13 Chapter 12 – Tattered beyond repair

Troy's parents arranged a dinner in a restaurant for us before we go back to the US. They were hesitant to see me leave, especially Hye Jin. But she's also happy that Troy's coming with me so that no one would bother her while I'm gone. Mr. and Mrs. Song told me that they will miss me and told me to go back with Troy once everything is settled in the US. For more than a month of staying here with them, it really feels like home. Homey than the home I grew up to.

I remember when we were still in Berkeley, Troy would tell me about his parents and he also wanted to have a love like theirs. I argued that each couple has a unique story and shouldn't compare ours to theirs. But spending time with them made me feel inspired and somehow wish to have a love as strong as theirs. A love that stood through time, a love built on trust, faith, and friendship, a love that lasts until the end.

"I'm gonna miss you, Lie." Hye Jin kept on tugging my arm while she tries to remove Troy's hands wrapped my shoulders.

"Hey, Jin Jin, who's Lie? She's Amy." Troy bantered.

"Why do you care? I'll call her the way I want to call her." She pouted and glared at him. "Why won't you go alone and leave Amy here so that we could have a peaceful life?"

"Sorry sis, Amy and I were inseparable." He sniggered.

"Amy, I'll sleep with you tonight. It's your last night in Seoul and I wasn't able to spend time with you."

"Sis, aren't you assigned for night shift today?" I shook my head as I listen to both of them teasing each other.

"I don't." Hye Jin's phone rang suddenly and picks it up. As she listens to the person talking on the other line, she scowled at Troy and hung up the call.

"Song Hyun Joo, you doomsayer! Now I do!" Fuming at her brother, she stood up and took her bag, "I wish you a delayed flight!" and she kissed her brother.

Troy was still laughing with his stomach as he hugged Hye Jin and disheveled her hair. "Bye sis. Amy and I will miss you."

I watch Troy and Hye Jin's closeness and couldn't help myself but feel envy. My brother, Albert, would always treat me like a princess. He would always spoil me like how my dad would. He would defend me from my mom and sister. I had a great childhood with Albert. However, it feels like he's my mini-dad. On the other hand, I grew up being compared with my sister, Ella. Ella being the good kid, while Amy being the audacious one. Ella being this, while Amy being that.

I'm sure daddy and Al are very happy seeing me again, but will mom and Ella be happy as well? Will they'd be open-minded to settle the issue about the arranged marriage? I hope this would be over soon.

"Baby, are you okay?" Troy wrapped his arms around my waist as I lean on him. I haven't even noticed that they were the only ones who're left in the room.

"Where are Uncle and Auntie?" I asked.

"Mom and Dad have to go to one of my Auntie's house. They will sleep there tonight." I nodded as he explained. "Let's go?"

***

Al's personal driver fetched us from LAX as soon as we arrived and now we're heading to his apartment where Troy and I will stay temporarily. I looked around and I realized how I missed this place. I watched the skyscrapers move past my eyes as we drove our way to Al's apartment. Scenes flashed before my eyes that seemed like I'm in a time-travel capsule, bringing me to the memories of my childhood.

"Amy, why can't you behave like Ela?"

"Amy, you've gone with your dad and brother again! Why can't you stay at home like Ela?"

"Amy, how many times do I have to tell you to stop running around and try to be prim and proper for once! You're bringing shame to the Young Family!"

"Amy, just Second Honors? You're not good enough."

These words were like daggers pierced deep in my heart, etched into my bones, breathed into my lungs each and every day of my life. Since I was a child, I tried to comprehend and convince myself that it's just her way to motivate me and encourage me to do well but as time passes by, these lines ricocheted into my heart over and over again that it became tattered beyond repair. It's clear. She doesn't want me. To her, I wasn't good enough. I will never be good enough. And I don't even know the reason why.

If there's something that I don't want to recall, it was this memory of my relationship with my mom. But I still believe there's hope, that our relationship was still redeemable, that it's not yet too late.

"Love, your thoughts seem so deep." Warm hands enveloped me. If there's a person that can see through me, there's no one else but Troy.

"I was just thinking about mom," I sighed. "I realized that this isn't just about the arranged marriage with the Smiths."

"Why so?"

"It seemed that mom never wanted me from the very beginning." I smiled bitterly. He led my head to lean on his shoulders as I was comforted by his silence until we arrived at our destination.