Walking is healthy

I do apologize profusely for my latest rant, I said things I never should have said. Comparing WN-readers to rats that died due to constant orgasm, while factually correct, was not something I should have done.

Instead, I should have advised my readers to skip to chapter 10000 and read all about the wonderful city. Because having patience was apparently as rare as proper spelling.

But people do not be afraid; gone are the days where I talk about green grass, dicks or rant uselessly about strange topics.

Now was the time, when I talked about topics, which were totally irrelevant to the point that I might as well say nothing at all.

The sun was shining. The weather was really good. The sky was blue. The clouds were white. My feet were feet.

Was this not much better than having to read about me ranting? Let us continue this very awesome form of telling a story

Of course, I shall never mention that I was still making my way to the city.

Who cared about information that involved dirty acts such as moving your feet?

We were here for the real excitement… I took a breath and then I took another one. Against all odds, it was a miracle, there was another breath.

Ladies and Gentlemen… you just witnessed me taking a breath. We were here for this historical moment when I had taken a breath. It was not 1 breath, not 2 but three entire breaths.

I bet nobody would have even considered the main character to take 3 entire breaths in a story. Such a level of detail had never been done before.

What would our dear Hero do next? Adrenaline was flooding my veins as I was trying to do the impossible. Taking a breath was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. And yet, in our darkest of hours another miracle occurred… I took another breath.

Praised be the Gods that helped me do this sort of impossible task.

Beads of sweat formed over my body due to the immense burden it had to bear. The price of breathing was a heavy one.

I lost my family, my pride, my children, my will to live, half of my organs, and my financial stability… but I managed to breathe once more.

Tears began to fall off my face, I was trying my hardest to keep on living. It was just so hard; breathing had taken everything from me.

Breathing was a vile spawn from hell, crept directly from its deepest pit, to torment each and every one.

I felt it, the next one was coming. Like a wet fart, it could never be trusted. Yet, the devil was tempting the mortal to open their mouth and draw in the poisonous air.

Nobody knew what more it would take, what more it would rob from the living. Our Hero had no other choice, bearing all risks he took another one.

Time stood still, the moment of truth had arrived. The end of all things had shown its ugly fangs to the world. Here it was to claim what it was due, to rob me of even more.

This breath took the world, all of humanity, the entire galaxy system and the multiverse from our main character.

Billions paid the ultimate price, so that I, the protagonist, could live.

Yet, despite all of this sacrifice, another breath would soon arrive; they still were not happy with what they had taken from me. I begged it to stop, cried bitterly…and still, it came.

Gone was everything that once was, had been or ever would be. It erased everything from existence. It was a merciless killer… no traces of anything were left.

Only one person and some cursed green thing that we do not acknowledge remained. It was me, the one who doomed everything with his desire to take a breath.

I was a monster, how could I selfishly use my mouth and breathe? Yet, the damage was done, regardless of how much I wished things would go back to the time before I had taken these breaths, it would never come true.

Everything was ruined and I was to blame. The last breath would claim my everything. All had started with me and it would end with me.

My eyes were tired of seeing all this loss. As I huffed in the last wave of air, I noticed something very particular. Maybe there was a way to save everyone.

With the greatest of courage I could muster, I began to breathe out. Surprise, surprise, everyone appeared again.

The world was saved, thanks to breathing out. Hurray.

Now, with every breath I took, I gave one back to bring balance to this universe. I breathed life and I sucked in death in its purest form.

This was the burden I had to bear, as the breather of this reality.

…..

Was this not much more fun to read about? Dare I say it took away your breath? This form of entertainment was much more desirable than a petty rant about real content.

There was nothing more that I had to offer. The state of affairs did not allow for more than this. It was understandable after all, trying to make a point was quite the useless thing to do.

You see, one had to have a point to make one… and I was not sure whether I truly had one at this point.

I knew, that a lot of readers were dumb as hell in my eyes… but to others, I might be even dumber. Who was right and who was wrong?

Or was everyone equally stupid? Truth be told, it was more than obvious that I was far superior to everyone on this whole planet… but did that truly matter?

The tits-loving MgGees in their infinite wisdom never saw things as truth or lies, there was no black and white in their world.

For them, all that mattered were the very simple things in life. Quite the enviable thing to have.

As they say, ignorance truly was bliss.

I need not make a point when their lives were pointless. I wanted to pat myself on the back for the clever wordplay and so I did. There might not be an audience to enjoy it, as long as I still had myself.

And the character named Author, whose body I possessed was very sad about that thing. In fact, it was so sad, like so so sad, that there was not even a punchline to this bit.

See, I could write an entire chapter about random stuff with no relevance to the story whatsoever.

Certainly, the few readers of mine must have enjoyed the chapter because they did not have to read about all the other things that were mentioned in the last chapter.

Plot progression was the most important in life. That is why this chapter was written.

Please, enjoy the walking content to your fullest.