384 Love after trauma *parts of this chapter contain triggering content *

"This is a horrible idea." Jos stammered as they pulled into the wide drive of the werewolf palace. "No one is going to want me here… We should just turn around now."

Arei chuckled as he navigated the crowded driveway. "You're overreacting and overthinking this. I'm sure everyone has missed you and wants to see you. I know without a doubt Shelly has missed you. She asked about you frequently while you were gone… as if you'd even bothered talking to me during that time…" He sent her a sarcastic grin. "But, I'm not a man to hold a grudge or anything."

Jos rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you're definitely not the type of man who would constantly bring up stuff like that and rub it in, either. Would you?"

"Definitely not. That would be so petty." He sent her a wink as he pulled into a parking spot. He shut the vehicle off and clasped his hand over hers. "Jos, you can't make your problems go away by avoiding them. Give him the closer he needs to walk down the aisle tomorrow without regret."

"You don't know what you're asking there…"

Arei gave a light shrug. "I might have an idea… I have spent the better part of the past several months with him in Ry's absence."

Jos blew out a nervous sigh as she stared up at the palace. "What if…"

Arei leaned over and captured her lips with a quick kiss. "Don't think of the what if's. Go have a conversation with him. See for yourself with an open mind… without hesitation…"

Jos sent him a doubtful glare. "I would never have imagined those words coming from your mouth."

Arei chuckled as he brushed away a wayward strand of silver hair, letting his hand linger on the sharp curve of her cheek. "Like I said, I've spent nearly every day here with him of late… I'm not going to say I like him or anything…" He gave a nonchalant shrug. "But I don't hate him… anymore…"

Jos giggled. "He has a way of growing on you, doesn't he."

Arei rocked his head from side to side in debate. "Na-ah… yeah… maybe." He held his pointer finger and thumb up. "Maybe just this much… but no more!"

Jos rolled her eyes with a giggle. "You're ridiculous."

He smiled back at her. "Possibly… but only this much." He lifted his hand again in the same gesture, but Jos swatted it away playfully. His laughter faded as he studied her. "It's nice to see a real smile on your face. I've missed it." He leaned forward and placed a light kiss to her lips. "Let's, go."

Jos sucked in a long breath and blew it out slowly as she stood in front of the main entrance. She glanced up at Arei who stood beside her. "Are you sure? Like super sure? We could just send a gift basket or something…"

Arei shook his head with a grin. "Nope." He pressed against the small of her back and forced her into motion, guiding her through the massive front doors. He paused in surprise as he took in the foyer. "Good lord?! Well, Father has definitely left his signature all over this place." His eyes moved around the elaborate décor as he shook his head. "This is why I want to elope once we do wed. The mere idea of half this nonsense makes my head hurt."

Jos's eyes moved around the room in awe. "I don't know… I think it's beautiful."

"Well, thank you, dear! I'm glad someone has tastes here, my son is sure lacking in that department." Poseidon made his way down the heavily decorated staircase with his hands held out toward Jos.

"It really is lovely. You did an amazing job." She said as she stepped into his embrace. She continued looking around as he released her and patted Arei's wide shoulder. "It reminds me of Cam's wedding day."

Poseidon's smile widened. "I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure Russ and Shelly will be excited to hear all about the similarities." He nodded to the second floor. "Perhaps you could go on up while I have a word with my son."

Jos nodded. "Sure…" She swallowed past the nervous lump that had formed in her throat. "Um…" Her troubled eyes met Arei's, but he simply sent her a reassuring nod and turned his attention to his father. Jos sucked in a ragged breath. "Very well then…"

She made her way up the stairs and found herself lost in time as she walked the familiar hallway to the library. {Cam's favorite room…} She pushed open the already cracked door and found herself drawn to the many familiar shelves. Lost in the sweet reminiscence of the past, she didn't hear the approaching feet from behind.

"You're here."

***

"You look gorgeous!" Shelly exclaimed from the chase lounge of the queen's chamber.

Jaden turned slowly back and forth in front of the large mirrors that had been set up for her final fitting. "Do you really think so?"

"Yes! it's stunning, and the fit suits you well!" Shelly replied reassuringly.

"Yes! You look every bit the princess about to marry her prince!" April added in excitement.

"You mean queen about to marry her king, right?" Shelly snickered. She shook her head. "It's still so hard to believe… I never thought I'd see the day my brother would step up and take his place here... awe-ow!" She curled forward, placing a soothing hand on her large stomach. "Sorry about that, these two are really going at it in there."

Jaden and April's eyes both moved to Shelly's belly and then to each other. Jaden shook her head, but April ignored her as she turned her attention back to Shelly. "M-may I ask you something?"

Shelly's brows furrowed as she looked between the two girls. "Yeah, of course. Go right ahead."

April lowered to the floor at the foot of the chase lounge and rested her chin on the edge. "I… I've heard what happened to you be-before…" She swallowed nervously as the tension in the room began to build. She glanced back to Jaden, who was fumbling anxiously with the lacy fabric of her dress, her attention locked on them. "We… we were both wondering… how were you able to move past what happened?" April's eyes moved back to Shelly's stomach. "How… how did you adjust to being… touched?"

Concern wrinkled Shelly's features as her surprised eyes moved between the two girls. "You… you guys haven't…" Her eyes locked on Jaden. "You and Russ haven't…"

Jaden bit her lip and quickly nodded. "We have… kinda… but… but…"

Shelly's hand flitted to her mouth to hide her surprise. "I'm sorry… I just find it hard to believe knowing how Russ is…" Her brows furrowed. "He hasn't… hurt you, has he?"

Jaden shook her head. "Gods, no. He's very considerate…" She looked away as she continued chewing her lower lip. "But there are still things that I'm uncomfortable with… things that still trigger the bad memories…"

April nodded. "It's the same with Drake. He's so kind and caring… but every time his mouth touches anything that isn't my lips, I can't help but freak out."

Jaden nodded. "I'm afraid I'll never… adjust…" Her eyes became watery. "I'll never be able to satisfy him…"

April nodded in sad agreement.

Shelly thought over everything they'd said and all that they hadn't as she idly rubbed her stomach. "Everyone is different… I craved Rin's touch more than anything the first morning after he'd rescued me… I remember all I could think was that his touch… his love… would be enough to wash away all the bad. I was determined to replace all those bad memories with new ones of the man I love… Every place they'd touched, bit, cut… all the pain… I wanted it all replaced by his touch." Sadness replaced her calm reminiscence. "The night he was… hurt… in front of me…" Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. "I didn't think I would ever recover from that… when I thought I'd never see him again… in honesty, I still haven't. The nightmares re-occur so often even now…" She turned her attention to the girls and forced a smile. "But I got through it by surrounding myself with people I trust and love. People who love me." Her smile began to warm as she thought back to all the people who stayed by her side and gave her a new reason for living. Happy tears streamed down her cheeks as she smiled down at her swollen belly. "Being a wife… a mother, it has filled in all the dark holes where the pain and despair still remained." She turned her gleeful smile to Jaden and April. "Watching Cam giggling in Rin's arms... when he nurses while I'm laying Rin's arms… There are no words to describe the overwhelming love…" She wiggled in the chair as she leaned forward and clasped one hand over April's and held the other out to Jaden. "I know it's a bit different for you guys because you didn't meet Russ and Drake until after those horrible events, but trust me… one day they'll just be painful memories… bad dreams… that surface every so often… but you'll open your eyes and be surrounded by such love, it will chase away all the sadness… The warmth of their embrace will chase away the harsh cold, and in that moment you'll realize you're ok… that you're going to be ok…"

Jaden clasped Shelly's hand. "I… I think I know what you mean…"

April nodded tearfully as well. "Thanks, Shell." She bent and placed a kiss on Shelly's hand. "I'm glad I was able to meet you. You're the best."

"As am I." Jaden whispered emotionally.

Shelly tugged them closer and pulled them into a tight hug. "Me too, and I'm glad y'all feel that way. You girls are family now." She sent them each a warm smile. "You're stuck with me."

The girls shared more hugs and giggles before Jaden finally straightened and brushed her hands over her dress. "I guess I need to take this off… and um… talk with my soon-to-be husband." She sent them a nervous smile as she turned slightly. "But... um... first could one of you help me out of this thing?"

Jaden adjusted her loose blouse as she made her way down the hallway toward the library where she was sure to find Russ.

"I swear this has to be the most my brother has ever spent around books." Shelly scoffed as she wobbled slowly behind. She blew out a huffed breath as she paused to lean against a decorative table. "Man... I never remember these hallways being quite so long..." Her words faded as Jaden seemed to pause halfway through the doorway to the library. "What is it?" Her question died off, however, as she drew nearer.

Jaden stepped rigidly into the half-opened doorway, her entire body frozen by the words she heard inside.

"But here we are…" The soft rumble of Russ's voice made Jaden's heart both race and ache.

"Who's he-" Shelly's whispered question was quickly answered by Russ's next words.

"Jos, look at me. I know how you are, how you get. Don't be afraid to love… to be loved… You deserve happiness… Don't let it slip by again just because you're scared."

"Oh, shit..." Shelly muttered under her breath as she quickly covered her mouth with her hands. Her eyes moved frantically between Jaden and the room beyond the door jam. She could hear soft sniffles also coming from the room. No doubt Jos was crying over something Russ had said or done. She followed Jaden as she slowly pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped quietly into the room.

Shelly caught Jaden's arm and leaned close to whisper. "I'm sure we've misunderstood-"

Both girls' eyes nearly bugged as they watched Russ pulled Jos into his arms and press his lips tenderly against her head as if he were trying to comfort a fragile lover.

"Uh... Oh..." Shelly's breath caught. Her worried gaze moved from her brother and Jos to Jaden. Jaden's face was a mask of emotions, and her current body language was unpredictable. She slid her hand down to Jaden's and gave a gentle tug. "I'm sure it's not-" But before her hushed sentence could be completed Russ was adding yet another nail to the coffin.

"I want us to grow old together and be able to look back on this day and all the others in amused fondness." He wrapped her in an even tighter embrace. "I love you, Jos."

Jaden gasped in shock and pulled away from Shelly. She turned quickly, bumping into a bookshelf as she did. "Shit." Shelly muttered as her eyes followed a large book as it hit the floor. Her eyes shot up to Jaden's departing back then toward Jos and Russ. She stepped back against the shelves and covered her mouth. She sidestepped as slowly as she could out of the room, but her eyes widened even more as she saw Arei heading toward her. "Shit... shit...shit..." She shook her head. "This is why I don't come here, kids..." She whispered to her swollen belly as she rubbed it. "Too much drama, always!"