1 Strike Me Down

I should be dead. I should've died 13 years ago. I guess if you turn it sideways, squint, and ask some 50 year-old philosopher from 800 BCE his opinion on the matter, I currently am. But who has time for shit like that? Life goes on, with or without you.

I don't know when or why it happened, but a select few people started being born with weird abilities. Power-crazy dumbasses would fight over them. The government tried to use them. These powers were only destructive, though, and uncontrollable. Stressors caused the users to explode, quite literally, leaving nothing behind but a pile of bones, guts, and a pool of blood. Those ideas were finally scratched. After that, I guess the only real options they had were having the users repress their emotions enough to avoid catastrophe, lobotomies, or execution.

The repression would lead to an inevitable final kaboom, so that obviously never left the drafts, but the lobotomies were also crossed off. They probably ruled the testing as dangerous. Whatever the reasons may be, most nations decided on poisoning the kids after the first signs of abilities, then blaming the deaths on the abilities themselves. Enough people had already died from that exact cause. Political mumbo-jumbo later, they got the pandemic under control.

All this being said, how did I survive? I don't fucking know. I don't remember. I do know, however, that life would've been easier if I hadn't.

If I'm happy, things move around and explode. With any emotion, really. I need to watch my every thought as to not commit mass murder. Then again, that sounds kind of fun.

I used to be terrified of it - No, I was never scared. What fear? No, I felt nothing. That knot in my chest was but hunger. I was never afraid. If I were, I'd be dead.

Thinking back, I don't really have many good memories. Who am I kidding, I don't have many memories at all. But I do remember Kira, the girl of my dreams.

I always liked dreaming. That's when I'd visit her every night. She was never there when I was awake, so being asleep suited me better.

She had the best smile. Or was it the only smile? The warmth and light it radiated could rival the sun. No, it would beat the sun any day. Sometimes it was so bright, it would burn, not that I would ever mind.

She brought me joy - No, I never felt joy. It was a warmth. A gentle hug, a support to lean on.

I'd vent all of my worldly issues to her and she would listen gently. Can you listen gently? Well, she could. After everything was over, she always pulled me into a hug and she would say that everything would be alright. And I'd believe her.

I remember now, I needed to cry - No, clear my eye ducts - when I visited her one night. She'd simply giggled and told me not to be afraid. She'd held me close and whispered fantastic tales of dragons and witches, knights in rusty armour being eaten by witch-dragon hybrids. I'd always looked at her as a genius.

Now I see, maybe I should've listened to her more closely. Those words pop out more, now that I know what they mean. "Sometimes you scare me," she said. "But that's all right. The best things always come with a hint of fear. That's where you find the adventure."

One day, the adventure gets too tiring for even the bravest of souls.

I used to walk down the same path every day, I remember. I'd pass a stand with the same smell of sweetness and a hint of tart. I don't know what it was. It shut down before I could ever know.

On the ground of my path, I remember a knife so vividly in my mind. A simple thought would always fester. "Take it and shove it through your eye".

I mentioned this to Kira once. I think I regretted it a bit. The fear in her eyes as she pleaded me not to do such a thing left me feeling bare. My head spun, heart amplified by a megaphone. I'd forgotten how to breathe, or it would be more accurate to say the pain in my chest blocked it.

A simple hug from her and the calming lull of her voice seemed to cure me. She was magical, far more than I.

"A bit of fear is fun," she said, but she left something out for a while. A little water may heal, but you'll eventually drown.

I take it that's what happened to you, dear Kira. You ran away in fright. You told me I should never fear, so why did you lose that fight? It's all become too much now. I need you here with me. Perhaps I put too much weight on you and the blame rests on my shoulders.

I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm upset, I'll admit it now. I don't care if that means these people are falling. This charred world bathed in red is nothing to me if I just drop dead. Wasn't that always described as a permanent dream? Maybe then I'll make up with Kira. I'll find joy again. But death won't come, my body just won't hit the floor. I keep stabbing and stabbing but not a drop of blood falls. I scream, at least I think I do.

Just let me fall. It's been days as I sit here. Not even sleep will come.

And here comes a man clad in rusted armour, wielding a sword. Just like the knights in Kira's tales. Yet this time the evil to destroy seems to be me. You aren't here to save me, are you? You're here to strike me down.

To that, I say "Try your hand". I failed. I failed. Please, Kira, wait for me.

Come on now young man, you're here to be a hero. Strike me down. Kill me. I dare you, do it now.

Please.