8 A dream II

Zoe opens her eyes, stillness has occupied her whole body. Abruptly, she shrunk on the bed, her body didn't have strength nor she wished to get up from there, and that dream didn't affect her much because she had had worse dreams compared to last night one. It had been four months, yet not even a single day left when those nightmares forgot to repeat, the images of the past never faded.

Those memories might have demonstrated her how heinous she could be when it comes to hating someone, but was that all? Did she hate them because they didn't share blood- relationship? Sometimes she lost herself in reverie, was she only one who did wrong? No, it was half part of the truth, there is a reason for every aversion, she also had reasons which turned her vicious towards them.

Not only her but anyone else could become mischievous when they saw their father with another woman. She caught her father with that woman who was going to be her future stepmom, rolling on the bed together, they were spending good time when her mother was fighting against the brain tumor. Whose daughter wouldn't get disgusted by that woman and that father?  Who wouldn't hold hostility against her? And what about that man? how could he be so heartless? 

He slept with another woman when his wife was counting her last breath, with each passing second she was dying in pain. The anguish she was going through was enough to make anyone's core shake, then how could he not even feel a small amount of compression towards her? Instead he was having pleasure with someone else as if he was waiting for years to see his wife's death. But what about that woman, did she not have little pride, morals or anything that could stop her to commit such a sin?

Suddenly, Zoe stood up from there and went in daze. Whenever she has tried to patch up this unsolved nodule, she has been left in the deep darkness and haziness, where she has always lost the capacity to make a decision and choose a side. Why is everything so complicated? Why is every thread tangled? Why can't all things be simple? There should be a culprit and a victim, so that justice can be done, but it wasn't as modest as she supposed. In this whole incident, candor had many dimensions. Ones had done misdeeds to fulfill their desire, greed and expectations. 

Afterwards, she took out the letters from beg which were left for her by mom, no matter how many times she read those letters, she never got tired or bored, because those letters held her mother's little love and affection, even if it all fake, at least she accept her as her daughter. For this she had been craving since childhood. 

After looking those letters few seconds she started reading:

Mama's little princess, I know, I don't deserve your forgiveness but still I want to apologize and confess. Your mother is not as good a person as you think, in my whole life I did so many deeds that are totally unforgivable and lowly and the one whom I have harmed most is your father and you. I separated your dad from the woman whom he loved the most. I couldn't do anything, I was weak in front of my feelings, I had been in love with him since childhood. I could go to depth in hell for him, yet he picked a lover from the countryside. I was feeling being cheated, scorching of anger was overflowing inside me, I was afraid that I would lose him, so I created misunderstandings between them and parted them from each other. However, I never got a single drop of his love. The woman you have seen with him that night was her, it's not your father's faltu it's mine, so please don't hate him.

Your mom,

A drop of tears comes out of her eyes and falls on the letter. Indeed, he was everything for her, if he wasn't then she wouldn't write those letters for her. Yeah she loved him but what about her? Didn't she deserve any kind of affection from her? Even in her last words,  all were dedicated to him, all she cared about him, she was worried that her daughter would start to hate her husband. She didn't motivate anything about her, not even a small line, entrie letter contained the recommendation of her husband. 

Zoe never complained to her mother for her negligence towards her, she didn't ask, why did she not with her when a daughter needed her mother most? Why did she not spend her precious time with her? Why did she only have feelings for her husband? But now, she wished to meet her and ask for the answers of her questions, why did she write these letters? Did she ever matter? Would her opinions, her feelings make any difference? Why did she give birth to her? Was she also a tool to approach her husband?

She found her mother's last message on her eighteen birthday and she left this world when Zoe was sixteen years old and during these two year she took all her frustration, anger and virulence out on her step mother and sister.

Her mother told her father to deliver her last words to Zoe on her eighteen when she turned mature and adult. And, he wouldn't even say anything except the same statement when he was handing over those letters to her. 

His heart never changed, even though her mother had passed away, his wife and daughter  didn't mean to him nor had he any space for them. Circumstances were as usual, He was careless for them but for his lover and lover's daughter he had a warm corner and so much heed. He cherished Alisha more than her.

People say that a father is the strongest shield of any child, he will protect them with all he owned, Zoe discovered that armor of carefulness for the first time when scrutinized her father's worry towards Alisha. 

He never praised her no matter how well she performanced, he didn't showed any affection for her in his whole life, he behaved with her as if she didn't exist in this world, somehow she convinced herself that her father might have  cold and vapid towards her from outside but from inside he was a warm person who had adored her. However he revealed his true self as soon as he met with his beloved ones.

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