Stupid.1

Once upon a time there was a forgetful boy called Harry Olsson. He was on the way to see his Married Gemma Wu, when he decided to take a short cut through Snotchester Forest.

It wasn't long before Harry got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Spike, but Spike was nowhere to be found! Harry began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Spike. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a curel Maggot god dressed in a blue jacket disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Harry.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed Maggot god. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Harry reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from runner beans, a house made from crisps, a house made from chips, a house made from fruit gums, a house made from sweets and a house made from pizzas.

Harry could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Harry looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Harry a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Spike!

"Spike!" shouted Harry. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Spike back!" cried Harry.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Spike out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, five curel Maggot gods rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Harry recognised the one in the blue jacket that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Maggot God," said the witch.

"Good morning." The Maggot god noticed Spike. "Who is this?"

"That's Spike," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Spike would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the Maggot god.

The witch shook her head. "Spike is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Harry interrupted. "Spike lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Maggot God ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Maggot God looked at the house made from pizzas and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from pizzas if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next Maggot god. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Spike."

Harry watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Spike to Big Maggot God. He didn't think Spike would like living with a curel Maggot god, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other four Maggot gods watched while Big Maggot God put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Maggot God. "Just you watch!"

Big Maggot God pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from crisps. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Maggot God started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of crisps, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Maggot God.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Maggot God never finished eating the front door made from crisps and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Maggot God stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Maggot God. "Just you watch!"

Average Maggot God pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Maggot God started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a Maggot god!" said Average Maggot God.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Maggot God, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the Maggot god away under his arm.

Average Maggot God never finished eating the front door made from chips and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Maggot God stepped up, and approached the house made from fruit gums.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Maggot God. "Just you watch!"

Little Maggot God pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from fruit gums. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Maggot God started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating fruit gums for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Maggot God into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Maggot God. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Maggot God was never seen again.

Little Maggot God never finished eating the front door made from fruit gums and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Tiny Maggot God stepped up, and approached the house made from sweets.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Maggot God. "Just you watch!"

Tiny Maggot God pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from sweets. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Maggot God's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of sweets, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.

"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Maggot God, and stomped off into the forest.

Tiny Maggot God never finished eating the front door made from sweets and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Even-Tinier Maggot God stepped up, and approached the house made from pizzas.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Even-Tinier Maggot God. "Just you watch!"

Even-Tinier Maggot God pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from pizzas. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Suddenly, Even-Tinier Maggot God stopped eating and started dancing. While he danced, he sang at the top of his lungs, "Pizzas! Watch me eat all the pizzas!"

"It looks as though the pizzas are making you hyperactive," laughed the witch.

"Oh no they're not!" cried Even-Tinier Maggot God. "I'm always this excited." With that, he walked into a tree.

Bong!

Even-Tinier Maggot God banged his head and fell backwards onto his bottom. He passed out, exhausted.

Even-Tinier Maggot God never finished eating the front door made from pizzas and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Spike."

"Not so fast," said Harry. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from runner beans. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the Maggot gods. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Harry.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Spike back."

Harry ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from runner beans and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Harry sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Harry. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Harry's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from runner beans. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Harry was down to the final piece of the door made from runner beans. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Harry had eaten the entire front door of the house made from runner beans.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Spike or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Harry hurried over and grabbed Spike, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Spike was unharmed.

Harry thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Gemma. It was starting to get dark.

When Harry got to Gemma's house, his Married threw her arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Gemma. "You are very late."

As Harry described his day, he could tell that Gemma didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Gemma.

Harry unwrapped a doorknob made from crisps. "Pudding!" he said.

Gemma almost fell off her chair.

The End