1 Seven Years Ago

I first fell in love seven years ago. It was my first love and my first heart break. But let me tell you it's not his fault, it was mine. We we're just starting to date and I knew I've fallen so deep and I don't want to admit that I've loved the person whom I thought I will never like.

I'm always a prideful person, so, even if I know my true feelings, I am unwilling to admit it. There are so many times, when I had the chance to admit my feelings for him but I always make him feel like I'll never love him the same way that he loves me and that lead him into realization that the "us" that he was imagining will never happen so one day, he gave up and before he can say anything about breaking up with me, but I spoke first not wanting to hear what he's about to say, and I told him that I'm not for him and it's not possible for the both of us to continue this relationship and I ended it there, just like that.

Not even considering how he's feeling that time but I chose to say those and not actually meaning it.

After that incident, I felt a very strange feeling, It's the first time I felt that pain I cannot comprehend, pain not coming from any physical wound but pain in the heart.

When I left him standing where he hugged me for the last time, I feel like I'm being suffocated, and I felt so sad and I felt that my world is falling apart, I felt so helpless but I was still so stubborn and left.

Apart from him, I've never had the chance to like anyone else, I'm always keeping my door closed to other people, maybe because I'm trapped with those memories. Those simply precious yet painful memories.

But now, its all in the past and it's been seven years since we parted. But I can still vividly remember his gentleness, his smile, his protective attitude when it comes to me. And I missed it , i really really missed it very much.

Today.

He is now in a very harmonious relationship with his current girlfriend. They seem so happy and such a great pair then I imagine what if it's me he's hugging, kissing and the one that he makes his world. What if I was not stubborn and just trusted my true feeling s back then. What if... what if... its us.. what if.. we can go back in time and repeat that certain part of my life and set things... right? Will he be smiling at me the way he smiles on that girl? Will be he that happy with me? What if there's a second chance for us?

Its been seven years but the feeling of being loved by him still remain so fresh in my mind and in my heart.

Right now, all I have is regret. Regretting the things that I never and should have done.

And why am I never honest with myself?

But right now, I want to be honest with myself, I want him, I want to be with him. I want to hug him, kiss him and be the reason of his smile.

If only... if only there's a way I can go back seven years from now, I'm willing to do anything...anything for him just to be mine.....again.