1 Chapter 1

“But we’ve paid for it.”

“Jesus H.Christ.”Andy fumed.He knew it had been a mistake to go out with them.But their continual griping that he was becoming a hermit had weakened his defences.However,he had never suspected anything like this.Andy looked around the crowded room.What had Tom called it?A pre-club bar?The place was packed with people shouting,or at the very least talking loudly to be heard above the high degree of background noise.Andy felt closed in,trapped.Nowthey’d sprung another surprise on him.They had paid for him to be kissed by some kid,a porn star no less.

“It’s part of our present to you,”Paddy said.

Andy remained unmoved and unimpressed.

“The proceeds go to charity.”Paddy seemed to hesitate at Andy’s continued silence.Handinghim the ticket,he babbled,“You’re not chicken,are you?”

Andy glared at him.If there was one thing he wasn’t,it was a coward.He was about to open his mouth to remonstrate with his friend when Paddy put a hand on his arm.

“Sorry,mate.I didn’t mean that.”He leaned forward and kissed Andy’s cheek.“Honest,I didn’t.We just wanted you to have a good time…enjoy yourself.Let your hair down…I’m sorry.”

Andy still didn’t say anything;though he had lost his anger.His friends,his only friends,were good people.They genuinely cared about him.

Tom,Paddy’s boyfriend,stood and approached.His five feet even height meant he was only a little taller than the seated six foot five Andy.

Hugging Andy around the neck,Tom said into his ear.“We really are sorry.It seemed a good idea at the time.”He,too,kissed Andy’s cheek.“We love you and just wanted you to be happy.”

Andy couldn’t stand it any longer.“The next time you two get any more bright ideas?”He looked at them,Paddy sat next to him,biting his lip,Tom still holding him round the neck,“Keep‘em to yourself,okay?”

His friends smiled and nodded.

Standing,Andy began to make his way to the raised platform at the other end of the bar.The place was so crowded he was occasionally forced to squeeze between people.Once,his backside was pinched.He whirled round ready to deck whoever had done it,but no one met his eye.

Finally reaching the stage,Andy queued to receive his kiss from whoever the young looking bloke was.As he waited,Andy tried to wipe the scowl off his face.It wasn’t—he looked at theticket,Luke Wales’,fault.And given the injuries to Andy’s face,he didn’t want to gross the poor kid out any more than he had to.

Finally it was his turn.Oh,God,this is a bad idea,he thought,shuffling forward.It seemed as though every eye in the place was on him.

“Oh,my,you’re a tall one.”Luke’s voice was clear,fairly high-pitched but not girly.

Andy could never understand femme acting gay men.

“Uh,yeah,”was all Andy could think of to say as he handed over the slip of paper.The platinum blond took it,looked at it briefly before tearing it in half and handing the pieces back.

Andy had to lean down to be kissed.Luke didn’t hesitate or flinch at the sight of Andy’s disfigured right cheek.The kid’s lips were soft,moist but quite firm against Andy’s own lips.There was even a brief touch of tongue that made Andy’s dick go rock hard.

Luke withdrew,licked his lips and gave Andy a cheeky smile.“Nice.”

Andy knew his cheeks were flushed.In fact all of him felt overly warm.Straightening up,Andy murmured something that he hoped passed for a thank you and left the stage,grateful that the whole embarrassing thing was over.

Instead of going back to his seat,he spied an exit and made his escape.

Outside,Andy let go the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.Ever since the ambush,he’d avoided crowds,and excess noise.When Tom had first proposed a trip to Manchester’s gaydistrict as a birthday present,Andy had objected.Tom,aware of his friend’s apprehension,had reassured him that they’d take him to a bar and not a noisy nightclub.The clincher had been the mention of the canal close-by.Andy knew if things got too much for him he’d be able to stand by the water and regain his composure.The almost freezing November night meant very few people were on the canal side.A fact that suited him perfectly.

Leaning against a railing,he took in another calming breath.He’d tried,God knows he’d tried,to reintegrate himself back into society.His psychiatrist understood,but kept pressuring him to meet people and not hide himself away on his farm.

He didn’t used to be like this.Hell,before his stint in Afghanistan,he’d have been first in the queue to kiss that kid.Then he’d have dragged Tom and Paddy off to the clubs.

Andy patted the pockets of his camouflage jacket,but didn’t find what he was looking for.“Shit!”He needed a fag.But he’d given up smoking‘cause Phil had said they could kill him.

Andy let out a bark of mirthless laughter.

Phil,who had lived in the house opposite Andy,had adored him from an early age.Their eight-year age difference didn’t seem to matter.Andy feared when he announced his intention to join up after finishing secondary school,Phil would be devastated.

He was,but the teary-eyed ten year-old pledged the night before Andy left for his basic training,that he too would join up the minute he was old enough.

Andy hadn’t taken the promise seriously.However,on every leave he spent at home,Phil quizzed him on all aspects of army life.And despite Andy’s best efforts to put him off—telling him of the pressures of maintaining a high level of physical fitness,the endless marching and parade drills,the smell and sight of battlefield injuries and having to treat them—nothing would deter him.Finally,in desperation,Andy told Phil that he was gay and wasn’t the sort of role model Phil should lookup to.

Phil laughed.“I’ve known you were gay for years.What do you think I am,blind?I’ve lost count of how many girls have virtually thrown themselves at you and it was like you didn’t notice.Say,next time one flutters her eyelashes at you,can you point her in my direction?”

So,at the minimum entry age of sixteen,after sitting his GCSEs and with his parents’consent,Phil joined up.During his CMSR(Common military syllabus(recruits))training,Andy pulled some strings,called in favours and generally brown-nosed in all the right places to getPhil attached to his unit once the lad passed out.

“Jesus.If only I’d have said no.”Andy picked up a small stone from the cobbles and hurled it into the canal.He felt a little better.

Phil passed his basic and took to army life like a duck to water.Though he tried not to show it,Andy couldn’t have been more proud of his honorary little brother.

Then came Afghanistan.