13 The Outer God #1

The darkness I was in was different. It wasn't quiet.

Like I was deaf and blind in the universe before the big bang. It was just the I, a hazy void and a deformed figure of malformed bony limbs, like a rejected dark souls boss.

"So you're the shittiest player in the game?" It scratched its head and opened three jaundiced eyes on its arm.

"What? Fuck you. I'm doing just fine." I felt my pride sink.

It sighed that long deep sigh that I had felt so much in my life. Counselors, bosses, teachers, and parents. Now, even my fellow gamers and this dollar-store Cthulhu.

"Did you just call me a dollar store Cthulhu in your... actually, that's fair. Alright, listen, I'm not here to split hairs. You have and will have the worst stats in the entire game. So make a deal with me, and I'll save you from yourself."

"What do you want?" I crossed my arms.

"The lives of those you hold dear."

"Uhh.. you sure? I can't pay that because I don't hold anyone dear." I spoke, more than willing to write a blank cheque for the lives of my relatives.

"Wow, that's just sad." It read my mind.

"I know. Do you want Craig or the squeaker instead?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Really? I'm offering..."

"I'm okay," It projected its voice from its numerous gaping mouths, then rolled its many eyes.

"So... do I just get cheat powers for free, then?"

"I can't believe it, but yeah. Please don't die quickly, though. I hate to do this again with the next moron that comes along."

"Wait, explain."

"Yesterday, the 12 shitiest players in the game died next to each other. One by one, I saw them get owned at Playerkill gorge, at the home of the imitator miniboss."

"What?"

"Anyways, they all sacrificed each other for my powers, then immediately died afterward. The imitator killed seven, and I killed five."

"Wow, okay, that took a turn. Can I ask about the imitator?"

"He fucking sucks, don't worry about it." The thing waved its skin flaps. Then I was disappearing again, my ethereal and corporeal body fighting for my conscience.

"He killed 103 of us," I yelled.

"107 of you deserved to die," the thing laughed, and for a moment, I glimpsed the entire cosmos.