21 The Road towards his future (1) - Maritsu POV (1)

That couldn't be the case, right? He might have been more tired than usual, because of the exams coming up. He had to work hard to get into an Ivy League college. After all, his older brother Jason and his mother had made tons of sacrifices for him to even be able to get this chance. So what was working hard and being sleep deprived?

The fact however that he was told by the armed forces that not only his brother had died, but also that his brother hadn't left a last will. The army would never mess up something so important. His brother had told him that every soldier had a locker, where before they went on any mission they would have the opportunity to write down their last words for their loved ones. It was meant as a closure for those who were left behind. The soldiers took writing these letters very seriously since they knew it just might be the only thing that could be handed over to them in event of their death.

All those lockers were locked with keys. If the soldiers returned they could retrieve the letter and burn them or dispose of them in another way. After all last thoughts and wishes are meant as comfort but having them laying around to be confronted with is never easy. Besides although their dear ones knew they could die any time they went out, being made to face that reality was hard. So whenever they could soldiers would hide the dangers of anything or everything encountered on a mission. As long as they came back home safe.

The other key was only held by the commander. Who was responsible to hand over the last will of a deceased soldier to the Moratair. Which was a department in the military which handles death notifications. It also handled funerals and the send-off of any military personnel deserved when sacrificed in the line of duty. They would also function as grief counselors if the family had any needs for those.

So what went wrong? Had he misremembered Jason's last words before the mission? He couldn't have right. So after the Moratair personnel had left and he had put his mother to bed. Maritsu walked towards his room. There is a secret space in his drawer. This drawer held the last letter his brother left him. He closed the door to his room and sat down on his bed. So even though he had lacked sleep, he hadn't hallucinated the last conversation with his brother. So where did the last will of his brother go? What terrifying secrets did this letter hold? That his brother to hide it and keep it safe and only open it if news of his death came?

When Maritsu opened the letter. He saw the familiar handwriting from his brother. His brother stated his concerns. That he had this feeling that he could not come back alive from his mission. That he should stay strong for his mother. That he should carry on and be a good son. Since if he was reading this letter he was unable to. Jason told him how his team member had died. How it was ruled a suicide. However, he knew that wasn't the case. That team member wasn't suicidal. He was engaged to be married and had a child on the way. So how could he kill himself? However, other team members weren't as close to the member who died. Since they became family, because of the missions they knew each other's personalities well.

Most team members would try to keep work and personal life separated. Therefore, although the team member who died was a close brother, they hardly knew anything about his personal life. Jason however knew more. They had come up from basic training together. Therefore he had even seen his fiancé. A fiancé who hadn't even been notified of his death, while being several months pregnant. He also told his little brother that the missions they had been going on seemed wrong, there seemed to be an undercurrent. However he might have been wrong, just being the foot soldier he was, he might not have been able to see the bigger picture. However, the bad feeling wouldn't leave him alone. He still wouldn't say more about it though, because no matter he would uphold his code of ethics. Missions were secret and he wouldn't break that code.

The fact that some squad members seemed to be suddenly flushed in cash didn't bode well either. So if he didn't return it meant that something was wrong. It also meant, that his team members might have had a hand in his death. He left this letter purely because he didn't want his brother to go ask questions and get on their radar. The letter was signed off: "Take care my brother and take care of mom for me, now I am unable to do so. Also, know that I am very happy to have been your big brother and I am just so proud of you. Jason."

While reading the letter tears had been forming in Maritsu's eyes. When he saw the last letter though he burst out into sobs. He tried to keep as quiet as possible. His mother was in the room next to him and she just had received a big blow, by being told about her oldest son passing. He couldn't worry his mother more. So he held his hand in front of his mouth and sobbed as quietly as possible.

How hopeless his brother had to have felt when writing this letter. How his brother must have been unable to see a way forward. When realizing his brother's despair a wave of guilt came crashing over him. The only reason why his brother joined the army was so he could continue to study. Their dad had abandoned them and his mother got sick. His brother stepped up, to offer him and his mother a brighter future.

However, if they had both dropped out of school they could have paid their mom's medical bills easily enough. So the only reason why his brother enlisted was for him to stay in school. How could he reconcile that? How could he ever live a life steadily in the future when he knew his brother died because of him? How did his brother expect him to even see a way forward?

His eyes wavered. What was he supposed to do? The college entrance examinations were coming up. His brother's only dream was for him to go to an Ivy League College. However, how could he go that path? His brother wasn't there anymore and there were so many questions surrounding his death. So how could he go to school with peace of mind? Should he continue to take the exams?

When his sobs finally calmed down he walked to his desk sat down and grabbed a notebook. He should analyze the situation and decide on his way forward. His eyes finally stopped wavering and got a determined glint. Whatever he would analyze next would determine his way forward and his future. He had to get serious and not be led by emotions. His brother Jason had always told him he was the smartest of the two brothers and that he was so proud of him. In his last will, these words were the last words he left to him.

So no matter what he would make a plan and work towards completing it. He would prove to his brother that he wasn't just the reason for his death. He could continue to be his pride.