1 Prologue

My name is Catherine and I am a woman who has not given up hope. I am now 45 years old and whenever I look back over the years,I am filled with a deep sadness,because I honestly don't know where the years went to. I am shocked because I did not know that while I was hurting,whining, and gaining weight,the years were flying past and I could not even account for what I did with them. It fills me with sorrow that all my childhood dreams have not been fulfilled and I am past my prime. I am consoled though when i remember that there are accounts of people in their old age who were still able to achieve the dreams of their youth.

When I was much younger,I used to come out at nights to gaze at the stars and make many wishes. One wish I used to make often was that God would give me a life that I could have everything I wanted, I also wished for a man who would really love me and pamper me like the foreign British princes I watched so often in films. I also prayed fervently for the opportunity to go round the world. Back then and even till now,I travel in my imagination to beautiful places and throughout the course of my life,I used this technique to escape the harsh reality of my life and to energize me to continue on with life.

Early on in life,my mother played a major role in my life. She was the one who introduced me to God. She used to take me to church along with her all the time. I remember those church years with joy because it was there that my mind was filled with tales of saints,the story of Fatima, and devotion to the blessed virgin Mary was birthed in me. I have over the years come to see that what matters in the life of one who has chosen to follow to Jesus Christ is to have a personal relationship with him,every other thing is just religion and if it does not ultimately lead to him is really not worth it.

I also remember my school years and especially the times after my late dad lost his job and we had to struggle for a very long time. I am the second of five children and the first of the three girls. I remember the long treks to school because we did not have enough money and the little we had,I did not want to be a bother to my already overburdened parents. Somehow I made it through those years and got in later into a religious group where I was for three years. That life however did not last long because it did not satisfy the deep longings in my heart to become the me I had always envisioned.

This book is about my life after the religious walls and the me that is now. One thing I know is that after it all,I am still here,i am still standing,there is still hope.