Sticky Notes

"I will change the world one day by-"

Words that a younger version of Paige used to say. A version of him that has jet black kept hair, wavy but always clean and net. A version where there was always a smile on his face and a fire burning through his dark brown eyes.

If Paige closes his eyes, he still remembers how he walks in confident stride with his long legs always firm and sure with its steps. He can remember how energetic his voice sounds to be. A Paige, where he was always ready to challenge the world, no matter how little.

Now he is 21, with unkempt hair, dark bags under his soulless eyes, as he walks back to his small dorm with head bowed and unsure footsteps. Every time the day ends and he walks by to these almost endless windows, sometimes he would look, at the sullen way he dressed. Every dinner spent on instant noodles, his favorite was the spicy one. It burns his tongue and makes him feel he is still awake.

Every late-night hour spent in another load of school works, that he has no choice but to finish in the given time, each every subject. On his way to school, he always stops by that corner at the coffee shop, feeding a cute black stray cat with cat food he buys just for him. Sometimes, he spends a few minutes just staring at the sky by his college school gates, it always makes him late though. For sometimes, the sky seems to envelop him with the sense of comfort, a warmth he hasn't felt for a while.

And it is all Paige needed to keep going for another day. Speaking to class with a hollow voice to pass.

His mother has always reminded him of being a future that would bring them a fortune. Paige is the oldest, it is expected he will carry one for the family when the time comes. It's heavy, the burden placed on his shoulders that he didn't ask to. Paige focused and worked hard, but it's hard when you try to understand your parents' pleas and struggles, but they can't even spend an ounce of time trying and think that Paige is having a hard time too.

He's trying, he's not a disappointment, Paige is not lazy, and he's not definitely ungrateful. So he closes his eyes, trying to remember his younger self's motto, but as time goes by, he forgets them little by little. But the voice in his head never did go away.

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I walked slowly inside my parent's house, trying to make myself small as possible. It was those few breaks at school that we have, and my parents have always insisted that I come back home. I didn't want to, the transportation fee is always high, but I don't want to give them a reason to scold me. I just want a peaceful talk, no arguments.

"Ma, it's been five years since I had my laptop that you have given me. I just want to ask if you could give me spare money to get it fixed, it's not quite charging anymore." I dared to look at my mother's and father's eyes and it makes me want to quiver in fear. I hurriedly waved my arms in defense, "No, no, no! It still works Ma! Just needs a little bit of fixing, that's all," I shrugged wanting to show them that it's not a big deal.

But it seems that it is. Mother was angry, maybe because I'll be an expense again. I look at my father with a disapproving look, maybe because I was not taking care of my stuff better.

A thud was heard on the dining table, I flinched at the sound. "Paige! What the hell?! I told you to take care of your stuff as gadgets are expensive! We are already spending money on your schooling, can't you even think of our hard work to earn money?" she huffed and went upstairs with heavy and angry steps.

Father, who was still sitting on the dining table writing, was shaking his head. I felt even more ashamed, embarrassed, and guilty. "Take care better of your things, we do not poop money, Paige. We already have high expenses to you since going to college, try to be a little more grateful." He said without even glancing at me and scoffs.

I bowed my head, holding back the tears. I'm having a hard time too. I didn't ask to be born, if I was I wouldn't choose to live if it'll only make you spend more money. Yes, it's a reality I have come to learn.

Living is expensive, but maybe dying isn't.

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"I wanted to change the world by being me. I wanted the world to see me as who I am and that no matter what, I'll still stand up and win against the world. Now, I have no idea of who I am or what I am or who I want to become." I wrote in a piece of a sticky note. I closed my eyes, feeling the wind blow my hair.

It was a nice day to be on the top floor of the Art Class Building. I stick the note at the farthest corner of the hallway where not many go, but I guess somebody likes this place too. It was a little bit dark, a dead-end but it feels secluded and gives scary vibes.

That is why many steer clear of this very corner, but it has a good view of the school grounds if in front if you lean on the dead-end wall of the hallway.

Somehow, somebody has picked up my notes and after a day or so they reply. It keeps going for a year. I just went with it, they don't know me anyway. I stand up and walked out of the building hoping to distract my mind with a lovely walk. I'm tired.

"There you are!" a body bumps towards me as I walked. I looked back and it was Veronica. She smiled and patted my back as we walked side by side.

"I always see your lonely back and your eyes admiring the view of the school." She said he voice laced with curiosity with her eyes at the stone pavement. I looked ahead seeing the trees beside the paths leasing to every building here.

I hummed, "I like the view." She stares at me almost like boring holes at the side of my face. "I guess I can agree, it has gentle vibes in it." I glanced at her. I have no idea who Veronica is, one day we bump at each other and from then on we started going to classes together and walking out from our classes as of now. She's friendly I suppose, and maybe she just likes walking with strangers which is very unlikely.

I was about to take a turn to the boy's dormitory when she called out, her hands waving at me while she walks backward. "I'll be leaving for a week! Wish me luck that I'll win the contest!" She shouted with a big smile on her face. I gave her a thumbs-up as an answer. Yeah, I hope you win.

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It's been a few days, and I stare at the wide school ground. It feels nostalgic as I walk towards the building. I arrived at the secluded corner and saw that my sticky note was still there. I guess the unexpected pen pal was busy. I hope they're doing well. I took out my sticky notepad and ballpen.

"I wanted to change my world by living another day. I guess I can make it better though, even just a little. I wanted to win against the world. But I lost." I left it there, without looking back as it is starting to get dark outside.

Everything feels heavy, I walked towards my dormitory feeling the gentle caress of the wind. I went through my emails. "FAILED" The word feels so heavy, feels like despair. I'm tired.

I never got to see Veronica's back as she walks towards their dorm after.

I didn't even get to see her come back after her one-week absence.

I will never know if that girl who suddenly popped into my life got to win her contest.

I wish she did though. I wish I had asked her what it was about.

Maybe I should have asked what does she do in her classes.

I wish I could have seen the reply of that unexpected pen pal.

I wish my parents have fewer expenses now.

I am tired. It's peaceful now.

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"You didn't wait for me. I was hoping to see you lonely back again after school. I won, by the way, I draw you." – Veronica

A lonely sticky note barely holding on at the wall of a secluded corner.

Veronica stared at that lonely sticky note barely hanging by. She gave a wry smile at the sight, making her remember of a distant memory. A tall and confident yet lonely back of someone she always look ahead of when walking after school.

She looked at her right side, seeing many other notes on the wall.

It was a rumor, of a boy who always spend his time on this dark scary corner. They said, he leaves sticky notes to the girl he loves here. Some say it was notes of confessions. Others heard that the boy leaves poems. A few said, he left clues to why he disappeared, like some sort of a mystery chase.

They just know, he was there staring at the sky for a long time until he isn't there anymore.

It became a popular story amongst the art majors, after all it all unfolded to their building until it spread.

And now, this sketchy corner became a famous spot for new students who seeks the truth about the notes on the wall that have long been removed by the wind or by time.

Still, Veronica comes here everyday after school, like she used to when the boy was here. Waiting for her sticky note to be answered, to see that messy yet beautiful hand writing. Waiting, to see a glimpse of that unusual polaroid like sticky note on the wall, right besides her own note.