15 Still the present

I cannot really say what I am feeling but I guess I am missing all my kids and especially my only daughter. I have three kids,two boys and a girl. The elder boy went off to the university last year and I was brave about his going. I remember I hugged him and prayed for him but when I was by myself,I cried my heart out. We have been and still is a close knit family and have never been separated from one another for long, but kids must go to school,they can't remain at home with their parents, they must live their lives. The younger boy is still in the boarding school and has about three years more to go so I still get to see him when he is on holidays. My only daughter just entered the university yesterday and in a place far away from our home. I miss my daughter greatly. I put up a brave face when she was going but deep down,I was crying.

I remember the years we have spent together and coming to see her so brave,so beautiful,so eager to start her own life,I am grateful to God for his mercy over her life. I will still get to see her from time to time and of course,we will always keep in touch over the phone,but it won't be the same at home without her. You may wonder what I am fussing about but my daughter has had a health challenge since she was born. We as a family have battled this sickness for the past seventeen years and it has been from one struggle to another .So many times,I thought I would lose her but God said no. Many times I thought I would go insane but God said no. Because of her peculiar challenge, my daughter never had a normal childhood or a normal life. She has always been the weak one. So seeing her so eager to live on her own for the first time in her life and actually determined to make something of her life despite all she has been through, I am so proud of her and happy to let her go,but I miss her. I still worry if she can live by herself without my support but I am willing to allow her enjoy her life the best that she can. I fear that she may have not been well prepared for the world and especially the world of men since she has never had a boyfriend like girls her age and has no experience whatsoever how to handle men and dating, but I trust God to see her through, she is after all his daughter.

I pray for her earnestly and wish her all the best,her health challenge was what I had to carry all this while alongside family troubles and partner infidelity. Most times,I wished I could end it all,but I couldn't because I want to make heaven. Am I saying that people who commit suicide will go to hell, no, I am just saying that I personally want to make heaven.

So how am I dealing with her absence? Truthfully I am not. I just bury myself in my work and turn to meditation as a way of relieving the loneliness in me. its just dawning on me that my kids are really leaving home to go and live their lives. All my life has been centred around them and now they are gradually going away,I am left with this huge void and nothing to occupy it. Honestly speaking,most women, I inclusive, use their children to fill up the space created by the turmoils they go through in their married life. When the kids eventually move away,the women are left with the question ' what do I do now'?.

At this very minute I am writing this article,I am in the hospital waiting room. A good friend of mine is undergoing an MVA procedure and I have to be there for her. I pray from my heart that all my kids and even yours too if you have them will find someone there for them in their time of need.

I think I am on the right track though. It was this same daughter of mine that introduced me to web novel. She knows I have a passion for writing and she encouraged me to start writing also on web novel. I told her that I was not sure my kind of writing would attract readership but she told me to believe in myself,step out in faith and trust that my ability will open doors for me.

So, here am I,writing and hoping that someone somewhere will find inspiration in what I am writing. I have found out that in life,the only true happiness resides in helping others in their time of need. A kind word,a warm hug,an encouraging gesture,a non judgemental attitude,a little cash to solve an urgent need,will all go a long way to save someones life and restore the joy in anothers heart.

You don't have to be a saviour,you just need to care enough.