8 Don'bring me back

I slumped my body to the bed as I get in my room. My feet dangle in the side flipping my slippers off. I rub my temple, hoping it could thwart off what had happened to me this day. I send a desperate prayer as I shut my eyes hard. Hoping it could erase everything I had seen today. Earlier, I want this day to end fast so I can eventually get rid of the unwanted long-gone familiar feelings that's been building up. When it shoudn't be in the first place had I listen to my gut. When we're going back from the water, I had wished time would slow a bit. I had wished the sun would leisurely descend and rise to the other parts of the Earth so we won't go back yet. This is crazy. I am crazy. I'm not meant to do mundane things. I've become---

Somebody's knocking hard on the door. Then I hear Samantha hollers from outside.

"Daemon! Let me in!" the fierceness in her voice startles me. I get up and turn the knob. I back away immediately as she throws the door open.

"What's the problem?" I look at her bemused.

"I don't have. You're the one who has a problem here." she said angrily.

"What?"I look at her still bemuse. She's staring at me hard. I stare at her for a brief second then slap my forehead. I groan inside. How could have I forget it?

"Samantha listen, I need to change my name because I remind her of the person she hated so I agreed when she ask me to. It's no big deal."

"Why would it bother you? Does changing your name give her amnesia that your name is not Daemon?" she snap.

"No. But she's here to mend herself. And everytime she calls my name, she can't bring it without adding the second. And it annoyed me." I said calmly. It really annoyed me so I need not to feign my expression in front of my sister. I hate how I can't hide my feelings to anyone. It's always plastered in my face, giving myself away.

"Are you really trying to help her, or yourself?" she narrows her eye. I stare at her blankly. But I believe my expression depicts confusion because she tilted her head and cock her brow. I grope for a word to say because at this very moment, she just mentioned the thing I couldn't bring myself to admit. Aren't I? I didn't even want to analyze about it earlier. I hate to form the words in my head much more to hear it the Samantha's way. I look away and pretended to fix my things.

"What?" I said laughing, "I don't know what you're talking about, Sam. Karina initiated to change my name. I couldn't have done it if she did not request."

"Did she pick the name?" I'm on my knees bending beside my bed to get my slippers and stop midway. I grip the edge of the bed and stares at the darkness under it. I slowly stand up and face her, trying hard to appear calm and innocent. Her arms' fold in front, brow still cock, expecting. That familiar look on her face makes me wince inside. She's waiting for ammunition to fire her old litany. So naturally, I brace myself...

...By turning around and walking toward the window. This will gonna be long night and honestly, I'm tired. She tap her feet on the floor. I heave a deep breath and focus my gaze at the ocean. "I did." I said hastily in low voice.

I heard her sigh heavily. As if she's been holding that breathe for a long time.

"Because you need a reminder of who you are and what you shouldn't do?" she asks. But it's almost a statement. Verbatim is always been the worst way to express a scathing truth. Samantha seems to have a talent in that area.

"Yes. Look Sam, I'm really tired. This is really nonsense. Please leave."

"Daemon you know you can't do this. Ethan's gone. And for heaven's sake, wake up. You don't want this! You don't need this." she's fuming now.

"Sam I'm on my last year when the school open's again. And you sound like I'm choosing a life of hell. It's not good. It's wrongful in all ways. Samantha please, I'm really tired of this conversation. A year from now I'll be officially established. So please stop this okay? Please." I face her to let her know how serious I am.

"I'm tired of this too. But I just can't sit here and let you live miserably the life you choose to take."

"Miserably? God Sam. Do you ever hear yourself say that? I'm choosing Him and you tell me I'll be living a miserable life?" I'm mad now. She just doesn't have the right to insult me. And Him. She's crossing the line. I didn't expect her to say that. Never once in all her grievance she had tell me that thing.

"Maybe you WILL not be living a miserable life. Because Daemon, you've worked up a dark miserable life long before. You've built a wall of lies in yourself with mom. If I go about precluding you from a life with Him, it's not because I find it wrongful. I can revel to it for more ways than one because not every family can have a member inside a clergy. I would love to see you in it under different circumstance, not in this situation. Not to these grounds."

My eyes widen for a second before I give her a dark shot the moment she said the last sentence. No. She can't possibly bring it up again. I run my hand on my hair in frustration, the other rest on my hips. "We are not talking about it Samantha. I am your older brother and I deserve a respect notwithstanding the fact that you can't come around with my decisions." I said clenching my teeth. She look shock and apologetic for a second. But as she retreat her pace a step, her face becomes impassive again.

I can see her biting the inside of her cheeks. So I know, behind that stoic stance, she's a bit tense and faze. We share that little tic. "Did you tell Karina?" She said without the effort of moving her lips. She's still Samantha though.