11 The Traditional Wedding

In my culture which is the IBO culture,we have what is known as the traditional wedding,this is taken very seriously that even without a white wedding,the couple are considered already married. Traditional wedding is a cultural thing where the dowry for the bride is offered by the family of the man and is accepted by the family of the woman. The dowry varies from culture to culture and can be in cash or kind or both. Some people have argued the dowry culture saying that the woman is not a possession that is been bought with money but the truth of the matter is that without this dowry payment,there is no marriage in my culture. When the dowry has been offered and accepted,great merriment follows. The bride changes her attire as much as she wants and obviously has prepared for throughout the ceremony, traditional meals are also prepared and served the community,there is a live band and lots of drinks. Traditional wedding is also typically a time when families come together and get to meet with one another after long periods apart.

My traditional wedding was perfect execot for my mum. My mum was not very cheerful throughout the whole ceremony. I did not understand why she was so dull and acting aloof. My friends and my sisters were all over me,but my mum stayed apart. I thought perhaps she was not feeling fine again but I felt she could at least have tried to be happy for me. My moms attitude marred the entire celebration for me. After the occasion and it was time for me to depart with my husband and in-laws, I was more than happy to go. By now,I already knew the kind of family I was getting into and already felt drown by what I was expected as a wife to be,that I really needed the comfort of my moms touch and words to carry me into the wedded life.

it was years after when I had let go of that hurt and asked her why she behaved the way she did during my traditional wedding that she made me know that her elder sister who she was very close to and looked up to died and was been buried that day and even though she longed to be there to pay her last respects,she could not because of my traditional wedding,and that she really tried her best to participate in the wedding ceremonies but she was so heartbroken and felt alone because of her dear sisters death.Oh my God, I had been so distracted with my new family to be that I had forgotten all about my mom and was not there for her in her time of need. I immediately recalled that she had told me then of her elder sisters death but I did not reply her message,I forgot to even call her up and console her,and there I was judging her when all she was doing was grieving for her dear sister. Hmmn, I pray to God to help me never to judge anyone for any reason at all, for most times the reason we conclude that that was why people act the way they do may not be the reason at all, we may be grossly mistaken. Again,I remember this saying, ' be kind to anyone you meet along the journey of life,for they too are carrying a load you may know nothing about.

I ended up apologising to my mom for not understanding and been there for her when she needed me. My mom in turn told me she was sorry she neglected me that day. that she had been truly happy for me and that I was the most beautiful bride ever ,and she loved me and sincerely wished me well in my new home. it was just that she had been so consumed by grief that day.

My mom is very old now and in her seventies but she is still my strong spiritual and moral support. I told her that I would one day take her to Jerusalem, to Lourdes, and to Fatima because been a devoted catholic,she has always wanted to visit these places. I pray to God to help me find the resources to fulfil these my promises to her before she dies. My dad died before I had the opportunity to do many things for him and till this day ,it still hurts like hell and I cry secretly when I consider how much I miss him, even now as I write, I am in tears..My dad was my hero,he loved me and loved all my kids,he would buy them things and spoil them with treats whenever I brought them around to visit. Even when I messed up financially,he rallied round me and raised up money for me. He always told me that I would make it in life and that someday, I would fly to that America I always wanted to go, I would jokingly tell him that except I would be put to sleep for the journey because I have a huge fear of flying. He has been dead now for seven years and is at peace. But my mom is still here and I am going to cherish every moment we have left, hope you do same for your mom too.