7 Goblinsville #1

"Alright, swear you'll be cool? I'm Gordon, by the way." The polite man tried to shake my hand. He was a dirty, outdoorsy-looking fellow in his mid-twenties. On his lips, he had the worst pedo-stache I had ever seen.

"Got you, fam." I finger-gunned him.

"So we were starving to death, and we chanced upon a cave. Inside, there were sleeping goblin children. So we gob-knapped them and turned them into stew."

"Seems reasonable," I responded. So my soup was probably mashed goblin bones and groundwater, and a chill suddenly went down my spine.

Perhaps a sense of foreboding?

"So as Lee over here was, ahem, preparing them, by the way, that's why he is level six, it happened." Gordon finally averted his gaze.

"Wait, where is this going?" I tilted my head in confusion.

"Oh no... please don't kill me! Ahh! Brother, wake up! Are you... skinning him?" The shrill-voiced teenager mimicked, now revealing himself to be that squeaker from chapter one.

"Oh fuck" I whimpered.

"Yeah, it turns out we murdered NPCs, so now there's a massive bounty on our heads." Gordon furrowed his eyebrows.

"How much?" I asked.

"500 gold pieces each."

"Sounds doable"

"And they want to cut our dicks off."

"What do you need dicks for? There are no women down here."

"Fuck. You got a point there. Let's turn ourselves in." Gordon sighed.

"Oh, hell no." Joining our conversation, The big-boned one formed a protective posture around his privates.

"Craig, we should've just eaten you." Lee, the gaunt old Chinese guy, spoke in perfect English.

"Wait, did he just..."

"Yeah, it comes and goes." Gordon scratched his head too.

Craig got up indignantly and resigned himself to his fate. Oh wait, he was the guy who tried to tackle the agent.

"Wait, weren't you that guy whose family threw a fiesta at your funeral?" Gordon, Craig, and the squeaker stated in unison, remembering the balloon animals, clown DJ, and festive music that was supposed to be my send-off.

"Yeah, that's a long story. By the way, if there's a penile code riding on your asses, there must be law. Is there a civilization?" I asked, sparks igniting in my eyes.

"Yeah, there's a Goblinsville."