The Incarnation of the First

It hurts to breathe, am l alive. I can't see, why did l choose to be a hero. This is what my life amounts to, nothing. This voice echoing in my mind, it's annoying. I just want to die in peace, still l don't want to die. There were so many things l wished to do. Did it have to end like this? Fate, what a joke. Maybe if l was stronger l would have been able to protect her. All l could do was make it worse for her. I hate the life l've lived so far, maybe just maybe when my eyes shut the horror will end and be replaced.

Is it life by chance, or is it decided if l don't deserve it, l shall make one for myself.

~Lei

I woke up to a loud morning thanks to the next door neighbor Mr Oliver who was shouting at his grandson because he forgot to water the garden last night. Just as l stepped out of the bed, my head started pounding hard as l heard a mysterious voice buzzing in my brain, it was faint but l could hear faint sounds of tears. It might have been just my imagination, but it felt so sad. For a split moment, l wanted nothing to do with life.

It was scary, l wanted to die. The bond l had with him, it might not have been real but to all that pain l felt, l was relieved.

~Lei

I heard small flashes of a dark place, l could only catch a small glimpse with my blurred vision. There was a scent of despair, and amidst all the chaos and confusion there was a small boy crying his eyes out. He looked so sad, when l saw him l also wanted to cry. Such a sight, can it truly exist as l sighed while the vision disappeared. A stern headache followed afterwards so l decided to go to a nearby convenience store for some medicine. I felt sad for myself for failing to get a girlfriend in highschool, it had been only a month after l failed my college entrance exams. My parents saw me as a failure and cut all ties without a second thought.

It was when l went home, l found the house empty with nothing but the faint smell of grease. I looked around and saw no signs of them. I heard a car coming by the house and quickly rushed outside to find two men wearing suits. They asked me what l was doing there, which sounded funny to me as l lived there. I told them about how it was my home, but they looked at me with contempt. One of them pulled out a document from his case and gave it to me.

What is this? I looked in confusion. I had just came back home from my part time job only to find out that all the furniture was gone. Two strange men wearing business suits came up my house. At first l had thought we had been robbed.

When l asked what there were doing there, one of them pulled out a document from his case. Upon seeing it, I felt sad yet, somehow l couldn't bring myself to cry. Maybe the shock hadn't rendered itself to my mind. I stared at the deed which said the ownership of the house had been transferred to a couple called the Maringates. I knew deep down they hated me, as since l was a child they looked at me the same way one looked at garbage.

I was an accident to them, maybe they just wanted to get rid of me and have a fresh start somewhere else. They always worked me to the bone, using me as a tool to satisfy their daily pleasures. I was told to get a part time job in middle school or they would cut all ties with me, the owner of the shop l worked for seemed to have been friends with my father, and he worked me long tireless hours which sometimes meant l would skip some school days just to cover the extra load of work.

The homeroom teacher at school never bothered to say anything about it and l was too scared of my parents to even mention it.

To be honest, l never expect any kind of sympathy or love from them. I never really got why my parents forced me to work since father earned a decent amount to take care of both us, greed maybe l thought. On top of a but load of work, l had to take care of all the household chores while my mother went out drinking with her friends.

I guess the money from my part time job was used for the savings of moving out. I slept on a park bench wondering wether l should be happy or sad. I went to my part time job where father or should l say my ex father had got me. The manager had a strange look on his eyes when he saw me. I came up to him to ask if there was any work for me but he fired me without warning and kicked me out of the shop.

I was now wondering the streets looking for another job, any means to stay alive. At that point l, myself was wondering why l was grasping for life.

I was lucky to find a job at a construction site, even though it was a black company barely hanging on, the pay was atleast enough to pay the rent of my small apartment and buy food twice a day.

The life l had lived so far wasn't the best, but l was trying my best in this cruel world. Going back to the present, l managed to buy some medicine although it cut a chunk out my budget for the month it was a necessary risk.

I guess l have to stick with one meal a day, l thought. Barely holding on to life taught me a lesson.

In this world, they exist two people. Those born with the ability to choose their paths in life and those who are forced to take the only path there is.

~Lei

The black company l worked for gave us a week's vacation due to rumours being spread about it, an investigation was being held. I couldn't very well tell them all the rumours were true since this black company gave me a job disregarding my poor academic skills. The others seemed to think so too. The police weren't our saviors, there were created more of a problem by helping out in the wrong direction.

I then headed back to my apartment but somehow l found myself trapped in a cliche normally found in a manga. There was a highschool girl being harassed by a delinquent. I couldn't blame reality for this. It was not my cup of tea. At that moment, l gathered the my courage, held my head down low, closed all existing self esteem in me and nervously passed them by. My heart was pounding hard, l was doing my best to make as little noise as possible.

No matter how cool l wanted to look, there was no way on Earth l could call myself a decent human ignoring a girl in distress. What could l do? I was scared, shivering and sick, no that was no excuse. This was happening because it was me. l wanted to disappear. I was not a hero, reality isn't the same as fiction. One might think, if there is a fire in a house, l would rush in without hesitation. It's only when they realize how hot the flames are they know where they stand, it's a painful dose of reality.

As l passed by the girl, my heart beat hard. Tears flowed from eyes. Is this me, l don't know what l had become. I kept mumbling words telling myself it was okay, no one would blame for it. I don't know what came over me, wether it was curiosity or just straight damn stupidity l made a decision that changed my entire view. I looked at the girl, and since horror was a think apparently, she took noticed of me. Oh...crap, crap, crap, what do l do? Our eyes met, should l do something. I turned my head quick and tried to ignore the situation, but l couldn't feel her sadness and fear. She look at me with eyes begging for help.

It was only after a few steps one of delinquents heard me. He quickly called to his friend and pointed a finger at me. Oh look, it seems they're actually sensible people in the world he said while grinning. He called out to me in a loud voice which scared the hell out of my soul. Of all the days this could happen, some divine intervention somehow decided this was the right day and time to specifically create this scenario. I walked slowly towards them in anticipation for the worst as their stern cold eyes looked straight at me as if claiming dominance on my entire life.