1 Ch. 1 - Lose It

The sky was grey, but the trees were glimmering along the edges of their leaves with white street lights. They were dim, but they were bright enough so that she could see so they were bright enough to walk along the streets with. At least, that's what Rae believed, the thoughts passing by as her head ducked into the plump scarf wrapped around her neck. On the white rubber of her boots were polka dotted rainbow pastels and every once in a while she stretched her feet out of her way to step into pooled in dips on the sidewalk, staring down at her feet with glazed eyes as the droplets slid off the slick material.

There was only her and the quiet Earth for the small walk home from the gas station, crinkling bag swinging airly in sync with her awkwardly chopped gait.

That lasted only a moment, uncomfortable yellow light crowding her eyes as she walked up the driveway to her front door. She pulled the white hood from over her head and didn't bother letting a sigh out before knocking quietly. It was just a courtesy, really — for herself, that is. Last time she didn't knock the scene in the living room from the doorway was more... graphic, than she would've liked to ever see. She really wished her roommate had a little more common decency — but all the common decency she truly cared about was if they paid their part of the rent. They did. So she was good.

Before the chance to pull the house key from her boot presented itself, from a crack opened up in the door the two residents shared a look and a friendly smile. The door to the place opened with a quick creek to the half-naked figure of Tre; he was tall, pasty, and bending over himself as he leaned against the door. He seemed slightly out of it from the distant, bubbled look in his eyes and how the corner of his mouth slipped so casually upwards at the sight of Rae. The girl knew that was the case, since her trip out in the post-storm weather had been to get him some Aspirin for the definite hangover she didn't want to hear him complaining about in the morning.

"Hey," Tre said, sultry and seductive as a greeting could be said. The intimate look in his eyes was enough to make any girl swoon, and Rae had to push past him into the house so that he couldn't see it have the same effect on her.

"Whatcha' got there, lady?"

She clutched the bag harder and pulled it to her chest as she continued wordlessly into the house. She put the bottle in the safety of her own room and made her way back to Tre who had found a good place to hang his body over the couch and stare at the ceiling. It would've been funny watching him slump over all the furniture if it weren't so terrible.

"You know, I think you're really cute. You don't want me?" Tre's eyes were still swaying on the boring grey of the ceiling as he spoke those words, a blessing for Rae who's face had made itself into an alarm. The pale of her cheeks felt like they were burning.

"Tre, you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"Tre. You are drunk."

Becoming increasingly irritated, he tried to swing himself up and onto his feet but his faltering coordination didn't allow for the swift action and he toppled over.

Rae was a good distance away from him and simply watched him meet the ground.

"Fuck. OK, what if I wasn't drunk?"

He was looking up at her desperately like he dearly wanted her to say — Of course I want you, Tre, you're handsome and funny and I have to notice those things everyday because we live together — but of course, those words didn't come out. They couldn't. It would just end up with him fucking and discarding her and that was definitely not what she wanted.

She didn't know what she wanted, but she wanted more than that.

She walked over to him, kneeling and pulling his arm over her shoulder to help him stand.

"Come on, let's get you to bed."

He let most of his weight fall on her and smiled smugly. The smell of cheap beer was more potent on his tongue than anywhere else in the room. She noticed as he asked her if the mention of a bed was her admission to wanting to sleep with him.

She threw him down on his bed and shut the door behind herself.

At least he won't have the energy to tease me in the morning.

She went back to her room, poured some pills into her hands, and placed them in plain view on the kitchen counter for when he woke up in the morning. Coy as she could play, it still hurt knowing how simply he felt about her — you're really cute, you don't want me? — when she was capable of feeling more complexly about him. Maybe it was just the alcohol simplifying his intentions, or maybe she was hoping for too much. She coiled her palm firmly around the cool knob of the front door with her forehead pressed against the frame, holding the position until the knob became warm under her touch.

It was easier to just escape the situation temporarily and clear her head with some fresh air. She opened the door silently and stepped out into the cold.

Darkness was abundant in clumps along the sidewalks, maybe not the best time to go out for a nice stroll in the admittedly sketchy neighborhood — Rae had taken glimpses down alleyways and into fairly hidden sections of the public parks, paling — but she wasn't unprotected and didn't plan to give up her right to take walks when she wanted to in favor of fear. It was likely the ignorance of growing up in a small country town that drove her to short outings like this constantly, but she wouldn't be able to outgrow the intimacy with nature that seeped into her bones, demanding the frequent outings anyway.

Vaguely alert and intensely trying to clear her head, Rae pushed her chin into her scarf and her hands into her pockets. It wasn't until a small moan ahead of her pulled her out of herself that she noticed a man sitting on the inner edge of the sidewalk, bent over himself with his back pressed against a tall streetlight.

First thought: Oh God.

Part one of that thought: What did I just stumble onto?

Second part of that thought: What should I do?

Rae froze in her tracks, then started to shift from one foot to another as the man in the central focus of the light coughed harshly, still except from the shaking of his chest and recoil of his body. Then he sat dormant again.

She decided to call out to him first, warily.

"Sir, are you alright?"

He didn't move, didn't seem to breath as she stared at him with increasing worry, and she stepped forward, calling out again — louder and more urgent.

"Sir? Are you hurt?"

No response still, so she rushed towards him — assuming the worst in that instant of panic, in this shady neighborhood — and kneeled by his side. He wore a plain grey sweater and baggy jeans that stretched out on the sidewalk ahead of him, likely to have made Rae trip if she hadn't noticed him on the ground somehow. His head was tilted to his lap, but his features were still semi-visible. He looked about the same age as her?

She thrust two fingers to a wrist, his palms turned upwards for open access. At least she assumed. As her touch found its way on his skin to feel for a regular pulse the man's eyes shot open and his other hand moved to reach for Rae's arm. He was slow, though, too slow to latch onto her before she pulled back from him.

The man lifted his chin very slightly to meet the woman's eyes better, his arm dropped to his lap, and he let out a shaky breath. Rae was quick to pull out the knife from her boot and had her hand pointed toward the man, thumb pressed firmly into the heel of the blade before he had the chance to breath out.

"Don't — don't touch me."

Rae looked from the weapon she hurriedly whipped out to the man again. There was a shadow of pain cast over his features, fatigue in his motions and posture, and a desperate-ness in his soft, squinting brown eyes that was somewhat disarming. The straight of her blade faltered.

"What do you mean? You're hurt, I want to get you to a hospital," Rae lowered her weapon further until the tip touched the concrete of the sidewalk, "Do you have a phone on you? If you give it to me, I can call an ambulance for you."

He started to breath harder, rapidly for a few seconds and Rae remarked in her head that of course she left her phone home today of all days, when she wanted to go on a walk in the middle of the night like an idiot. When someone was hurt on the side of the road, helplessly.

After a small breathing fit, the man shook his head weakly.

"No cops, I'm —" his breath lapsed for a sting of pain that shot through him, "I'm fine. Leave me. I'm fine."

His head bobbed and with a weak flip it rested back against the pole of metal that supported him. The clear portrait that presented itself to Rae from the new position startled her inwardly, though she kept a solid focus in her eyes for the man. He didn't seem to be that much older than her, no more than 25 and that was kind of pushing it. She'd assumed he was an injured homeless person at first, but his plea about the cops, the cut that stretched along the side of his neck, and his age suggested something else.

Of course there's gang activity around here too.

She still couldn't just leave him to die. Even if it felt stupid to get involved with him at all.

"Where are you hurt? I can get you to a gas station and patch you up," The man perked up imperceptibly at the offer, it's attractiveness to him noticeable, "As long as you can promise me no one is coming after you right now."

She wasn't about to die getting jumped because she helped a stranger.

He huffed and looked past her, "No, they're done with me for tonight."

For tonight.

Rae took in a sharp breath, having already made up her mind to help the man. She heaved him up, letting him lean on her shoulders as she secured him with a hand on his side. They took small steps, often stalled for a coughing fit, then continued. Needless to say, it took a while to get to the gas station even with it being so close.

The knife was still in the firm clutch of her hand, and she had careful eyes surveying every move the man on her shoulder made — whether he raised a hand to cover his mouth or stooped his head to look to the pavement below them.

It was dawning on her that maybe this wasn't the best idea ever when they reached the outside of the gas station and she was nervously staring at the light shining through the see-through doors, wondering whether or not to bring him inside. Because he'd either sensed her dilemma or was just tired of walking, he fell from her side and to the ground just outside the doors she was about to walk him through.

"Ah, are you OK!?" Rae fell to the pavement beside him, letting the door she'd opened close at a snail's pace behind her.

"I'm fine, just get me the shit — or whatever you're gunna' do." His breathing was choppy and he was hacking, but she got up and hurried into the store to get him things to sate whatever injuries he had. There was a limited amount of items the small store offered, but rubbing alcohol, bandaids — even if they were Ninja Turtle themed —, and Advil were still readily available.

As Rae was speeding around the store, making her last trip over to get some water, she heard the sound of an engine and turned to see a truck pull up by a pump outside. She froze behind a shelf, waiting to make sure it didn't look like any suspicious person who might have come back to visit the wounded stranger, but it was just a woman, and Rae sighed and turned her attention back to gathering her supplies and checking out.

The clerk was an older man with a pleasant face that bagged her goods efficiently and had her hurrying out of the doors again to treat the injured guy.

Who wasn't there anymore.

Rae stared at the spot he was supposed to be at for a second before glancing over the entire premises, looking around the corner and then behind the shop before returning to the front and letting her hand drag over her face.

"Oh God, what am I doing?"