6 Chapter 6: Crying Makes Me Nervous

Owen

Head tipped down, hands covering her face, shoulders shaking.

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

I don’t do well with crying.

When I was growing up with Olivia, if she shed a tear from sadness, I was a goner. I’d climb any mountain to get her to stop. Metaphorically, obviously. But my baby sister’s tears were my Achilles heel from the time I was five years old and since then any time I see a woman upset or hurting, I have this insane desire to fix it.

Just as I’m about to walk out onto the deck to do, what, I don’t know. Comfort her? Maybe? But just as I'm about to do that, crying through the baby monitor pulls my attention from Cami.

She spins around, a look of terror on her tear-stained face.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t want to interrupt you. It sounds like the kids are awake. If you want to wait to get everything out of your car, I can be back down in a bit to help."

She’s shaking her head before I even finish speaking. "I’ll be fine. You go take care of them."

"I’ll be back down in a bit with the wood."

Sadness covers her like a cloak. "Not tonight, okay? I’ll be fine with the heater to keep me warm enough."

I hesitate then ask, "Are you alright?"

She offers up a smile that doesn’t come close to reaching her eyes and wipes under her eyes. After taking a deep breath, she grips her forearms and with a definitive nod says, "I will be. I will be."

"I’m just up the way if you need anything," I say, pointing to the lodge just as the sounds coming through the baby monitor grow louder. "The babies, they help. I can be having a supremely shitty day and I’ll FaceTime with either of them, and well, they really don’t have a clue what they’re doing but just seeing their faces and hearing their voices, it turns my day around."

That gets me a soft smile that wipes away some of the sadness. It makes me feel like a million bucks.

"Okay."

"Why don’t you do your thing. Get yourself settled and if you want to come up tonight and join us for dinner, you’re welcome to. We’re having a really deluxe meal of boxed mac and cheese, peas, canned pears, and cubed ham. I’m sure it sounds incredibly appetizing, but right now I eat what the babies eat."

"You don’t have to take care of me, Owen," she utters softly.

It’s not the first time she’s said my name out loud, but it’s the first time it affects me. It makes me immediately wonder what it would sound like if she were whispering it into my ear.

"Well, offering a fancy out of the box and can meal isn’t really doing much, Cami. And it’s just an offer. Truly. If you’d rather hang out here, you’re obviously welcome to. But right now, I need to get back up to the kids."

"Go. I’ll stop up later if I feel like it, that okay?"

"Works for me. Enjoy. And, you have my cell. Call me if you need anything." I’ve already told her that, but I don’t want to leave. Not even for the kids, which makes me sound and feel like a supremely crappy person.

"I will. Thank you. For everything. It’s obvious you don’t usually have a lot of guests this time of year and maybe you made an exception for me, but I appreciate it. I, uh, feel like I need to be here."

I pause just before leaving, hoping that she’ll find whatever it is she’s looking for here but not wanting to voice it. I also make sure not to tell her that it is a little weird to have guests this time of the year unless they’re ice fishing and even they aren’t around the lodge or main cabins much. I’m happy to have her. I have three ice fishing houses that the guests will rent but they spend all day on the lake. "Anytime."