16 Redemption

The day was something of a blur to me, as was the night. To tell the truth I do not know how I managed to save the boy. If I were being honest with myself, I should have died. But I did not. Had it been me on the boat when it tipped I would in all likelihood have drowned. To make it there and back was nothing short of a miracle, and the minute it took seemed like an hour. But then, miracles were the result of determination.

To my surprise, I awoke to Silvana tending to my wounds. To my even greater surprise, she did not look angry in the slightest. Where only days ago she looked glad to see me suffer, she now had some measure of worry on her face. Almost enough to make me believe she cared for me, but not quite, not yet.

"Glad to see you are awake, Celestial." She said, wrapping a bandage around my arm. "You have too many broken limbs to walk and your head is a furnace. If you wish to live, do not leave your bed."

"Eric, how is he? Did he live?" I asked, shaking myself awake.

"The boy lives. I could hardly let him die after what you did to save him. Who is he to you?" Silvana asked.

"A stranger. I've known him for a day or two. He was helping me design the mills and bought wood for the boat." I said, rubbing my head. It burned like a summer day. My vision was foggy even after I rubbed my eyes. Silvana pushed me back down.

"You would have died! Is death nothing to you?"

"Those who have lived a good life need not fear death. God will be my judge and savior. We must all die someday, so what if I must a few years earlier?" I responded.

Her lips curled in a small smile. "Gods? I did not know you were a pious man."

"God." I corrected. "There is only one."

"Oh? How are you so sure? You act as if you have seen him yourself."

"Not him, his angel." I replied. Silvana laughed. In any other situation I would have enjoyed it, but I was not joking. It took some time for her to realize that.

Mirth vanished from her voice. "You can not be serious."

I lowered my head. "I was not always a good man." I said, my vision blurring. "It's so strange now, thinking back. I was young then, a boy in a man's body. I didn't care for anyone else. I joined the army, but not for duty. To see death."

I knew that there were things that I should not have ever said, but I said them anyways. I suspect Silvana had done something to my head at times, but if my instincts meant anything that was a lie, a delusion I made for myself. "I wanted it. I wanted to hurt, to torture, to kill. It made me feel powerful, more like a man. Less like the thing that I was. The pathetic boy who couldn't throw a straight punch to save his life. So I became a soldier. I trained, I fought, and I killed. How many people's lives have I ended? I don't even know anymore Too many, far too many, and I know none of their names. None!" I felt the heat in my head spread over my body.

I felt Silvana rest a hand on my arm as I ranted on. "I was about to die that day, surrounded by a group of terrorists. Save the hostages, I was told. I didn't care. I just wanted to rush in and start killing. So I did. They found me, and they attacked me. I don't know how I survived. I shouldn't have, but he saved me." The pain in my limbs faded away, and I felt awake. More awake than I ever was before.

"Who?" Silvana rasped.

My voice went quiet. "He had wings of fire, and his eyes glowed with molten gold. He asked for nothing. I thought for a moment that he was the devil, come to claim my soul for the hell I deserved. But it wasn't. He gave me his hand, and he saved me."

If I had looked up, I would have saw the horror on Silvana's face. An open jaw accompanied by heavy breaths. "Go, he said. Find your power. Do what you have always wished to do. It was on that day that I became myself, when I finally realized what I had become, and who I could now be. Who I must be." I did not see Silvana's face. In that moment I could see him again, the angel reaching down from the heavens to take my hand in his. To raise me to the skies above.

"The bullets, the pain. It was nothing to me anymore. I screamed and I fought, and by the end of the day I was riddled with wounds. But I lived. The hostages were rescued, my comrades were saved. Because of him, that angel who did not leave his name." I finished. I felt my shoulders loosen, as if a great burden was lifted from them. It felt good to talk about it. As if my pain was released.

Silvana gripped my shoulders so tight I was afraid she might crush them. "Are you sure? Are you sure of his appearance?" She demanded, shaking me like a leaf. Her eyes blazed like a wildfire.

I did not move, and I met her gaze. "Yes." I said. "Have you heard of him?"

Silvana laughed. It was a hysterical, deranged laugh. As I heard it I feared for her sanity. It took some time for her cackle to collapse back into a fit of giggles. "What did he give you?" She made out between breaths. "What power?"

"Faith." I replied. "I knew that there was something out there, watching me. Seeing everything I did, and remembering. That was enough. An eternity in heaven lies before me if I can find myself. To that, pain is nothing. Death is nothing."

Silvana laughed again. She laughed like a lunatic in an asylum. Like a witch brewing a potion. Like a demoness set free. To any onlooker not clouded by his illness, she appeared as if she were mad.