125 EXTRA: Timothy's Journal
Page One.
They say I am sick. You know that kind of 'sickness' which involves a lot of visit to a fucking psychiatrist? Yeah, that's how fucked up I am. They say I have a schizo-shit-what. I don't know what the hell that means but it's a mental-fuck-disorder. My father thinks I have lost my mind, that I may have been hit a lot of times in the head and I am now mentally insane. But that old bastard doesn't know anything about my fucking life.
I lost someone, my wife. She's not really my wife, we're not married yet. She's mine, that's all I know. She is mine and I will find her.
I'm eighteen years old, a high school student. I have my own school, my own district, my own gang, I should be fucking happy. I have everything, but no. My friends ask me almost every-fucking-annoying-day-of-my-fucked-up-life why I do this. Why can't I just move on with my shitty life? That I have fucking everything, that there are hundreds of girls falling at my feet. That I should fucking move on, forget about her. They ask me why? They don't understand a shit, I would trade all these just to find her. They don't understand what she means to me. She is my angel, my fucking salvation in this shitty life. I want to see her again. I want to see her again. I want to see my Sammy again.
Page Two.
This is the lamest and gayest shit I did in my fucked-up life. Why should I do this anyway? Fucking shrink told me that I should write what's bothering me. That it would help my mental-fuck-disorder. The fact that they think I am insane when I am not bothers me a fucking lot! And what bothers me the most is my fucking parents. My goddamn father and the woman he married. Why do I still call them my parents anyway? Fuck I don't know! The thing is, they wanted me to meet this girl. A GIRL?! Why would I want to meet a GIRL?! Are they nuts?! Girls are annoying! FUCKING CLINGY and NOSY! They are materialistic and shallow! Now they want me to date one?! How Fucked-Up my miserable life can be?!
Page Three
I went to the club today. Got myself and the gang in a bloody fight! Some fucking douche bag made me pissed off! He ended up in a fucking hospital. Serves him right!
I got arrested. Again. Sent to jail. Got bailed the next morning. I don't care. I smoke like a fucking chimney. I drink like a fucking fish. I fight like a fucking wild animal. I go to jail like a fucking criminal. This is how my messed-up life runs. It's a fucked-up cycle. This is my life. A life of a basket-case. A life of a delinquent. A life I can never change. This is my fate. My fucking way of dying. I don't care.
Page Four
The bastard hit me again. Fuck! That old man should go die and rot in hell! I don't call him father. I don't have one. I am not related to that piece of shit! Dammit! The only reason why I'm holding my self back from hitting him is my sister. My five-minute-older twin-sister. Shit! I have to go beat up someone!
Page Five
This is the worst day of my life! Hershey, my cousin, tried to hit on me again. Man, it was disgusting! Is she stupid or something is wrong with her brain?! She's my COUSIN! I'm her fucking COUSIN! We're blood related!! And she's trying to flirt with me?! Maybe she should see my shrink. Maybe she has a fucking shizo-shit-what. Maybe she needs to go to a fucking hospital.
Then I got yelled at by some crazy girl! SHE FUCKING SCREAMED AT ME! This is why I hate girls! They are fucking LUNATIC! What the fuck is wrong with them?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEIR BRAINS?! Maybe they all have a shizo-shit-what. They are fucking mental!
But that's not the end of it! I GOT SLAPPED BY A FUCKING RETARD! SHE FUCKING HIT ME! DAMMIT!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM AND THEY FUCKING SCREAMED AND HIT ME IN FRONT OF SO MANY FUCKING NOSY BITCHES!
THAT was the most embarrassing minute of my fucked-up life. She will pay for this! I'll make sure of it! When I see her again, SHE'S DEAD!
Page Six
It was all over the fucking internet! Fuck it! People laughed at me! Man, they had some guts to fucking laugh at me?! This is all that retarded girl's fault! Speaking of that lunatic, I didn't see her today. Must be hiding her ugly face! Fuck! She's pissing me off!
My parents are bugging me again. I told them I already have a freakin girlfriend, a lie, of course, they didn't buy it. They knew me too well. Shit!
I have to find a girl that I can use, make her pretend as my girlfriend. Fuck it! Maybe I'll just ask Red since he has too many girls.
One thing I can't understand about him. He has so many girls. Girls are freakin' annoying and loud! How can he deal with it every-fucking-day? It's not even fun screwing different girls every night. Damn it! I don't care.
Page Seven
I fuckin' found HER! That crazy girl who had some guts to embarrass me in front of so many nosy bitches and uploaded the whole fuckin' scene on the internet! Fuck.
She looked so fuckin' scared when she saw me. Good. She should be scared! She should know how to be scared of me!
She ran off! The fuck! She's a fuckin fast runner! Is she human? She looked so weak and small, how can she outrun me?! Dammit!
Red saw her though and Hershey my annoying cousin. Red knew the retard! I don't know how! He's a fucking womanizer! He told me what school she was attending to. Oh, she's going to fucking pay for this! She's so fcking six-feet under, DEAD!
Page Eight
I went to her school. Too many Goddamn Fugly Faces. Fucking Girls, so fucking annoying! They were Screaming and Yelling and Blushing and Squeaking and ANNOYING the hell out of me! I thought my ears were gonna fall off. So Fucking LOUD!
It was my definition of Hell! Her School was HELL! Girls are Satan's Spawns! FUCK IT! She's so DEAD!
So I Smoked.
Then she came. She looked scared shitless! She stared at me with her big eyes! What The Fuck Is She Staring At?! Fuck! She's ugly. I Don't Like Her. I left. Red should handle her. He's good at it anyway.
Page Nine
The Gang kept on annoying me. Telling me to call my fake girlfriend. Girlfriend. Hearing them say that to me makes me want to throw up!
We got in a fight with the Rival Gang. That Horny Bastard tried to hit on HER?! She's MINE!! He should know how to stay away from my property!! She cried. I remember, she fucking cried and hugged me last night. I was sent to this fucking hospital because of her, not the reason why she cried though. She thought that I was dying. Fuck! Do I look like some sick weakling?!
I'm not weak! She's a COMPLETE Idiot. A fucking RETARD! I called her. It was boring anyway and I wanted to annoy her!
That was the second time that I called her. The first time didn't go too well. I think hearing her voice makes me... sick. Her voice was annoying. VERY Girly!
I feel something weird whenever I talk to her. Like my stomach knotting and turning up-side down. Damn! She makes me sick! I have to take my medicine.
Page Ten
I showed her to my parents. I was expecting some yelling and cussing but it went smooth. Too smooth for my liking. I tried to ruin it but failed. Then it dawned on me. She was RICH! Her family was fucking filthy rich! That's why my parents liked her. They were both pleased.
The bastard smiled. HE fucking smiled at HER! I wanted to punch him in the face!
After dinner we went to a bar. I dumped her. It was all over anyway. I'm done with her. I just used her. She should know that I was just playing with her.
She was drunk. She laughed like a lunatic. She said she hates me, she hates her life though, more than me.
I felt uneasy hearing her ramblings. Her life was miserable. She's fucked-up like me, only, she was pretending and I'm not. She was pretending to be someone else so her parents would be proud of her. It was killing her inside, I know.
She's a complete retard. For the first time, I felt sorry for someone. A Girl. Just a Girl. A First. A bad thing. I hate it.
Page Eleven
Red fucking told me who she really is. I am stupid. I am so stupid for letting her slip away from me just like that. My Sammy, she's in front of me and I didn't even recognize her! Fucking shit! Goddammit! Now I don't know what the fuck should I do!
She's different! I even called her a bitch! What the fuck is wrong with me?! I didn't mean to call her that and treat her like shit! Why didn't I recognize her immediately? Fuck! I didn't know she has a Miracle in her name. All I fucking know is that she's Samantha. Dammit! I didn't know! Shit! What should I fucking do now?! Fuck! I fucking messed-up!
Page Twelve
She called me a fucking EX-CON. Yeah, I did go to jail too many fucking times. I am not proud of what I did..or do in my life but she called me an EX-CON. Usually, I don't care about anyone's opinion, but when it came from her, it's different. I feel so fucking small in front of her. I hate it.
Page Thirteen
A lot of things happened. I kissed her. I kissed her lips. It was amazing, it felt so fucking amazing. Shit, I don't know how to describe it. She's really soft. She's so fragile. She's so small I can easily crush her in my arms.
I messed up again but she gave me a chance. She's really my Sammy, I know deep inside her, in her heart she recognized me. Her heart remembers me. It's enough for me. It's enough. We can finally start all over again. This time, she'll be my Miracle. I'll love her and someday she'll learn to love me again. I can finally say goodbye to my old friend. For now, goodbye Sammy.
