141 Regrets
The door opened with a squeak and Gabriel entered the bedroom with Misha. His arm was wrapped around the teenager's waist to support him, most of Misha's weight resting on his forearm. It had turned his arm numb, but Gabriel pretended not to notice and dragged Misha further inside. Then, he thought of something and glanced over his shoulder.
Behind him stood Masha and Yuki. Before he could ask if they wanted to go in, the two shook their heads and bid them goodbye. It was already getting late, and Gabriel and Misha needed a bit of private time to sort out their feelings. Thus, they decided to return home, telling them they would come back the next day.
Gabriel stared at the closed door for a second, then brought the teenager to the bed. Misha was swaying on his feet, and it was better for him to lie before his legs gave in.
"How do you feel?" Gabriel asked after tucking in the teenager, his voice soft and low.
"Honestly? Like shit," Misha answered with a self-mocking laugh, pulling the blanket over his shoulders. "My body hurts like a bitch, and my heart… Well, it stings so much that I feel like digging it out and tossing it away. Does it answer your stupid question?"
"Yes, it does. Very well, too."
"Glad to hear that."
The teenager pursed his lips, anger making his voice tremble. Not lashing out at Gabriel was hard, and he had to breathe in and out a few times to calm down. He had many reasons to be mad, and quite frankly, he didn't know which one took the cake.
Although Misha had noticed something was off about Jake, he'd never have guessed that he had memories of his past lives. It wasn't something he'd think of, not even in his wildest dream. And, of course, Jake just had to be like his brother and hide his emotions behind a mask, trying to solve everything on his own. Even if the whole world were to hate his guts and wish him dead, he wouldn't say shit. Gabriel had discovered this, yet he planned to carry the secret to his grave instead of telling Misha, just so others wouldn't get hurt.
Yeah, that probably was what was pissing off Misha the most. If he hadn't woken up and eavesdropped on them… Better not think about it, or he'd grow even madder.
"Gaby," Misha finally exhaled, rolling over on his side to look into Gabriel's emerald eyes, "I want you to answer me honestly, and if you dare lie to me again, I swear I'll beat you half to death."
"I—"
"Shut up! Let me talk. What exactly are you trying to hide from me? I don't think it's only the timelines that weren't reset to zero. There's something more, and it concerns Jake."
The words took Gabriel aback. Misha pinpointed the one thing he didn't want him to figure out, so easily at that. Who said he was dense? He was uselessly perceptive when it came to him.
Gabriel sat on the bed with a sigh, lowering his head to look at the teenager's puffy eyes. It seemed like he wouldn't be able to avoid the conversation, whether he liked it or not. At any rate, Misha would find out sooner or later now that he knew about Jake's past lives, so he might as well be the one to tell him.
"I wonder when you got so good at reading me. It's almost scary."
"Oh, come on, don't act all surprised now. You know I didn't have much choice but to learn how to. Otherwise, I wouldn't know when you're lying to me."
"Touché," Gabriel admitted with a light chuckle before running his hand in Misha's hair, gently and slowly. "Are you sure you want to know? Sometimes, ignorance is bliss."
"Who cares?! I have enough of not knowing! Will you stop delaying and tell me already? It's getting annoying."
"Alright. So, where should I start? Hm, yeah, let's begin with this. It may surprise you, but Jake had a family in both past lives. He had a lovely wife, children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. From what I read, he was quite fond of them. Actually, it'd be more accurate to say that he was completely gaga over his family."
Gabriel smiled faintly, remembering a few passages he had read. Even he could feel all the love his brother had for his family. It was pretty much overflowing.
"In both lives, he married the same woman. Even though there were some changes in the second timeline, he still fell in love with her when they met. Afterward, they never left each other and grew old together, just like they did in their first life. There's a lot of grim in the diaries, but whenever it's about his wife, his writing seems to brighten up. Anyway, all that to say that he was truly in love with her."
Misha nodded, letting the words sink, then waited for the follow-up. He knew it wasn't all. Although it was sad that Jake remembered his lost family, he lived a lifetime with them. On that point, he was quite lucky. So, there had to be something else, something far less joyful. And as expected, Gabriel soon continued:
"However, Jake can't ever marry the woman he loves in this life."
"Why?"
"Because she's dead. She has been for a few years already. Do you remember the shooting?"
"How could I not? I still have nightmares about it. Wait, no…"
"Yes, she was a casualty," Gabriel sighed. "She was a classmate of Eric's daughter."
Until Gabriel read the diaries, he had no regrets traveling back in time, much less saving Mrs. Brown. Even as teenagers died at the hand of the drunk driver, he still felt nothing. But now, it was different. Among them, there had been Elizabeth, the love of his brother's life.
"Say no more," Misha choked, hiding his face in his hands. "Just, don't say anything for a while. Please."
When talking about the shooting, Misha could not help but remember the broadcast about the incident. He had felt so relieved after listening to the reporter explain how and why the shooting occurred. Back then, he had thought that the main bullies deserved a fate worse than death and that the other students who stood by weren't all that innocent. These thoughts had crossed his mind to help him cope with the guilt, to lessen the pain. But now, he felt so disgusted with himself that he wanted to throw up.
Most teenagers wouldn't intervene when others were being bullied, and no one would think they had to die to atone. Lacking courage wasn't a crime, especially at that age. Yet, at the time, Misha thought it was alright for these teenagers to be shot because of their inaction. He felt that they had to face the consequences of not standing up for their classmate, for they didn't dare to speak. So, even if some had died because of his choices, it was alright. He wasn't at fault; they were.
It had been a sloppy reasoning, and now, it came around smacking him in the face.
"It's not your fault," Gabriel said, pulling the teenager in his arms. "I'm the one who traveled back in time, not you. It is I who—"
"And here you go with your bad habit! Don't try to take on all the blame. Just don't. I asked you to save my mother, so stop saying it's not my fault."
With a sigh that sounded like a sob, Misha buried his head in the crook of Gabriel's neck. He then yanked him down on the mattress, nestling against his chest. Really, everything was a mess, and he just wanted to rest, not think about anything. The kidnapping, the timelines that weren't reset, the reality check about Jake, the shooting… Yeah, it was a little too much to handle. He felt like he was about to break.
"Well, I guess I can understand why you didn't want me to find out now. And I bet that's just the tip of the iceberg."
"For the rest," Gabriel sighed, stroking Misha's back, "it's better if Jake tells you himself. However, there are things he doesn't want others to know, and I hope you'll understand."
"Oh, don't worry, I won't go around digging out his secrets. Unlike a certain someone."
"…"
"Sometimes I wonder," Misha started in a whisper, "what would have happened if I didn't go back in the past. When I look at the result, I think that maybe I should never have. Why couldn't I just talk it out with you in my first life? Even if I were decades late, it'd have been better than nothing."
To this, Gabriel had nothing to say, so he said nothing. Instead, he hugged the teenager. Even though he had grown up to be quite big these past few years, at the moment, it felt like he could break him if he used just a bit too much strength.
"Try to sleep. You're exhausted."
"Yeah, I guess I am. Stay with me this time. I don't want to open my eyes to an empty bed."
"I won't leave, I promise," Gabriel smiled before kissing his forehead. "Rest now. You need it."
"Hm, you too," Misha closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around the man's waist. "Don't pretend to be fine, I know you're just as tired."
"Oh my, I really can't hide anything from you, can I?"
Misha did not answer, his mind already falling prey to sleep. Vaguely, he thought that it would be good if that were true. However, deep down, he knew Gabriel still hid many things from him, things he probably wasn't ready to face. Later. They could talk about it later. But, for now, just let him rest.
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Edited by Clozed!
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