14 Chapter Eleven

I've been crying for almost three effin hours. Masiyado akong nadala sa pinakikinggan kong love story sa radio. Sinabihan ako ni Joan na maganda nga daw makinig ng mga ganito. Ito rin daw halos ang ginagawa niyang libangan kapag walang trabaho. And since wala namang trabaho ngayon kasi weekend, I decided na makinig ng mga love stories.

And maybe it was bad timing, kasi ang una kong napakinggan ay about sa mag bestfriends. They were bestfriends since they were kids, pero it took a decade for them to realize what they really feel for each other.

Then it didn't worked out just like other relationships. Hindi din sila nagtagal, kasi the moment na pumuntang ibang bansa yung babae to pursue her dreams, nakakilala si boy ng other girl. He fell in love with her and forget the first girl he met.

As soon as the girl went back to the Philippines, wedding day na iyon nung lalaking mahal niyaㅡher bestfriend.

"I'm sorry for choosing our friendship over anything else. Kasi alam kong mas magtatagal tayo doon..."

That line left a shot in my chest. Ramdam ko 'yung sakit sa linyang binitawan ng lalaki. Mahal nila 'yung isa't isa pero mas pinili ng isa yung pagkakaibigan nila kasi alam niyang doon sila magtatagal.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko nang bahagyang kumirot 'yun. Bigla kong naisip si Dion.

Paano kung...

No.

Mali 'tong iniisip ko. Na kay Joan na siya. I shouldn't be thinking about him now.

Inayos ko na 'yung sarili ko then I took a quick shower. I was planning to go to mall now. Gusto ko namang i-treat 'yung sarili ko. Date myself, watch movie alone, go to arcade then enjoy myself there.

This past few weeks, I've looked like a mess. Masiyado na ako halos nilamon ng mga kung ano-anong naiisip ko. This time, ako naman. Sarili ko naman.

Sometimes, we just have to make ourselves happy. Kaya naman nating maging masaya, kahit walang tulong ng iba.

ㅡ

Twelve thirty in the afternoon when I arrived at mall. Natagalan ako sa pamimili ng susuotin halos lahat kasi ng damit na panlakad ko ay nasa laundry. Tsaka hindi naman ako nagsusuot ng dress. Well, minsan lang. Kapag may family gathering, minan pilitan pa. I prefer blouses, shirts and pants. Mas komportable naman kasi ako doon.

Since hindi pa ako nagla-lunch. I decided to eat in food court. Madami kasing pila sa fast food chains, saglit lang naman ako kakain. Anytime by now, magsisimula na 'yung movie na gusto ko.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagkain nang mag-vibrate ang phone ko. I received a message from Dion.

Dion

Where are you?

I ignored his message and continue eating. After a second, he texted me again.

Can we talk?

Bakit hindi si Joan ang kausapin mo? Bakit kung kelan nagqua-quality time ako with myself bigla niyo 'kong kakailanganin?

Again, I ignored his message.

I need you, I badly need you.

Napatigil ako sa pagkain at napako ang tingin ko sa huling message niya. He needs me? Why? Wala ba si Joan?

Hindi ba si Joan ang dapat niyang hinahanap? Bakit ako?

When I needed someone, a friend. Wala sila. Walang dumamay sa 'kin. And now, that he needs me, bakit parang ang dali lang sa kaniya na pasunurin ako? What was he thinking? That I'll come around just to see him?

Just for this once, I want to be alone. Far from the pain.

ㅡ

Nang matapos ang pinapanood kong movie ay bumili muna ako ng mga pagkain sa hypermarket. Nag-arcade na rin ako saglit. Wala naman akong ibang alam doon kundi claw machine, tapos wala pa 'kong makuha kuha. May stitch pa naman doon!

Gano'n ba talaga? Hindi lahat ng gusto mo, makukuha mo?

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagdadrama ng tumunog ang phone ko. And this time, it was Klein Fajardo. Dion's friend.

"What?"

"Nasaan ka?" He asked me. Seriously? Magkasama ba sila ni Dion?

"Puso mo." I replied.

I heard him cussed. "You need to be here. Sinugod si Dion sa hospitalㅡ"

I was meddling with my thoughts, kung maniniwala ba ako o hindi. Baka mamaya paandar lang nila 'yon para puntahan ko 'yung kaibigan nila. Hindi ba nila alam na si Joan na dapat ang kinakausap nila?

"Nasaksak si Dion.."

"Fvck you." Ibababa ko na sana ang tawag nang makatanggap ako ng picture message kay Klein. There was him, sitting beside Dion, who's now laying down the hospital bed, blood was written on his shirt.

I ended the call the moment malaman ko kung saang hospital sinugod si Dion. I felt guilty, he literally needed me, buhay niya nakataya doon. But still, wala akong ginawa. I didn't give a damn about him. And I know, that was so stupid of me.

Somehow, he's still Dion Mendoza. My childhood bestfriend. The guy who I really love the most.

ㅡ

Agad akong nagtungo sa ER nang makarating ako sa Sta. Lucia Medical Hospital. Parang napiga ang puso ko sa nakita ko. Halos maging ombre na ng white and red yung damit ni Dion. Ang daming dugo..

"Keila, buti nandito ka na.." Klein stood up nang makita niya ako. He offered a seat. Tulala lang akong nakatingin kay Dion. His eyes were closed.

I don't know how to react on this. Unti-unting napupunit yung puso ko. Is this the reason kung bakit niya ako kinailangan? Dahil nasa panganib 'yung buhay niya? Ito ba 'yun?

Gosh! If only I knew.

"This was all my fault.." I said and began crying. I was really hurt, I feel so worthless, I feel so useless. Kasalanan ko.

I felt Klein's hand on my back. "Wala kang kasalanan. He just saved someone's life, even if that means risking his own life."

"Ano'ng nangyari?"

Klein sighed. "He tried to call me, but I was nowhere to be found. Naka off 'yung phone ko. Nabalitaan ko lang from Tita na sinugod si Dion dito." Sa lahat kasi ng mga kaibigan ni Dion, si Klein lang ang meron ng number niya.

"I'm asking you what happened."

He looked down and shake his head. "I don't really know. Siya nalang ang tanungin mo 'pag gising niya."

Tears kept on flowing down. I wanna slap my face, I wanna hurt myself. This is all my fault. Kung pinuntahan ko sana siya baka hindi nangyari 'to.

"Hindi pa ba siya gumigising?" I asked him.

"Hindi pa. Sabi ng tita ko, magigising din naman siya. Hindi naman ganon kalalim 'yung pagkakasaksak."

"But still, he's hurt!" I almost shouted.

Nag-usap lang kami ni Klein about some random things. Nasabi ko din sa kanila na si Joan at Dion. Pero tumawa lang siya at binatukan ako.

He kept on laughing. Tapos titigil. Then, titingin sa 'kin tapos tatawa ulit. May nakakatawa ba sa sinabi ko?!

Tahimik lang ako nang magpaalam na si Klein. Kailangan niya pa daw sunduin 'yung kapatid niya sa school na pinagta-trabaho-an nito. Sinabi ko naman na babantayan ko muna si Dion hanggang sa magising ito.

Maybe I could ask him what happened.

Umupo ako sa tabi ng kama ni Dion at dinukdok 'yung ulo ko. Hinayaan kong tumulo ng tumulo yung luha ko hanggang sa wala na 'kong mailabas.

I kept on blaming myself for what have happened to Dion.

Napa-angat ang ulo ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Joan. Humihingal siya at pawis na pawis. Marahil ay nagmadali siyang pumunta dito.

"Hey," I approached her.

"What happened?" She asked me. I just shrugged.

May dala siyang fruits, ibinaba niya iyon sa side table. Lumapit siya sa kama ni Dion, then she leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Dion's forehead.

And I guess that was my cue. Wala na 'kong gagawin dito, besides nandito naman na si Joan.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Joan na mauuna na. Hindi naman na siya nagtanong kung bakit, instead she told me to take care. I nodded as I stare at Dion.

Sabi ko nga, nilulugar ko lang 'yung sarili ko sa kung saan ako nararapat. And I know, hindi sa tabi niya ang lugar ko.