FOR AN S-RANK STARTER PACK. IT WOULD INCLUDE CERTAIN BONUS ABILITIES THAT WILL MAKE YOUR TRANSITION MUCH MUCH EASIER. I STRONGLY SUGGEST THIS."

I got the distinct impression that if I didn't listen to this advice, I'd regret it. I also had a bad feeling that I would regret it anyway, but let's err on the side of keeping a god happy.

"Okay then, for my first wish, I would like the upgraded S-rank Starter Pack for the worldSSS I'm going to," I said, emphasizing the 's' in worlds. I know in the future, I may get sent to multiple worlds; I may as well get a super starter pack for each one.

"HEH. GOOD CHOICE. WHAT ELSE?"

I wait a moment. I want to build a little suspense. If I just came right out and said what I wanted, it would be boring, wouldn't it? Maybe not. I should just spit it out. "I wish for the suite of abilities granted to Noir Stardia by Olivia Servant in the first episode of the anime The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter."

"..."

"..."

Crap, don't tell me I won't be able to get them this way? Was it too much?

"THAT'S ACTUALLY A DOUBLE S-RANKED SET OF ABILITIES... BUT IF WE BUILD IN A FEW LIMITATIONS, WE CAN LOWER IT DOWN TO AN S-RANK. IT SHOULD BE FINE."

Well, poop. I get it, it is a rather broken set of abilities with unlimited potential, but I think I can work with this. I was going to wish for something like the Gate of Babylon or an inner world or something, but I think I've got a better idea. Something that will help me in the long term.

"For my final wish... I wish that all of my abilities are upgradeable and evolvable."

"... OH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. IF ALL YOUR ABILITIES ARE UPGRADEABLE, THEN YOU CAN PUSH THEM PAST THE S-RANK CAP. WELL PLAYED. ADDING AN UPGRADE AND EVOLUTION TAG TO ABILITIES IS DEFINITELY WITHIN THE SCOPE OF AN S-RANK POWER."

"Thanks. I'm glad that works."

"ALRIGHT, ARE YOU READY TO GO?"

"Almost. I was wondering how my family is doing? Maybe you could like erase me from that world completely, so they don't remember. I don't really want my mom to have to feel that. She's had it rough enough. On that note, maybe you could drop a house on my stepfather. My mother deserves much better than that scumbag. Oh, shit, am I going to forget?"

"HAHAHA. IT'S ALRIGHT. WE'LL SEE TO YOUR FAMILY AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR MEMORIES. THERE IS NO SOUL SCRUBBING IN THIS SORT OF REINCARNATION. YOUR SOUL WILL JUST MERGE WITH THE PERSON YOU'RE GOING TO BE, STRENGTHENING YOUR SOUL ENOUGH TO HANDLE YOUR NEW ABILITIES. WHILE WE'RE AT IT, WE'LL TRANSFER OVER THE EQUIVALENT LP THAT YOU WOULD HAVE HAD AT THE END OF YOUR PREVIOUS LIFE. THINK OF IT AS A STARTING POINT FOR YOUR ABILITIES TO GROW."

"Oh, awesome. Thanks a bunch."

"WELL, WE DID SORT OF GO OVERBOARD A LITTLE IN RECRUITING YOU."

A little, he says. There had been times I was sure God was out to get me, and apparently, I was right.

"ALRIGHT. NOW, ARE WE READY?"

I take a deep breath and once again realize I'm not a corporeal being... yet. "Sure. Let's do this thing."

"HAVE FUN."

The world bends, or maybe that's just me. I feel like one of those exercise bands that someone is overstretching—the next moment, I'm released and sent careening across the cosmos.

.

.

.

"WHY DID IT TAKE US SO MANY TRIES TO CLAIM HIM?" a more feminine but just as intense voice asks.

"WHY DO YOU THINK?"

"WAS IT HER?"

"THEM. THEY WERE DEAD SET ON LETTING HIM LEAD A NORMAL LIFE FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE."

"WITH HIS SOUL? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE."

"AND YET HE WENT TWENTY-TWO YEARS WITHOUT A HINT OF POWER LEAKING OUT."

"HOW?"

"THIRTEEN SEALS KEPT HIM IN CHECK. THREE OF THEM, THOUGH FRAYED, WERE STILL WORKING WHEN WE FINALLY GOT HIM."

"LOVE DOES STRANGE THINGS TO PEOPLE, I GUESS, EVEN TO GODS."

.

.

.

The world is a dark and swirling chaos. I have no idea how long I've been in this space or when I'll finally merge with my new self, but I hope it's soon. That noise is driving me nuts. It's almost like someone is talking, but I can't hear them very well. I focus on the sound, and eventually, I can make it out.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" the voice of a young-sounding girl says. Am I not awake? I must be close.

"I-If you don't get up, I-I'll kiss you."

Wait a minute. I know this sound. This... oh God. I'm not... Am I?

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake-"

I slap the button on the ecchi alarm clock. I'm afraid to open my eyes. I think I know which fantasy world I wound up in. Recently I'd been reminiscing about cheesy ecchi anime and watched a few episodes of a couple, including one where the main character had a weird alarm clock that was a different virtual girl to wake him up every day.

Please, tell me I didn't just reincarnate as the Boob Dragon? I mean, I guess there are worse anime to wind up in. Not too many people die a horrible death in this one... I think. I never finished the series and only skimmed through the wiki. At least it's not like Akame Ga Kill or something. That one made me sad. Sheele did not deserve her fate.

I'm getting ahead of myself. First things first. I need to analyze my abilities, so let's Get Creative.

'Create ability, Discerning Eye.'

I feel my body getting a little weak from the expended energy. That took a significant portion of my reserves. I use my newly created ability on myself.

[Name: Issei Toujou

[Lv. 17

[Species: Hero/???/???/??? (SEALED)

[Age: 18 (Author sprays FBI Begone)

[Occupation: Student

[Skills: [Superhuman Condition (A)], [Enhanced Speed (S)], [??? (??) (SEALED)], [Plus Ultra (S)],

[??? (??)], [Get Creative (S)], [Bestow (S)], [Editor (S)], [LP Conversion (S)], [Swordsmanship (D)], [Discerning Eye (A)]

[Quirk: Banishing Shift (S) (SEALED)

[Sacred Gear: Boosted Gear (S) (LOCKED)

[Artifacts: Brynhildr (S) (SEALED)

"What the fuck?... What the fuck did those gods do?"

'There is a lot to unpack here. First off, the name. Wasn't Issei's surname Hoodat or something? Maybe Hoodoo or Hyoudou... That might be it. Anyway, it wasn't Toujou. Toujou? That rings a bell, though. Wait... Banishing Shift? Oh, shit. I remember this one. I used to laugh that this one ripped half its characters straight from Highschool DXD. This is that incest heavy one Testament of Sister New Devil. Oh, shit, does that mean that I'm a mash-up of Issei and Bassara? Does that mean that 'I'll kill you a hundred times,' girl is going to show up?'

'Fuck, I need more information. Shouldn't my memories of the previous eighteen years have kicked in by now?'

As though that thought was the trigger, an excruciating pain rips into my head. I'm not sure if this is the migraine to end all migraines or if someone is actively drilling into my head slowly with a two-inch bit. I'm not exactly sure how long the pain lasts, maybe one or two centuries, but when it ends, I find blood on my pillow in multiple places coming from my nose, ears, and eyes.

"Well, that sucked. I have literally been struck by lightning, and I would much rather take a bolt to the crotch over that. Wait, Akeno is in this universe; I take it back. I don't need to tempt fate like that. But now, at least I understand this world a little more, and boy is it fucked up."