Tears and Smile.

(Let's hear it from Violet's perspective from now on.)

As I started walking from the cafe my mind went blank except for those repeated words that I kept hearing, "Am I still not enough? Am I still not good enough? Am I .." I stopped walking, wiped out my tears, looked up and it looked as if the Sun was smiling at me. I let out a smile. And one could definitely tell it looked weak.

"Time to go home.",I thought and took a bus. The travel seemed longer than ever. I just wanted to get home ASAP and fall asleep I don't give a damn about anything.

After reaching home I took a long shower (yeah right cried there too) and laid on my bed staring at the ceiling. I grabbed my teddy, tossed and turned, hugging it tight. I started crying again and fell asleep before I could realise.

I woke up and reached out for my mobile to look at the time. The screen displayed,"9:17 PM". There were few missed calls and lots of unread texts from a particular contact. I turned off the screen and put the mobile aside.

"Oh, you woke up!" Mom came in asking.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. I know you have to work but You have to take care of your health too.", She said with a concerned tone.

"Alright Mom I will.." I said.

"Dinner is ready, now eat"

"Okayy"

After dinner I went to the porch to get some air. I walked back and forth with lots of thoughts on my mind. "Of course! This ain't gonna be easy!", I thought. Well I knew this from the beginning duh! I thought I could handle it but it's a little difficult than what I thought.

Suddenly I craved to draw something.

That happens a lot to me. Sometimes it's in the middle of the night and I'd wake up from sleep wanting to draw something. Drawing always helped me with my moods. Drawing takes me to a different world. A world where I feel safe.. peaceful.. with no worries and no other thoughts.. the place where I feel like I can be myself. Because that's my own world and I don't need to satisfy anyone's requirements. I don't have to do things for others. I do things for me there.

It had been so long since I drew for myself - the irony lol. Oh yeah I'm a computer graduate and a part time illustrator. As I didn't have leisure time I couldn't draw something other than my illustrations for work.

I started drawing outline of whatever that striked on my mind. I thought to leave it black and white but changed my mind. I added some pleasant background colours and highlighted the painting. It's done now!

I took a good look at the painting. It was a girl's back view pose, her face slightly looking back. Eyes closed with a smile. The painting can mean both things according to the viewer's perspective. The viewer can either think of it as a lonely girl standing with a blank mind or a girl who has determined to do something big 'Cause the smile she had meant like she had things figured out.

I thought the latter.