The Quest!

As I lay on my back with the worst headache ever feeling a great desire to just pass out to get away from this deep pain, I mentally complimented Itachi on winning that round big time. But Itachi made a majorly wrong assumption with this walk off KO. He should have dove for the ground and pound, because I am still here.

It was a fair assumption as the jutsu puts people in an instant coma by overloading the brain, but I'd spent every day of the last seven months progressively overloading my brain using the Shadow Clone Jutsu. My gray matter's resistance grew exponentially during this time, and as Itachi closed his eyes due to the pain and strain of using the Tsukuyomi I sent medical chakra up into my head to relieve the massive swelling going on within my brain case.

"Fuck that!" Kisame shouted, "He hurt Samehada and now I'm going to end him!"

The shark man hefted Kubikiribocho off the ground while I pretended to be unconscious and walked over to finish me off while Sakura attempted to stumble over to save me. She'd probably not even remember the heroic action later due to the severity of the conclusion, but Itachi would never forget the sight of what came next.

When Kisame planted his feet and committed to the downswing of Kubikiribocho to end me with my own sword in a conclusion both poetic and satisfying for the man I burst into action once more. The Lightning Chakra Mode erupted around me full power and I sat up like the Undertaker delivering a rising slash with the Kusanagi as it chirped like a thousand birds from the Chidori Current channeled through it.

I never even felt the cut as it passed though both the man and the ultra greatsword, nor the return stroke that separated the cleaved torso and the head. With the full power of my Lightning Chakra Mode I was able to perceive Kisame's shocked face as I blitzed at Itachi with a Lightning Release: Body Flicker.

The man wanted an avenger to come and destroy him, well he's got it. Even if the man's torture wasn't particularly inventive, spending three days crucified getting stabbed over and over in multiple instances at once can settle some real bad juju with a man.

A blazing shield of concentric circles burst into life between us and completely halted my attack. The Yata Mirror shield held by Itachi's Susanoo negated my attack by meeting it with a precise amount of chakra of the opposite nature, enabling a very effective and efficient shield. But the Chakra had to come from somewhere and Itachi's already blown his load on the Tsukuyomi.

Wisely, I pulled back before the giant construct could thrust its liquid sake sword at me, and dropped the LCM as I flew through hand signs that ended in the Tiger sign. I blew out a great gout of fire that formed five long eastern style dragons that flew into the sky and superheated the surround air before dive bombing Itachi's Susanoo.

Was it wise to bombard Ninja Jesus's position with five Fire Dragon Flame Bullet attacks. No. But I had faith in Itachi's hax lord bullshitery and the man failed to disappoint when he thrust his Totsuka blade into the first and forth attacks, sealing them away and letting the other attacks negate as they hit his Yata Mirror.

I launched another barrage of Fire Dragon Flame Bullets and by the time Itachi delt with the attack his Susanoo felt far diminished from its first appearance and the man inside huffed and puffed in near complete exhaustion. To be sure I ran chakra through my eyes, causing my pupils to erratically expand and contract using the method that allows a regular person to see through Genjutsu.

When Itachi didn't disappear the crackling of thunder heralded my victory.

"I'll give you one chance to surrender." I announced with a wide grin on my face as my chakra guided the lighting in the thunderclouds above, "Release my teammate or I'll kill you both right now. You will not escape with him."

"Hold, young Kiba!" came the baritone voice of Might Guy as the man landed between me and Itachi's Susanoo, "Hold back your unyouthful attack, for the Sublime Green Beast of Konoha is here!"

Jiraiya landed next to him, and immediately bent over taking in ragged breaths of air, "Damn… you run… so fast! Stand down… Itachi… stand down, you fucking fool!"

Itachi either allowed the Susanoo to dissipate or ran too low on chakra. Either way, he collapsed to one knee and dropped Naruto.

"Are you guys sure I shouldn't destroy them both?" I asked as I pointed up to the massive lightning dragon dancing across the blackened clouds. The three elite ninja balked in the face of the Kirin.

"Is that… natural lighting?" Jiraiya questioned in awe of the massive beast.

"Like I said, are you sure I shouldn't just destroy them?" I repeated as the lighting in my hand guided the movements of the colossal beast in the sky.

"Cancel the jutsu. Itachi is an asset." Jiraiya ordered.

I sighed as I threw the Kirin across the border of this small country and into the barren desert of the Land of Wind. Statistically speaking the odds of the attack hitting anyone out there are near zero, but as this is a fictional setting I'll probably fry the Daimyo's favorite brother as he is out kidnapping women from the wild desert tribes for his amusement.

Guess I'll just have to deal with that drama as it comes. Prolly just blame it on Itachi. That's an easy Konoha fixall.

Rather than deal with the Naruto situation I walked over and stuffed Kisame into a sealing scroll and went to check out Samehada. I picked up the handle half of the club and saw that the top half was curled up into a ball shaking like a leaf in the storm.

"Hey, Samehada." I greeted the most powerful shark on a stick in fiction, "I'll fix you and you'll become mine."

That beast of a sword shaved steel off the Kubikiribocho during our clash, and I don't think there are any blades besides my own actually capable of cutting though the Sharkskin Club without chakra flow, something that simply can't beat Samehada.

I flowed medical chakra down the handle of the club, causing it to bristle in response. Sensing the chakra, Samehada positioned its bleeding lower end to its other half and the medical chakra did the rest, restoring the blade in a near instant.

"Kubikiribocho has literally nothing on you." I chuckled at the quick and easy fix, "You're capable of some fairly wild transformations, how about we try this."

Samehada flowed over me as a beautifully articulated high collared coat of scales down to my wrists and knees. The teeth around the collar might give a man nightmares but the little skull pommel hanging by the slack tassel of a handle was quite cute. All in all ten out of ten after I adjusted my straps and harness.

I welded the two halves of Kubikiribocho back together with some blood and once more hid the Kusanagi no Tsurugi within Lord Fluff Fluff.

"Fuck me, I'm rocking the three sword style." I chuckled in realization so long as you turned your head and squinted at Samehada being a sword.

Come to think of it, Raiga the wielder of the Kiba blades got upgraded later in Shippuden from filler character to canon. Even if his boy Ranmaru doesn't exist there's a good chance the man is currently running that mining town, and those swords deserve a real man's hands.

"So you got your ass kicked." I commented as I returned to Baru's side and yanked the Kunai out from under his ribs.

It hadn't pierced anything vital, but was painful for the dog. A quick application of the Mystic Palm Jutsu sorted that out.

"Good fight!" Baru roughly barked, "Puppet fucked!"

I looked over at the remains of the Octoblender.

"Guy really took it apart at all its weak spots. Fucking Uchihas." I muttered.

"Fucking Uchihas!" Baru agreed and we made our way to Pinky.

"Hey there champ." I greeted as I used the Mystic Palm to clear up Sakura's concussion.

"Owww.." she complained as the pain temporarily increased before it vanished, "He hit me and it was like my whole body didn't want to work any more."

"Yeah, he rocked you." I nodded as I finished the treatment, "Now lets go see what happens next."

I pulled Sakura off the ground and the four of us joined Naruto, Jiraiya, Guy, and Itachi as they discussed the next stage of their anti-Akatsuki plans.

"Zetsu will have likely reported back to Pain." Itachi spoke in that dispassionate voice that just drives girls crazy in this verse, "He led us to the team, and likely spied on the entire battle."

"Which means Akastuki saw Kiba use the Lightning Chakra Mode. Shit." Jiraiya spat, "All they have to do now is leak it to Kumo and we'll have those cloud jockeys breathing down our necks trying to substantiate the rumor. Do you think your deal with them will hold up?"

"Yes." Itachi nodded softly, "As long as I still live Akatsuki will not attack Konoha directly."

"What kinda bullshit is this?" Naruto shouted and pointed his finger at the Uchiha in rage, "We're supposed to buy that this asshole gooning for these Akocksky fucks is the only thing between us and a bunch of super criminals attacking the Leaf! How does that make any sense to anyone?"

"Sense and nonsense mean little in the world of Shinobi, only effectiveness truly matters." Itachi counseled the angry kid, "My deal will not last much longer, as I have only a handful of years left, and I doubt that they will honor a deal made with a man laid up in a hospice. So within three years Konoha must be prepared to fight off the full might of Akatsuki."

"Well… Shit." Jiraiya muttered.

"Sounds like we'll need to pull out all the stops." I patted the old man on the back, "Good thing you got me on the team, otherwise you guys would all be totally fucked."

"Just keep that cheerful demeanor when we are neck deep in S-Rank criminals." Jiraiya grumbled, "There's no time for you kids to report back. I'm issuing an emergency mission in the field. We need to track down Tsunade and get her back to the village. We can't let an asset like that wander any longer, and we need her to treat Kakashi after what this 'goon' did to him."

"Well what are we waiting for!" I shouted, "We have a quest to find the greatest titties in the world!"