1 I'm...alive?

Seth woke up and realised an important fact

He is alive..... Now hear me out ok? Normally this would be unsurprising to say the least but this was different! He did suicide like yesterday or something, he shouldn't be alive!...ok I know u won't squeal in shock or anything but I'd appreciate it if u at least acted surprised. You know, appreciate me for my genius writing? Anyway, moving onto the actual story.

"...I'm alive...wait no, my reaction should probably be more dramatic, like... I'M ALIVEEE???? Yea that works, now I should uh dispute it right, ok, uh...Nonono, this isn't how I envisioned the afterlife, I was gonna sleep for all of eternity, never having to wake up and deal with idiots, I mean, that really is how I envision afterlife.

But...if this is afterlife, I shouldn't be awake...or maybe I'm in hell? nahhhhhhh there's no reason I should go to hell, I mean I did kill those 3 guys but god would surely overlook something so minor. I mean I did send them to heaven despite their sins, since anyone murdered goes to heaven, I murdered them and sent them to heaven, I've done a good deed so god won't send me to hell

he looks around to see another person lying next to him, ah yes, he should know things, he's in the exact same situation I'm in and even if I don't know things I should assume he does, "Hey, you!"

"huh? me?"

"do u see any other visible living organisms in the immediate vicinity?" asked Seth, calmly

He looks around "Ah um-" he looks around before turning back and saying "no, there's noone else here"

"ok I need u to do some things for me"

"what? but why-"

"u don't really have a say in it, but before that, I'm calling u Sven cause I don't think I will like Ur original name, it's a reference to a certain virtual dog, be greatful I gave u such a nice name"

Sven frowned and said "but I don't want a dog's na-" but he was interrupted.

"I wasn't finished Sven, Now, where exactly am I?"

"uh your in the lab" replied Sven, still confused by the events

"ohhhhh the lab, yes yes...now Sven, why don't u tell me what possible information that can give me? Don't answer, it's retorical, it gives me no information Sven, in fact it's information anyone could gain, simply by looking around them, I'm obviously in a lab, Sven, I need u to tell me which lab, where it's located, what I'm doing here, etc. *sigh* people like u are why I didn't want to wake up in the afterlife" Seth spoke with exasperation clear in his tone.

"Ah, you're right boss! I'm sorry, Ur in the zombie lab" Sven replied

"boss? nvm, more importantly, zombie lab...hmmm...ok, I suppose since u didn't include more information in your statement, u don't know much else about the lab or why I'm here, in that case, I have one more job for u, u see that scalpel next to u? Pass it to me." There was a scalpel lying on the floor definitely for good reason and not just because the author wanted to move the plot along.

"this one? Sure, here u go"

Sven passes the scalpel over, Seth takes the scalpel and jams it into his oesophagus, Sven blinked multiple times and rubbed his eyes before screaming "WTFF, U STABBED YOURSELF IN THE THROAT, BOSS ARE U OK?!"

"sure enough" said Seth, very okayly "I am now covered in invincible plot armour, *sigh*" even after stabbing his oesophagus, nothing happened, even blood didn't flow. "in case u didn't understand(idiots) I'm a zombie...why else would I be in a 'zombie lab'"

Sven, now having calmed down asked curiously "um boss, who are u talking to?"

"a lesser organism(such as a Sven) wouldn't really understand." replied Seth

"also why doesn't blood flow, huh? I liked blood, it was one of the only beautiful things about humanity, maybe I can ask the scientists to implant blood in me or something" Seth said to no one in particular.

{cut to Seth inside a glass door with a medical bed on his side}

"hey so uh scientist guys-" Seth was cut off by a woman wearing glasses "guys?"

"sorry, I meant scientist guys and/or gals-" Seth was interrupted again, this time by a male scientist "ew who says gals anymore"

"girls doesn't sound right man, it's girls and boys not girls and guys, it just doesn't sound right" replied Seth

"so anyway, when are u guys and/or girls planning on unleashing the zombie plague on mankind?"

"not too sure, maybe in about 2 months, depends on how tests go. And u were right, gals sounds better than girl- WAIT HOW'D U KNOW WE WERE PLANNING THAT?!" The scientist who answered was quite flustered and his glasses tilted in a funny way

"come on, really? it's like every zombie movie or TV show ever, although it usually happens unintentionally" replied Seth casually

"WE AREN'T THE FIRST TO COME UP WITH ZOMBIES?!" The scientist looked deflated

"have u all never heard of the walking dead or anything like that?" asked Seth, curious as to which rock these scientists grew up under.

"huh? What's that? I've watched hundreds of TV shows and movies and I've never heard of the walking dead, is it some obscure corner store show?" asked another guy who was on a laptop

Seth pondered for a period of time before asking 2 important questions "hey, what year is it? Also who is the US president?"

The answers he received shocked him

"huh? whay are asking such things? it's the 25th year of the 7th moon, 2nd millenia after darkness and what is the US? I can Google it for you if you'd like"

Seth: "....hmm ok... I've transmigrated to a world where things are different yet Google, overanalysis of sentences for sexism, language, physical laws, the majority of chemistry, technology, the human race and the idea of zombies stay the same..."

"this feels like lazy writing, couldn't the author come up with a different search engine instead of Google, I mean come on, it's not that hard to make up a word" Seth was talking to himself, totally not to an audience or something, it would be absurd if he knew he was in a book

"there he goes explaining weird things to no one in particular, totally not an audience or something again, should we go have lunch?" apparently Seth talking to himself became the norm at this point.

"doesn't he need food?" asked the female scientist.

"oh right, we conveniently didn't tell u this until now even though it's been a few days since we started talking to Seth but he's a zombie so he synthesises energy on his own, we don't know how and we won't look any further into it even though we could probably solve the world's energy crisis if we did" replied the laptop guy.

"oh I see, that makes sense" said the female scientist, no longer asking questions about it.

Seth talked to himself more "...I'll be damed if this isn't a story made by some idio- I mean genius author...wait wasn't I about to say idiot?...that's weird, I probably shouldn't look too much into it...wait why not? AUTHOR UR DOING THIS AREN'T U!"

and Sven was in the background playing with a ball, similar to a dog