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⚠️ Mentions Abuse

⚠️ Mentions Panic and Anxiety attacks

Once upon a time there was a little girl she was happy but it started fading slowly. She started faking her smiles and talked less now. She didn't like to be seen or heard so she hid herself from the crowds.

              Now let's take a glimpse into her life shall we, when all this started at the age of three. It's not strange to see a children lying to cover up their mistakes, small mistakes like breaking a pen to saying "it wasn't me". Now the little girl tried her best not to lie but sometimes it slipped out of her mouth just because she was afraid of 'him'. It was always a nightmare for the little girl if 'he' knew she did something wrong.

               It's quite normal for people to discipline their kids if they were out of line but was it normal for beatings that made the child gasps for air? Maybe that's the reason the little girl grew up having panic and anxiety attacks. Sometimes the little girl thought 'he' was a monster, not having a heart hitting her till 'he' bruised her. 'he' was clever enough to not hit the girl below her knees as she always wore a dress to her school. 'he' would never apologise for what 'he' did. Come to think of it, the little girl never heard 'him' utter the words "sorry".

            The little girl was such a kind soul, even though 'he' didn't apologise she always forgave him. Maybe that's the reason she let so many people hurt her. The day after the beatings, the little girl would pretend like it never happened. Maybe that's the reason she doesn't express her feelings. Even though the beatings hurt and even sometimes bleed she never once showed hurt on her face, she would walk with a smile instead.

              As the girl grew up, things started to change, it stopped being physical it became emotionally instead. She tried to ignore, said she was strong but who was she kidding 'he' broke down her walls. Walls she built with a guarded heart but 'he' would always break them down with just a few words. 'He' was supposed to care and protect her but 'he' just became plain evil. When the got older the attacks got stronger, sometimes she would freak out or just not have enough oxygen. "Help me" she screamed in her mind but on the outside she covers up with a smile.

            Slowly day by day, the girl grew silent but on the inside she was fighting her demons. The girl always wondered why a simple touch from others made her flinch. It's because she's afraid they'll be like 'him'. She noticed she flinches from male contact the most because she's afraid they'll be like 'him' or even worse. But even will all this happening she keeps her head high, a bounce in her step and a very fake smile. The girl mastered the art of faking to a point where some would even say it's real. She makes people laugh and listen to their problems, but will she ever know how to show emotions.

                Even after all this she craves for affection, it's very hard to mend what's broken. Even till this day she wonders "Does 'he' really love me or is it just a lie?". 'He' says he does all this out of love then why does it make her feel so broken?. Every night she sleeps with tears staining her pillow with the thought "Am I bad? Can't I be loved?" floating in her head.

-The End-