3 My parents

'Who is he and what does he do?' my dad asked me with a frown on his face. 'is this what you want Catherine?' I mean, how well do you know this man?'.

My father was worried and understandably so. He had seen me hurting when I came back from where I had been,with the religious group. He knew how vulnerable I was and even though he knew I would not stay alone forever,he just felt that it was too soon to get entangled in another relationship,

'its only been four years Catherine,are you sure you are not making another mistake?'

'Dad, four years is more than enough time to decide on what I want to do next with my life,I know you love me and don't want to see me hurt again,but this time around,i promise i will be fine.'

'well,I will certainly need to see this guy,let him come over to the house'.

'OK daddy,I will bring him to the house',.

My mum was out and had returned home so I went to meet her.

'Mum, I need you to talk to daddy about Mike,he has asked me to marry him and daddy is been difficult.'

'Don't be too harsh on your daddy,remember he loves you and is very protective of you,he is only been careful, besides,he is just knowing about Mike and can't be expected to just consent to him immediately, these things take time,give us time to do a proper investigation about Mike. Traditionally you know this is what should be done.'

'Alright mum,you both do what you must,just please mum,soften dads mind towards Mike. I really love this guy and I think he is the one'

'OK love, we will see

In Africa,when it comes to marriage,things are done differently. Basically it goes like this; you tell your parents,they see the man and assess him,they do some background check on him,they then tell you if he has passed their test,if they approve,you both can get married,if they disapprove, you both don't get married,and if you insist,they support you as family but let you know that whatever you see,you take.

My parents found nothing wrong with Mikes' background. His father was also a civil servant, he has five other siblings,he is the first born and the first boy in a family of three boys and two girls. His parents were strong Christians and they had a family building and lived comfortable lives. The one thing my dad chose to hold against the union was the fact that we are of different tribes and he wanted me to marry from our tribe if ever I chose to marry,this was so I could remain close to him.

A small insignificant matter you may say,but something that could be a major problem . Its sad but its the truth,tribal sentiments and religious affiliations still play a major role in choosing a life partner in most parts of Africa. One may fall in love but culture always often comes to play.

'if daddy does not allow me marry Mike,I will run away', so saying,I had stomped out of the house and stayed out for a very long time I could not understand why my dad would stand as an obstacle to me. When I had eventually returned back to the house,I found my parents having a deep conversation in the living room so I quietly went to my room to await them. I knew they would send for me and i was determined to have a showdown with them if need be.. As expected,they later sent for me and my dad finally gave his blessings. My mum of course was happy for me and just wanted me to be happy and if I said this would make me happy,she was ready to support me all the way.

So it was settled,I was free to marry Mike,but first,I had to meet his parents. So help me God.

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