1 About Creation...

A long time ago in a very distant universe a God appeared...7

This God was no different from the gods we are used to, he commanded everything in the universe according to his divine will. If God wanted a can of flying giant pea just snap your fingers and VUPT... a can of giant pea appeared in front of him...

This God was also immune to any paradox they tried to impose on. If someone came up with a chat saying:

"If God is so powerful could he create a stone so heavy that not even he could lift it? If he did that, he would prove weak and unworthy to be our God..."

God would appear instantly and throw a stone at the unfortunate person who had spoken such words...

God didn't know how to deal with haters...

One day God decided to populate his universe, then in his spatial immensity he began to spread several planets, asteroids, stars, comets and all kinds of celestial bodies to all sides, it was the biggest fireworks show in the history of mankind... humanity that hadn't even appeared yet...

God was so happy with his creation that he named this glorious "Big Bang" day in honor of the explosions and the great spectacle that had occurred.

So God was finally going to start populating his universe, but then he thought...

"Why make all this absurd contingent of planets habitable? Why, it would be a lot easier to populate just one and be looking after them than to create billions of people and worry all the time..."

Maybe he had forgotten his omnipresence that day, or maybe he was just too lazy to keep checking disasters and dangers all the time... even God needs rest now and then ... (that's why, some time later, he created a special day for rest, on which he christened "Sunday").

So God continued his work, looked well across the universe and hit a tiny little planet full of earth, which he called "Earth", yes... God was not good with names...

God chose there to begin his creation, because he sympathized with the Earth's charism (little did he know the chaos that this little planet would become).

Then God noticed how dry the earth's surface was, and as he well knew, "life cannot exist without water...". It was all written in the cookbook: "How to create your humanity at home..."

Ingredients

1 well washed planet

2 cups of H2O (preferably not base acid)

1 atmosphere

1 light source (Sun)

Gravity to taste

How to prepare

"Take your planet and add two cups of water very slowly, mix everything until you notice that there is a firmament between the heavens and the earth.

Put your planet to dry in a light source smeared in butter (don't let it burn).

Add the atmosphere and add gravity so your little creatures don't fly around.

If everything goes wrong take Mars and repeat the process "

With everything prepared, God began his first drafts of living beings.

First he created tiny beings that only lived in water, which he called "Bacteria" and "Protozoa", but these beings were extremely boring... it was better to see the pay-per-view of the "House of the Greek Gods" than they...

So God gave paws to the beings of the water and now they could walk on the earth freely. God called them "Reptiles".

But unintentionally wanting to, God ended up dropping some of his celestial leaven on Earth, which made the reptiles grow and become "Dinosaurs"

God realized his mistake and then decided to erase his creation, but as at that time there was no dumpster, where we can simply discard what we don't like anymore, God took a meteor and hit the dinosaurs, erasing his entire existence on Earth.

Back in the creation phase, God took his sketchbook and spent hours and hours drawing what would be known as "Primates"

Primates that were now over the world, living, hunting and... doing primate things.

These primates were very intelligent and learned things very quickly, they already knew how to handle tools, live together and even handle fire.

But the greatest learning of primates was to walk on two legs.

Once a primate was enjoying his life when he noticed how his back hurt from always being in a semi-bipedal position...

So he decided to get up and all of his kind colleagues started to do the same.

There, there came the "Humans"

God looked at his creation and was satisfied, he finally left the world behind and went to rest in the outer reaches of space...

Little did he know what was coming...