7 The Second Sister

My husbands second sister is about six months my younger..This one too is a choleric and also has a harsh tongue. I could have hit it off well with this one but again,that ugly tendency of wanting to lord over and in a relationship that unredeemed Cholerics have always spoiled the show. You see,I know my weaknesses and my limitations as a person,if I am ready to accommodate someone,that person should also be willing to accommodate me. Let me put it this way,if you cherish our relationship,you should be willing to work on your own weak points that upset me,as I also will be willing to tolerate your excesses. That way we can form a workable relationship. but when it is one sided and it is assumed that I have to be the one to change because I have a more amiable personality while you don't put effort to change because it is assumed that's the way you are,your personality rarely changes,then I sooner hug an explosive device, because that mix cannot work,one person will get blown up to pieces,and that person will be me and I vehemently refuse to be dragged back to the darkness that once drowned me.

What i am just trying to say is that I love this lady despite all our differences,I love all my sisters in law, but, we can never be friends. Once I tried to flow with this sister and at the end of the conversation,I was left feeling empty. It was as if the effort of trying to keep up with her and play along drained up all my energy. I have discovered over the years that with each member of a family one is married into,from the very start,relationships must be defined and boundaries set if anything meaningful is to be achieved.

I guess what also sabotaged any relationship with this sister was that she did not give us a chance to get to know ourselves. She saw me through the eyes of the elder sister and like sisters always do ,formed a conscious and an unspoken alliance with her against me.

I also am a sister in law to my elder brothers wife and one thing my three sisters and I never do is to gang up against her. We each formed our own separate relationship with her and got to know her before as a united force,we came together as sisters. We are always cautious not to do anything that will cause problem between us,and we give ourselves the opportunity to communicate freely and openly with one another so that there will be no harboured ill feelings. Even when we do disagree with one another,we make sure to call and talk it over.

My experience as a wife with my sisters in law also contributed to making me decide to make sure my brothers wife felt like family because that's what she is. We could have been friends if the second sister was kind and objective enough to take me like a sister and help try to mend the many broken bridges instead of taking sides.

Its okay really,it used to hurt like hell,especially because for a long time ,my husband never allowed me to explain myself if any misunderstanding ensued. I had to swallow my hurt feelings all the time. Perhaps it is well I said nothing much back then because I too was always too hurt to know how to clearly put my points across when asked to and frequently made a mess of things.

Time has passed and we all are now much older,I don't want at the end of my time here on earth to feel regret that I never developed any meaningful relationship with my sisters in law,that's why I don't demolish the bridge when I cross it to stay safely on the other side,I try to maintain open lines of communication so that our children don't suffer because of us. To all our credit,somehow the kids have been left out of all the family melodramas and for that,I am truly grateful. Let them form their own special bonds that will sustain them and the generations to come.

From time to time,I test the waters to see if time has opened up a more tangible space where we can all come together finally to talk and improve on our relationships with one another,but the doors are always shut tight,and as for me,I think I better let the sleeping dog lie.