1 I Will Be Unstoppable With Magic!
Well... This is unexpected. Who would've thought this could happen to an asshole like me. Like , no joke, I was an absolute prick when I was alive. I robbed, blackmailed, exchanged sexual favours ( power plays, no matter your gender, you will always want people to bend to you, and what better way than to have them serve you sexually), even murdered people who deserved it.
To make it all better I did most of that stuff through legal means, cause and affect can pretty much get people to kill themselves. I didn't kill anyone, I just fucked their wife, stole their business and duped them out of all their possessions, all while pretending to be their friend. They are the ones who committed suicide or OD'D (although I am the one who got them hooked, don't touch the stuff myself though), while I am a close family friend who 'takes care' of their family after they're gone, before slowly fading away. Of course I use a fake name, and through this method I have tasted all sorts of chicks and amassed an empire of businesses.
I did this for a while, until I didn't need to anymore and started to do serious cutthroat business, though I do still go out once in a while and do it for shits and giggles. There's nothing like hanging out with a 'friend', then going to a restroom to pork his wife, daughters (if their old enough) or sometimes both at the same time if I'm lucky, to just then go back out a chug a beer with the clueless idiot.
Of course I had a wife and some children, after all I had an image I had to project, I even got the hottest piece of ass as my wife. It wasn't love, I'm pretty sure we were both incapable of it. She had to be perfect, just enough of a gold digger to let me get away with all the shit I do, and she had to have enough fear of me so she didn't fuck me over or cheat on me (I viewed her as my possession, no one touches my shit but me). It was perfect, she knew everything I did, hell I even made her join in sometimes though she acted like she was indifferent, I knew she liked dominating those women just as much as me (like I said 'power plays', everyone likes to have power over others, no matter the gender).
This time I had done all this stuff again to a married couple with a 13 year old son. The husband owned a shitty restaurant in a crappy neighbourhood, where the entire city block except his property was owned by me, what can I say? I'm a completionist, it also didn't hurt that he had the most beautiful pure wife, a purity I wanted to corrupt. I introduced him to drugs and we both eventually started to snort cocaine (mine was actually just sugar), everything was going perfectly even though I rushed it cause I wanted to taste his wife. Eventually he died and I spent my evenings plowing his widow.
This continued for a year, usually I would have faded out by now, but the widow was insatiable and I truly corrupted her, I just couldn't get enough. Then, while I was doing her on the living room table, her 14 year old son storms in with a FUCKING SHOTGUN and proceeds to unload into my back, killing both me and his mother. I guess the kid found out I was plowing his mum. Hell, he probably knows about me getting his dad on drugs, I mean I rushed the whole thing so I wasn't very discreet like I usually would have been. Well.. at least I went out the way I always wanted to.... whilst fucking (I also got to finish).
I made sure to have my will done properly, after all I did screw a lot of people, both literally and figuratively. I made sure to leave my wife the house, the possessions and enough money to maintain her current lifestyle for the next twenty years, the rest of her life... well she'll have to work for it on her own. As for my empire, it was to be immediately sold to different people and then that money would be put into a trust for my kids, where it would be equally split. I did put some stipulations into it though, it wouldn't be opened till they were 25, and they would have to have a net worth of at least $250,000 or some other worthwhile accomplishments otherwise they wouldn't get a split. I want my kids to at least make something of themselves, and there's no motivation quite like a mountain of cash. I also set a stipulation that they all had to be alive or the money goes to charity, this will make them look out for each and keep one another healthy otherwise they don't get any money. My plan isn't perfect, but I wish that by giving them this trial they'll love one another and become hard working individuals (I might be an asshole, but I still care for my own).
This is the part where I reflect on my sins and promise that I won't be as bad in my second life and how I regret everything I did.... FUCK NO, the only thing I regret was not being ruthful ENOUGH, I shouldn't have even left them with enough money to buy fucking pants. I promise in my next life that I'll be twice as FUCKING ruthful than I was in my last life!
Then I was suddenly in front of a devilishly beautiful being. I can't remember much about this period of time but I do know they offered me two wishes, which I chose to be reincarnating in the Harry Potter universe (FUCKING MAGIC) and having a more versatile version of "The Great Sage" (one of my kids was an otaku) with all of the information on the universe I was in. I don't remember much but I apparently asked if the being could become female because I might use one of my wishes to tap that, it was honestly (maybe partly) a joke, I just got used to being the one in power and forgot the current circumstances though I don't think they minded because they ignored my comment. I also requested to wake up sometime after my 1st birthday, I should be on formula by that time.
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On privet drive there was a very ordinary house, which recently became the recipient to a very special boy, the boy had a very special scar in the shape of a lightning bolt upon his forehead. Today a different kind of special will be occurring inside the very ordinary home, where a boy will be awakening with a new glint in his eye.
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Awakening , I rubbed the crust from my eyes and then preceded to realise my new situation. It worked, I reincarnated. Wherever I am, it is pretty dark. Proceeding to sit up in my crib I began to look at the mirror that was staring me in the face. It seems my new genetics are quite good, I had dark black hair and emerald green eyes that lit up in the dark, I also seemed to have a peculiar scar upon my forehead.... it seems my luck is unreal and I have been reborn as the protagonist. Nothing shall stand in my way with my new magical powers HAHAHAHA-
"SEE DUDDYKINS IS CRYING JUST FROM SHARING THE SAME CRIB AS THE LITTLE FREAK!"
"DON'T YOU WORRY PET! AS SOON AS I HAVE THAT OLD CRIB OUT THE ATTIC, THE BOY CAN SLEEP IN THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS"
Wait.. What..... Why would there be a mirror in a crib? STUPID FUCKING BABY BRAIN! Maybe this is a alternate universe where there are Potter twins... Yes, that is definitively it!
[Incorrect. You name is Dudley Dursley. Child of Vernon and Petunia Dursley]
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Fuck.....
