10 Chapter 9: I am never alone.

(Amy's POV)

Today was a whirlwind of emotions. I learned a lot about my family, this whole arranged marriage issue which was the reason why I left home and led to a conflict within my family. It pains me a lot knowing that my own home is in chaos but it seems like I can't do anything about it since I can't even remember what exactly happen and make a solution out of it.

My dad and brother wanted me to stay here in Seoul for a while while they try to sort out the mess I made. And because of that, I kept on blaming myself for being useless.

I am useless.

I kept on scolding myself in my thoughts as I look at the city lights as we pass by the streets on our way home.

I honestly wanted to take a pause and breathe but every time Troy puts in new information inside my head, I can't just disregard him knowing all his efforts to help me have my memories back. But the more I know, I guiltier I become. It's slowly eating me and making me insane, which makes me afraid of the outcomes.

I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. But I can't and I don't even know why.

Doubts started to creep in, like a worm, a pest, inside my head. These what-ifs are drowning me and I'm frightened that no one will pull me out from the depths.

"Troy," I said out of nowhere. "What if I couldn't regain my memories anymore?"

"Then we will create new memories together." He replied as I felt his hand held mine which made me look at him straight in his eyes.

I could see he's serious about what he just said and a part of me sincerely believes that he will fulfill it. But these puzzle pieces scattered inside my head blurs it with doubts.

"Amy, with memories or no memories, I love you for who you are. And I know you feel the same way too." He continued. I assume he sees it through my eyes but I can't comprehend how can he see me deeper, deeper than I could see myself.

"If you are uncertain of what you feel towards me just because you lost your memories, then let's start from the very beginning. We'll do the things you love or the things you want to do. We'll even try new things that spark your interests. I'll pursue you again, I'll date you again, prove myself to you and your family again, I'll make you fall in love with me again, and I'll never get tired of doing those things for you, Am."

Though sometimes I felt embarrassed about how he can read my mind, it somehow warms me up, knowing that I don't need to pretend whenever I'm with him. I appreciate all his efforts in helping me to get through this phase of my life, but I'm still afraid and uncertain about the things that I can't even point out.

"What if I won't be able to reciprocate everything you've done for me?" I looked down and sighed as I clasp my fingers together, resting them on my lap, trying to hide the sweat from the anxiety that I feel as I let my mind flow verbally.

"I'm not asking you to reciprocate anything, Amy. All I want from you is to just allow me to take good care of you. That's all."

"What if…" I continued. I wanted to scold myself for the words that were unceasingly coming out of my mouth.

Then, I heard his irritated voice cutting me off which made me frozen for a second.

"There were no 'what ifs' in life, Amy."

Troy has been patient with me, always backing me up, the whole time. This was the first time that I saw a tinge of irritation in his eyes.

I must've gone too far.

"…what should I do to prove myself to you? Can't you hear how this heart beats only for you? Love, I am willing to defy anything for you even if it costs me my life." I listened to him as he continued. I stared at him as he looks down, holding my hand on his chest.

"I'm saying this to you again, I am not asking you for anything in return. Just trust me, Amy. Please, just trust me."

I panicked when I glanced in his eyes flowing with tears. I instantly wiped it off with my other hand and caressed his cheeks. He's pained because of the words I said.

I'm sorry, Troy. I'm sorry for hurting you.

"Troy, I'm sorry. I just felt like I'm being a burden to you. I can't remember anything and merely trusting my instincts on everything. I feel bad for you because I think I'm only giving you a hard time." I told him with all honesty.

I wanted to comfort him but I don't even know how. All I can do is to put all the blame on me for hurting the people I love – my family, and this man right in front of me.

"You're right about everything, Troy. I'm afraid, I'm blaming myself, I feel being useless, I am hopeless, and I am trying to fit puzzles inside my head."

I wanted this mess to be over. I wanted to fight this head-on. But what if in the end, I will be fighting alone, not certain of what war I am going against.

And in times like these, I'm afraid to be alone. I don't want to be alone. What if after everything I just said to him, he would decide to give up?

With pleading eyes, I gazed at his hazy eyes, "baby, please don't give up on me. Being here with you makes my heart at peace. With you by my side, I've never felt calmer. That even though my mind seems a shattered piece, when you're with me makes me completely whole."

"For me, it felt odd yet it seemed like my soul is bounded to be with you."

"With all these things that I strangely felt towards you, I'm afraid that if these memories won't return, you'll have a change of heart and just leave me behind."

I suddenly felt him unbuckled my seatbelt and in a split-second, I'm already sitting on his lap.

I was caught surprised by his sudden actions.

He kissed my forehead, and it magically cleared my head.

Then my eyes, and I felt serene in his arms

And he locked his lips with mine that it seemed like it was the missing piece of the puzzle I was looking for my entire life. I closed my eyes as I allowed him to take me deeper into the ecstasy of his love.

My worries, my what-ifs – they were all washed away.

Little by little, memories flashed back in my head and for the first time, it didn't hurt. Me, sneaking out just to meet him in his car waiting outside my house. Him, hugging me from behind as we both watch the sunset on the beach. Us, walking in the halls of Berkeley, holding each other's hand.

All happy memories.

I smiled as we both parted, gasping for air.

He was like the missing key that I needed to unlock these memories hidden in my subconscious.

Although I can't still remember all of them, one thing is certain…

My heart is not lying, neither my subconscious.

He is the love of my life, and with him by my side, I am never lost or alone.

"I will never leave you alone, baby. I love you." He whispered as he panted, resting his forehead on mine.

"I know, baby. I love you, too."

I saw his eyes grew wide, surprised. I smiled and caught his lips once again, drawing his neck closer to mine.