| part 25

Namjoon's foot was tapping on the floor.

His arms crossed.

He didn't say a word.

Jungkook carefully sat down next to Taehyung. He soon slid closer because Namjoon made him feel a little uncomfortable.

He was scared. What would their leader say?

"So...", Namjoon finally said after 10 minutes of silence.

"Were you really kissing?"

Taehyung looked at Jungkook and slowly started nodding.

Namjoon put his head in his hands.

He sighed deeply.

"Are you dating?"

"I- we", Taehyung hesitated. Jungkook just sat next to him, trying not to breathe, not to make a single sound. He didn't dare to look Namjoon in the eyes.

"Yes."

"No."

Namjoon looked up with furrowed eyebrows.

Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other.

Taehyung couldn't believe that Jungkook would actually deny.

He knew that he was scared but-

Something stung in his heart as Jungkook said no.

He saw fear in his eyes.

"Jungkook, you can't just date someone else", Namjoon asked confused.

Taehyung inhaled. Someone else?

"I don't want you to betray Lucas. After you told me that your new song is about him, maybe you should break things off with him first before you start seeing someone else."

Jungkook looked up. He looked at Tae. But that wasn't how it was. The song wasn't about Lucas! Shit.

Taehyung was stunned. What just happened?

"We're not- ahem- dating. We're not dating", Taehyung said. The words burned inside his throat.

"But why would you kiss him then?"

Well technically Jungkook kissed him.

"Hyung, it just happened. We had a moment, we kissed, that's it. It won't happen again."

Namjoon nodded.

"Jungkook, how about you just go to bed and let me have a talk with Taehyung."

Jungkook stood up and left, his movements looking careful.

Namjoon sat down next to Tae and put his arm around him.

"Listen Taehyung, I know you haven't had it easy since your grandma had been hospitalized again. But you cannot use that as excuse to treat Jungkook like that."

What did he say?

"He just came out as gay. Now give him some time before you attack him like that. Now I don't know if Lucas and Jungkook are dating but you should have asked him before you just kiss him, especially in public.

Didn't you see how scared he was after all those reporters came up to you two and followed you? Obviously that doesn't only put him in an awkward situation with Lucas, but with you too."

Taehyung held up a finger to interrupt his hyung.

He smiled coldly.

"I understand that you only want what's best for everyone. You're the leader, that is your job. I respect that. But, I didn't attack Jungkook. I never made him do anything. This is not on me."

Namjoon opened his mouth but Taehyung just continued.

"And yes, I saw how frightened he was. But didn't you see, how I wrapped him into my jacket and held him behind me? I felt his fingers on my shoulder, holding onto me tightly because he was scared. I did not push him away, no, I tried to secure him."

"But why did you make him go outside with you? And then without bodyguards? Again?? Do you know what else could have happened to you?! I was worried! And now I'm just angry, because you never listen to me!"

Namjoon's words faded. Taehyung gulped. He should have just said nothing.

But that Jungkook left him here alone.. he thought they were in this together.

And since when were Jungkook and Lucas seeing each other?

Maybe Taehyung should go on distance again.

But it hurt. He didn't want for them to be distant towards each other.

But Jungkook left him here, he left him all alone while all Taehyung could think about was if he was okay, Jungkook left him with even more questions in his head.

"I'm sorry hyung."

"We only left the building, because I was hungry and wanted to go get food. Jungkook didn't want me to go alone."

Taehyung bit his tongue. Would Namjoon able to tell if he was lying?

"I want you to apologize to Jungkook. Oh and if you dare to leave the apartment again without security or if you haven't asked me before or at least told me where you're going, I'll have a serious word with our managers, is that clear?"

Taehyung nodded.

"I'm sorry hyung", he said again.

"Now go on and go to bed."

Taehyung stood up and left without another word.

"And please make sure to apologize to Jungkook now so the both of you can stop thinking about it!"

Taehyung didn't bother to visit Jungkook but straight up walked to his own room. Into his own bed, his own smell, his own blanket.

He wanted to be mad at Jungkook.

For letting him down, for not being beside him to talk to Namjoon together. For not telling him about Lucas. Especially after Jungkook once said that they were just friends.

Clearly he had been lying this whole time.

And he was mad at Namjoon for instantly blaming Taehyung for everything.

He stripped all his clothes off except his underwear and just let himself fall into the pillow. Should he go to Jimin?

He waited a few minutes before he slipped out of his room. He walked down the hall and ended up in front of his door. Should he knock? Normally Jimin would be sleeping right now. But there was light coming from underneath his door.

So he silently opened the door and whispered "Jimin? Can I-"

Jimin sat on his bed with Jungkook in front of him.

That was just great. Of course, Taehyung knew that Jimin and Jungkook were friends too. But he really needed his best friend right now.

And not Jungkook taking that from him.

"I'm gonna go."

"Tae! Tae wait!"

Taehyung was quick enough to get to his room door until Jungkook reached him.

"Tae wait."

He grabbed his wrist and pushed him against the wall next to the door.

"Jungkook, let me go. Don't do this. Namjoon hyung could be anywhere."

Jungkook just quietly shoved the both of them into Taehyungs room.

He limited Taehyung's space to just being between the wall and himself.

"Tae-"

"Don't 'Tae' me."

"Taehyung", Jungkook said.

"Yes?" His eyes were cold and his smile, the maknae had seen earlier that night, was gone.

"I- I panicked, okay? I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry."

"Well actually Namjoon wants me to apologize to you."

"Why?"

"Well since I kissed you while you are seeing Lucas. Also, he basically accused me of putting you into this scary situation with all the reporters. So I thought it would be for the better, if he just thought that it was true. I lied to him, Jungkook. I hate lying."

"Why did you-"

"I lied to him. For you. But you have been lying to me all along. I don't want to see your face right now. So if you could just leave me alone-"

"Tae-"

"It's Hyung!"

Jungkook sighed deeply.

"Hyung. I'm sorry. Lucas is just.."

"A friend? Yeah you've said that."

Jungkook scratched the back of his head.

He'd have to tell him the truth now. Otherwise Taehyung wouldn't give him a chance to talk again.

"I did lie-"

"At least you admit it-"

"But not to you. I lied to Namjoon. About the song."

Taehyung's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"My new song... is not about Lucas. It's about you."

"Why should I believe you now?"

"Because it's true!"

"You've lied to me before. About Jimin."

"That was a year ago! And it's different-"

"Is it? I've trusted you. Twice. And you've lied to me. Twice."

"I didn't! I am not seeing Lucas, it is nothing more than a friendship!"

"Get out. Please. Don't make this harder than it already is."

Jungkook's eyes teared up because of his anger building up.

"Tae."

"Don't."

Taehyung moved his head to the side so he wouldn't look into the younger's face.

"Just go."

"Taehyungssi", Jungkook said and grabbed Taehyung's chin with his finger's to turn his face, "I don't like Lucas. I like you."

Taehyung's eyes widened. "Tell me you're just saying that because you don't want to argue with me."

Jungkook shook his head.

"I like you, Tae- can I call you Tae again?", Jungkook asked carefully.

Taehyung nodded slightly.

His eyes built up some water as well.

"You are putting me into a shit situation here", Taehyung said with a broken voice.

"I'm sorry, I just- I didn't have the guts to tell you before. I wanted to admit it earlier. But I was too scared", Jungkook explained.

"Scared of what? I thought we share everything. I thought you were comfortable with me."

"I am! I just- I didn't know how to say it."

Taehyung stayed silent and pressed his lips together.

Jungkook took a deep breath.

"When I see you, I get so happy. You're so beautiful inside and out, every time that you walk into a room, the room lights up, my heart starts to race and I don't know how to deal with it. You are so good. You're so good to me. I don't deserve you. You stay by my side whenever something happens, you never leave me alone. And I'm so thankful for that. I can't bear the thought of losing you. What if you wouldn't want this? Well, but you can't push me away because we're in a band and it would get hard over time to hide all that tension."

Everything just bursted out of him. He didn't even know what he said anymore.

Taehyung nodded. He felt hurt that Jungkook didn't talk to him about it but he understood how awkward that could've made everything. Even though Taehyung didn't think so.

"What if I told you all of this earlier and you would have pushed me away? And things would have gotten bad? And you wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore? And what if you would have told me that you didn't want to see me no more? What if I would have lost you through.. well.. this? How would I have explained the weird atmosphere between you and me to Namjoon hyung? And to Bang PD? How would the fans feel if they saw us trying to spend least time with each other as possible?", Jungkooks eyes started tearing up again, "I messed everything up."

"What if you'd hate me?"

"Life is too short for what-if's", Taehyung said in a calm voice. Jungkook looked up and straight into the olders eyes.

Seeing him standing so close, smelling his scent and feeling his breath tingle over his lips made caused Jungkook's attention to drive off.

"I would really want to hug you right now. But if you don't want that, please tell me."

"I forgive you. Apparently it was all just a misunderstanding. At least about the song. I don't want to fight with you. But I am still mad because you left me alone with Namjoon hyung."

Jungkook nodded.

Taehyung should have been scared off, Jungkook thought, but instead, he gently ran his hand through the youngers hair. He kissed Jungkook's tears away.

"Now please stop crying", he said warmly.

Jungkook nodded in response.

"And to all of your rejection-fear: I tried giving you clear signs that I like you. But you just ignored them all", he said chuckling and leaned his forehead against Jungkooks, "you fool."

"I'm sorry. I was very- I thought- someone like you- would never you know? I mean- you're you and... and I'm just me."

"That's bullshit", Taehyung said and wrapped his arms around him.

"You're much more than just you."