I'm Doing Just Fine! I Lied, I Am Dying Inside.

"U-um, Uraraka? Can I ask you something?" Deku suddenly said, lifting is head only slightly to free his lips from the straw. He looked dead tired, like he hadn't slept a wink in the week since his return and he had been just as lethargic as if that were exactly the case. He had barely said anything even during class and Ochako lit up as he finally tried to start a conversation on his own.

"Sure!"

Deku's eyes flickered about, making sure no one else was near them in the lunchroom before he propped himself up fully. "I have a theoretical question. I-it might sound weird but I j-just was thinking about . . ." He trailed off as he rubbed his eyes sleepily and he began to slouch again, too exhausted to keep himself seated properly, "l-like I don't want to sound offensive o-or accusatory but. . ."

Ochako cocked her head and she snapped her fingers in front of his face to knock him out of it. He had been doing that a lot more lately. He had always been a mutterer but lately he had devolved into low, unintelligible rantings that only Jirou could really make out. And Jirou wouldn't tell Ochako what he was saying. When she had asked the punk had scoffed, "it's obvious that he can't really keep himself from blabbing and it's not stuff he goes around talking about normally. It's like listening to someone's diary and I'm not spilling a damn thing." Which made moral sense but god if it wasn't frustrating.

"Ask away, Deku!"

He rubbed the dark shadow under his eyes again and he smiled weakly. "Um . . . you said that y-you want to be a hero t-to support your family, right?"

"Yeah?"

W-well . . . and I'm just wondering . . . how come you want to be a hero, then? There are a lot of ways-to make more money? Like . . . y-you could even be a-a . . . a villain?" He said with a nervous fidget.

Ochako laughed and Deku jumped a little in his seat. She shook her head when he looked at her and explained, "I mean sure, there are lots of jobs that pay more but those are all out of my reach. I can't sing or act so I can't be a star and I don't have any kind of mind for being a CEO or something. Besides, you've said so yourself. My quirk is unusual and there isn't another hero with one like it! Aside from 13 with the whole 'space theme' but I don't think that counts."

Deku rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. "O-oh, I didn't mean to imply . . . y-you couldn't or . . . um." He coughed nervously and started to suck down his smoothie so he could stop talking. His eyes were flitting nervously from her face to his untouched plate before he perked up. "b-but what about being a-a villain? They make more money than heroes do."

"Yeah, until they get caught. I can't bring that kind of shame to my family! That wouldn't support Mom and Dad at all. And anyway, I really don't want to make a profit on hurting others."

"Oh," Deku said. He started chewing on the end of his straw, rolling the plastic between his teeth.

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I know you're not in it for the money and you implied that you wanted status so, you know, you could get fame as a super villain too! So did you ever think about being a villain?" Deku blinked a few times, as if having the question turned on him was the absolute last thing he had expected. He chuckled suddenly and looked sheepishly at her.

"It's like you said, Uraraka. W-who wants to make a profit hurting others? I never wanted to hurt anyone a-and that's the difference between heroes and villains, right?" He smiled weakly at her before his eyes glazed over and he began to stare into empty space again. Ochako wanted to press him for an actual answer but he just looked so . . . tired. Like at any moment he might crumble away. It struck Ochako as odd that a boy with such a destructive quirk could look so fragile.

"Hey sleepyhead," she teased lightly as she snapped her fingers again. Deku jumped a little and muttered something she couldn't really hear before he started rubbing at his eyes again. "C'mon, we'll be late for class and then we'll defiantly be disqualified for class president!"

"Uh, I don't want to get elected, remember?" Deku said with a little smile.

"Then I guess I have to convince you to vote for me!" She laughed, missing entirely how Deku grinned genuinely at her then, the first time he didn't have to force it in nearly a week.

"I'll k-keep it in mind, Uraraka."

XXX

"You think I could be a super villain?"

"What're you, six? That's stupid. Heh. You'll be a criminal mastermind though. I don't want to come up with plans, I just want to have fun in my new world." Tomura threw his arms wide and Izuku ducked under one of his waved hands before he could get smacked in the face. "You're going to take Sensei's job after he's finished giving you his quirk."

"I'm n-not teaching you anything, Tomura. You're older than me."

"Ugh, no. If you try I'll break your fucking face," Tomura snarled, "but I don't want to make plans, I don't want to think things through!"

"So I'm the brains of this operation?"

"Are you quoting something? You sound like you're quoting something." Izuku raised his hands sheepishly and laughed. He ducked through the crowed so he was walking backwards in front of Tomura with his arms folded behind him. People had to shift out of is way and grumbled about the rude boys in ratty clothing but they were soundly ignored. "Don't quote things I don't know about!"

"Sorry," Izuku said, "but really, that's what you want? You know I'm still going to be a hero, right?" There was something forced about Izuku's smile and his exhaustion-bruised eyes betrayed his doubt. Tomura covered his hands with two fingers and he giggled shrilly. Izuku made a sour face. "Don't. I get enough of that from Kurogiri."

"Whatever you say, shrimpy," Tomura was still giggling, and he started scratching at the side of his neck, "you're almost as fucked up as I am, though." Izuku actually glowered at him that time.

"Y-yeah? Well so what?"

"Dumb ass," Tomura said. He reached out and hooked his thumbs against the corners of Izuku's lips, forcing him to smile. "You know no one lets fucked up kids be heroes. Damaged goods – only mentally sound people get to be heroes. Sure they're training you now but unless you think you can fake your psych evaluation. . ." Tomura giggled, "but you know all of those people have psychic type quirks."

"Your fingers taste like dirt," Izuku said as he jerked his chin back, "and I know you have lotion. As your, uh, designated life planner I'm going to make you use it." He sped up a little so he was out of arm's reach, but that also made people more likely to walk into him.

"Oh, designated planner? Is that what we're calling criminal masterminds now?" Tomura started scratching at the other side of his neck as he giggled. That got more than a few off looks cast in his direction but they were speaking softly enough that no one could really hear him. He had learned long ago that if he spoke freely in the open Izuku would flip his shit and cause a scene.

Finally Izuku did fall in line with him again, keeping his hands behind his back as he tapped his fingers nervously. "I'm hungry. You think chocolate bananas are out of season?"

"I hate those."

"Okay but do you think we c-can get them anyway?" Tomura grumbled and shrugged.

"I don't have any fucking money, do you?"

"Oh. No . . ." Izuku slouched a little. "C-can we go back to the bar, then? Kurogiri keeps promising to m-make me beef bowl. Or, uh, for both of us. You like gyudon, right?"

"Whatever."

Despite his flippant attitude, Tomura changed his direction to head back to the bar, and he slid out his phone to send off a quick text to Kurogiri. In a matter of seconds he got 'I'm not Izuku's babysitter' quickly followed up by 'hurry back, I'm getting started now.' Tomura grunted and pocketed his phone again, but didn't say a word of it to Izuku.

They knew the bar, it was like home to the both of them and without thinking their feet led them in the right direction with little guidance. Something was wrong with Izuku, though. As they walked he got slower and slower and his shaggy hair hung around his face as his shoulders slumped. By the time they were a block away he was a full arms length behind Tomura and he looked like he was slogging through molasses. Tomura didn't even notice when he stopped until he was more than five meters away, and that was only because he stopped hearing an echo of his footsteps.

He turned to look back at Izuku, and was surprised to see the boy was almost doubled over, his hands over his face as he trembled furiously. Tomura blinked and hesitantly walked back to him, but as soon as he stood before him Izuku collapsed to his knees and began to sob. Ah, fuck. Tomura cleared his throat nervously and he sank into a crouch. He didn't know what to say. Tomura was the one who had melt downs while Izuku took care of him, he didn't know what to do in the reverse.

Luckily, Izuku was still the talkative one. "Do you mean it?" He finally choked out.

"Uh. . . probably?" Tomura ducked his head to look at the child's but Izuku was hiding himself behind his hands.

"A-am I r-really too fucked up t-to be a hero now? Am I really d-damaged?"

"Uh. Yeah. Normal people don't cry in the middle of the streets." That seemed to upset Izuku even more and he started crying even harder. Tomura balked, he leaned back a little and started nervously scratching at the side of his neck again. "well hey, I'm too fucked up to be a he-"

"But you never WANTED to be one!" Izuku screamed. Like, he actually screamed. Tomura didn't think he had ever heard Izuku scream at him before. Tomura had no idea how to get him to stop screaming. "I . . . I b-broke m-myself. I . . c-can't. E-everything I wanted – why did I do this t-to myself?"

"Er, you want me to get Kurogiri?" Tomura asked and Izuku nodded without looking up. "Okay." He left Izuku crumpled on the sidewalk and made his way to the bar. He was only inside for about five minutes before a warp opened on the street before Izuku like a heavy shadow. He could feel it but he couldn't look up. Even as he saw polished shoes take the place of where Tomura's oversized red ones had been seconds ago.

Izuku didn't know what Kurogiri was expecting but after a minute two hands scooped him up and he was held close to the shadow man's chest. Izuku clang to his shirt as he buried his face in the smoke, comforted in the distinctly non-fleshy give of it. "Izuku, what's wrong?" Kurogiri asked softly.

"I – I did th-this, I can't b-be a – a – I . . ."

"Just breathe," Kurogiri soothed. He stood, lifting Izuku with him. Automatically, Izuku wrapped his arms and legs around him like a baby otter.

Even after they had used a warp to get back to the bar Izuku stubbornly refused to let go when Kurogiri tried to dislodge him. Eventually Kurogiri just sat down in one of the booths and managed to shift Izuku into the seat next to him, even as he clung on tight. Almost as soon as he sat down, Tomura was across from on the other side of the booth, nervously scratching.

"What's wrong with him?"

Kurogiri shrugged and just fell into rubbing between Izuku's shoulder blades, waiting as Izuku bawled his eyes out. "What were you two doing when this happened?"

It was Tomura's turn to shrug. "I told him damaged people couldn't be heroes and he freaked out like . . . twenty minutes later. But he brought it up again so I think that's what got him all . . . that." There was blood welling up under his fingernails now. He had stopped scratching and was just digging his fingers into old scars, little white croissant moon shaped marks that would be even paler and larger after the day ended.

Kurogiri sighed and looked down at Izuku, who was pretending like he hadn't heard the exchange. Or maybe he really hadn't heard, he was bawling like the world was collapsing around him. And, Kurogiri supposed, that wasn't really that far off.

He leaned down and lightly commanded, "Izuku, I need you to concentrate on my breathing right now." It took a concerted effort to actually make his own breathing visible but it was worth it, after a few seconds Izuku started trying to match the pattern through his tears. "Okay, good. Just focus on breathing as best you can."

He waited until the boy seemed like he wasn't on the verge of passing out. "Now I need you to recite the alphabet backwards. You can do it in your head if you want. But keep breathing with me." Izuku had calmed down enough to nod curtly but he remained silent.

A minute ticked by. "Uh. Is he okay yet?" Tomura asked and Kurogiri shook his head. Another minute. "He said he was hungry." Kurogiri didn't say anything. Another minute. "You know what I'm going to make sure nothing's burning."

Tomura slid out of his seat and high tailed it into the back room, apparently self aware enough to know he was likely to exacerbate Izuku's panic attack rather than calm him down. Kurogiri waited another few minutes, listening to Izuku's raspy breathing slowly level out without any trace of sobbing before he finally asked, "do you want to tell me what happened?"

Izuku stiffened a little, his hands tightening on his suit before Izuku slowly sat back. His face was blotchy and red, and shimmered with tears. If he could bring himself to look up Kurogiri was certain he would have seen Izuku's eyes were bloodshot. "I . . . when I was little I always thought t-that if I wanted something bad enough I-I could do it. I thought that w-without a quirk I c-could change the world. A-and now . . . I never wanted to think things would stop being simple. When did this happen? W-when did I lose the potential t-to be a hero?"

They had had this conversation before, Kurogiri thought. He sighed. Children really had a hard time understanding things. He had never, in all his life, thought he would think Tomura had been comparatively easy to care for but here he was.

"Izuku, I don't know who told you growing up was going to be simple. The world isn't simple, and things that seemed clear when you were young become murky as you gain more understanding," Kurogiri said, "but it's like your first quirk, Izuku. Things must be destroyed before you are remade into a superior whole."

"I-I'm being destroyed?"

"Isn't that what it feels like?"

Izuku had nothing to say to that.

"Why do you think you lost the potential to be a hero?"

"T-Tomura said it. I didn't realize – or I guess I just didn't want to think about it – but he was right. Heroes are always so . . . high. Great. They're like beacons of light no one c-can look directly at. It's like they're untouchable. They're supposed t-to be unbreakable and . . . and I'm not. I feel l-like I'm a disaster!"

" . . . Izuku. You're a smart kid." Izuku looked a little surprised at the sudden compliment, and baffled that it had been delivered like an insult. "You think that way about heroes because you're told that's what you're supposed to think. There is not a single person on this earth who is incapable of having self doubt. Those children you go to school with, do they seem like they are untouchable to you?"

After a pause Izuku shook his head.

"But when they are heroes no one but their team mates will see them afraid or weak. To the rest of the world they will be unbreakable forces. Do you really think the people you see every day will become that? If anything the traits you see in your classmates will grow with time, not vanish away. And, if you think about it most civilians would say something similar about All for One and Tomura too but you don't because you know them. It's just a trick, Izuku. Even the greatest hero in the world has felt the way you do now."

"A-and you?"

"Of course. But not for a long time. It does get better, Izuku."

Izuku scrubbed his face with the back of his sleeve as he leaned away finally. "Kurogiri. Y-you said that . . . the first time you killed another person . . . it was hard. W-was that the last time y-you felt like this?"

"No," Kurogiri answered honestly.

"W-well when . . ?"

"When my daughter died."

Izuku looked stunned. Whatever answer he had expected, that was not it. Kurogiri smiled down at Izuku and he ruffled the boy's hair fondly. "You don't need to know everything right now, Izuku. Just focus on taking things one step at a time until you know what you want. It's okay for you to feel broken, and honestly I think it's an important part of growing up. You won't be able to learn how to cope otherwise."

Izuku hunched over the counter, glaring down at the wood grain. He was silent, but in a familiar way. Tears were not coming any time soon and Kurogiri thought it was safe to rise from his seat. "Tomura has been left alone with lunch for far too long, please remain here and think things over until lunch is ready." Izuku didn't move, as if Kurogiri's words had fallen on deaf ears but there wasn't a doubt in his mind that Izuku would still be there when he got back.

XXX

Inko had been asking after the girl who had been so nice as to bring Izuku his homework since the day he had come back, always wanting to know how she was doing and what she was like in class. It was easier to talk to her son about things that didn't involve him directly, and after a few false starts she finally got him to open up about his school.

He told her that the girl, Uraraka, had an anti gravity quirk and that he thought she could be one of the most popular heroes of their year, especially since she had tied with a girl named Yaoyorozu in the vote for class president. How it was possible for there to be TWO class presidents Inko didn't understand but apparently their teacher had an unquenchable apathy and the girls kept throwing the same hand in rock paper scissors until the class got collectively bored.

That led into Izuku talking about his other friend, Iida. He had sort of insisted his way into being vice president after the rest of the class stopped caring and Izuku kept giggling as he told his mother about it over dinner. He imitated all of Iida's speeches theatrically, but fondly, and had gushed to her about how he had an identical quirk to his older brother who was already a pro hero. As he talked he casually mentioned other names and he spoke freely when Inko asked him about who those people were, willingly talking to her for the first time in years.

Jirou was a girl with an earphone jack quirk who was often with Yaoyorozu – but she was also good friends with Kaminari who had an electrical quirk. They had been paired together for some activity and Izuku was almost bouncing in his seat as he chattered away about how they made a great team, and how well they could pair off as a superhero duo (they even had compatible looking costumes! How cool was that!?). The other great team had been Todoroki and Shouji, although he doubted that Todoroki was the type to want to pair up. But that led into talking about a Tokoyami who was just SO COOL MOM he has a SHADOW based quirk, that's so rare! Did you know that most-

Over the course on a single dinner Inko had learned more about what her son was up to from her son directly than she had in all his years of required schooling collectively. Outside of Katsuki Izuku spoke freely about all of his classmates, admiring them and speaking confidentially about their futures. When he helped her wash dishes he had even asked if he could invite Uraraka and Iida over before an important test they had since only Iida seemed to have a natural talent for physics. Inko almost burst into tears when he asked, and Izuku became a stuttering mess in his attempt to figure out what he had done wrong.

All Inko could do was throw her arms around her son say, "oh o-of course you can, sweetie! I would love t-to have your friends over."

XXX

"Do we HAVE to kill him? Like, I get the whole symbol thing but wouldn't it be more effective to like. Just sort of. Stop him from being a symbol?"

"UUUGGHHHHH why do you care?" Tomura whined but he was firmly ignored. Unsurprisingly by Izuku, more surprisingly by Sensei. Maybe that was to be expected though, Izuku was sitting as close to the webcam as possible and it was very likely that all Sensei was able to see of the room was a big green eye and a freckled cheek.

"I mean if we kill them then he's a martyr! R-right? Everyone would know him a-as a hero who laid down his life to stop t-the league-us a-and then we'll have even more heroes on us. W-wouldn't it b-be better t-to just discredit him? M-make the people of Japan turn on him? A-and then he can still be my teacher!"

"That sounds incredibly cruel," Kurogiri mentioned idly from the bar. He was also ignored.

"No, it sounds BORING! I just want to kill him! Come oooonnnnnnn Izuku!" Tomura was being dramatic, acting like he was about to melt through the floor if he didn't get some attention soon. Izuku reached behind his back and waved both of them off with a gesture that Sensei could not see.

On the screen, Sensei leaned back and folded his fingers together as he contemplated. "And how would we do that, Izuku? What could make Japan turn against their beloved All Might?"

Izuku opened his mouth but nothing came out. He pressed his lips together and tried to come up with a way in his head but . . . but nothing he came up with seemed to be a good enough reason to turn on the legend. He was remarkably scandal free, remarkably charming, remarkably heroic and the whole world knew it. Anything they could dig up on him would only make the people of Japan love him more, and anything they made up would be discredited in a matter of hours by his fans. Which Izuku still was.

. . . That was unrelated to his current attempt to get them to not kill his teacher.

"W-well . . ." Izuku ducked his head a little. "I-I just . . . don't understand. You know he's my teacher and I need him. For teaching me stuff? I know it's selfish b-but I don't get why he needs to be killed t-to move on w-with the plan." He knew he was being selfish. He knew he had no right to be. Part of the conditions of him going to high school was that he had to be prepared to leave everything at the drop of a hat to assist Tomura, and he had known that the plans would proceed regardless of his own actions. He just . . . didn't have a date then. It was long off idea, not something that would happen within the week. Now it was real. Now it was something he had to prepare for and Izuku found himself not prepared.

"Izuku," Sensei said. His voice was not unkind, but it was stern and firm, "have I told you about All Might's quirk?" The worry and stress that had been carved into Izuku's face dissolved in an instant, replaced by confusion and curiosity. The boy seemed to mull it over, and his gaze darted down and to the left, if All for One were to guess he was flipping through his All Might notes to make sure this wasn't some test he was at risk of failing. Izuku was wise enough to know what he knew, though, which was an impressive feat for such a young man. After a few seconds All for One heard him flip his notebook shut and he turned to look at the webcam again. He was trying to look restrained but his eyes burned with a hunger for new information and Sensei would have smiled if the muscles in his cheeks hadn't recently been cut out.

"No? It's a strength enhancement, right?" Izuku said, going for the safest guess though his eyes betrayed that he knew he was guessing incorrectly.

"In a way. It's part a strength collection quirk, one that I gifted to my brother, and part my brother's own quirk." Izuku blinked and cocked his head in bafflement and Sensei went on, "he named it 'One for All'. It is a quirk with no inherent abilities other than it can be passed down from person to person, and with each new person it becomes stronger."

"All Might i-is your brother?"

Sensei actually chucked at that one. Izuku was enraptured and he was very nearly sitting atop his laptop as he listened, as though he could reach across the screen and devour the information his master was teasing him with. He was far too easy to foster greed in. "No, he is the eighth inheritor of my brother's quirk and it has been a thorn in my side for as many generations. My life will soon end, and before All Might has a chance to choose a successor he must be eliminated. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life fighting the ninth, tenth, eleventh, and beyond holders of One for All."

"No, he does not want to do that," Tomura volunteered from behind Izuku, and the boy waved him off furiously without looking away from the screen.

"A-a quirk like that exists? That's unheard of! B-but it foils All For one perfectly. Amazing, so it compiles the strength of everyone who has it? D-does that mean in a physical sense? Or does that mean it has other components if it's all passed down? It must be physical I don't know if s-strength of character could be quantified like that. But it would be amazing to be able to hold eight people worth of understanding in one mind! Oh, but what about other quirks? All Might has only ever displayed strength but d-does he have more?"

"No, it has only ever been given to people born quirkless." Izuku nodded as he pressed his thumb to the skin just under his lower lip. He flipped open his quirk notebook and began to scribble notes frantically.

"Does that mean it can only be passed to quirkless people? You a-and I can hold multiple quirks because of All for One but a-a normal human would just become a noumu w-with enough quirks to cause mutation. And how is it passed on? I-is it the way Sensei gives quirks? That does explain why All Might has never actually said what his quirk is if it's something so complicated. If it was out people would be scrambling over each other to try to get it from him. And that must mean All Might was born quirkless too? He must have been! I-I wish I could ask him about it but there's no way I could know about that sort of thing." Izuku raised his head again, pausing in his scribbling, "could I take his quirk?"

"No, unfortunately. I tried that several times over the years but it would appear that it can only be willingly given. But do you understand now, Izuku? All Might must die as a symbol, and his quirk must die with him." Izuku paused in his writing as he raised his head. His fingers had grown tight on his pen and he pressed his tongue against his cheek. He had been so excited about gaining new information that everything else had just been shoved into the back of his head. "If he does become a martyr then it will be your duty to crush all those who would follow him until Tomura's world has been forged."

Izuku glanced over his shoulder and nodded before he looked back. His eyes still shown with hunger and greed for more information, but it was suddenly tempered with affection. Izuku swallowed audibly and licked his lips before he nodded firmly. "If that's what it will take t-then I'll do it. Just tell me what you need from me, Sensei, and I'll m-make sure that it happens!"

Determination was etched across his face and it was clear he meant it. Even if he had to kill All Might himself, he would do his best. He would crush his own fragile morality if need be and All for One was pleased with the progress. Who knew training to be a hero was exactly what Izuku needed to come around fully to the right side? It certainly was unexpected. And it was satisfying that Izuku had come to an understanding about his own priorities.

"I think it is time to give you the rest of All for One, then."

Izuku went bug eyed. "Wh-what? Seriously!?"

"Don't be so surprised. Your body has acclimated wonderfully to my power and you will need to be at full strength for this attack. I will not be giving you any of my other quirks, you must assimilate what you can at the speed your body can handle but I am more than confident you are prepared for this."

For the first time in a long time Izuku's eyes were brimming with happy tears. "Thank you, Sensei," he said, not trying to hide the wonder in his tone. He blinked furiously as he fought tears from welling up in his huge green eyes.

"Have Kurogiri warp you to the lab in an hour. Not the warehouse – I'm at the one downtown."

"Yes Sensei!" Izuku said, as he bowed. He had been right. This child was already mature enough for the role he had been given. With a casual flick of his wrist the screen went black, leaving All for One sitting alone in his dark lair, reflecting on the image of Izuku's absolute delight. With any luck his happiness now would make it easier to betray his classmates on Monday.

. . . Or maybe not, since as soon as Izuku got over to the lab he began to suggest that if they REALLY wanted to crush All Might doing something more public might be ideal. After all, there was an internationally televised Sports Festival that All Might himself was supposed to be the master of ceremonies and if they could break the Symbol of Peace so publicly, wouldn't that be an even greater tragedy?

It amused All for One. Izuku had much to learn but he was already so ambitious! He had truly grown to be a fine young man, one worthy to usher in Shigaraki Tomura's new era and it made him almost regret that he would never get the chance to see it.