9 Chapter 9 1/2

Snap Back to Reality 9

To my utter dismay we didn't just go back home when we reached Konoha. Instead we reported to the mission's desk, where the Hokage actually greeted us this time. I hadn't seen much of this man before, and so it was always an awe inducing moment when we did. He gave us a tired smile and then I realised that while I would be getting a few weeks off, this man was working non-stop at all hours of the day. My respect for the old man just shot through the roof at my realisation.

"Hokage-sama," Gaku greeted professionally but kindly.

"Gaku-san, I've read some of the mission reports. I'm truly sorry it's been such a hard time for you and your student on your first mission outside Konoha."

"That's ok, we came out alive. That's all that matters," Gaku said casually.

"Yes, I'm glad to hear. Hina-chan correct?" the Hokage asked, for the first time looking at me.

"Y-yes Hokage-sama," I replied as professionally as I could. It wouldn't do me any good to look silly in front of a military dictator would it.

"At ease Hina-chan," he chuckled, and I deflated slightly in embarrassment. "I've heard about your professionalism and contribution out at the border post. Everyone is very impressed."

"Thank you," I said a little stumped. I hardly did anything… actually well I did do things, but nothing that everyone else wasn't already doing. Then it struck me… oh yeah, I was a kid to them. Of course it was a little odd that a child my age would show the maturity and quick thinking I did in the situations we were put in.

"For your notable hard work I have decided that you and Gaku-san will not be posted on border patrol but will rather be taken for mission orders in short bursts."

"Hai Hokage-sama!" I said in disbelief.

In other words You've turned out to be a future asset so we're not going to throw your ass constantly out in the front lines for you to die. Well it was that in not so many words, and with a subtler tone. If the Hokage thought I was good enough to be considered a future asset to the village, who was I to protest? I looked up at sensei who had a proud look on his face. So he realised the hidden meaning behind the Hokage's words too.

"You will have a week break and a further 2 months training period before your next mission. Thank you for your service," he said with a smile.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," Gaku said with a grin as he bowed to which I copied lagging after him. I sent the Hokage a smile, because the man was actually smiling at me and it would be rude not to return it. Wow, the way he managed to exude kindness while still maintaining respect and professionalism was kind of awe inspiring.

"I want to go dunk myself in an onsen and stay in there for a week," I said stretching my limbs out like a cat after the door closed behind us.

"How about you go back to your family first kiddo," sensei snorted.

"That too," I grumbled. "But I smell like I've run a marathon in Suna for a month!"

"Well I have to go back to my lovely wife. Say bye, Yama."

Yama whined, nudging my chest and I hugged the dog back as he licked me. I was so desensitised to the slobber that it didn't even bother me anymore.

"I'm going to miss you too buddy," I chuckled.

"Don't be dramatic, I expect us to go out for celebration dinner in two days."

"Of course Gaku-sensei!" I beamed, my mood lifting.

I waved a goodbye before taking off over the rooftops with ease I wouldn't have managed just a few months ago. I had changed a lot, and I wasn't exaggerating when I said that. I was just glad to be alive and judging from the pay I had collected from the Hokage, my whole family could live comfortably for the next half year on it. I was grinning like a madman when I got home. I barely even noticed the civilians giving me a curious look, because I spotted my dad. He didn't notice midget-me until I crashed into him with a hug. He let out a shocked sound before noticing me.

"Hina!"

"Tousan!"

"Hina, you're back," he said tears prickling his eyes as he knelt down and pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged him back, taking in the scent of fresh bread and pastry. I had missed this scent. We stayed in a tight embrace for what felt like a lot longer than it would normally last when I heard Taichi's voice.

"Hi-chan!"

I was barrelled into by my older brother who had grown a few more inches taller in the time I was away. I laughed glad that he was here. The two men in my life pulled away when I turned my head to see mother looking at me wide eyed. My eyes trailed from her face to her stomach and I gaped for a second. Yua was pregnant!

I walked up to the stunned woman and tentatively put my hand on her stomach with wide eyes. I was going to have a little sibling. To my surprise a slender hand rested on my head and I looked up to see mom smiling at me, her eyes glistening with tears.

"I'm glad you're alive," she whispered.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I focused on her belly again. "I'm going to be an older sister," I said with a grin.

"You are," she smiled back.

Wow. That was awesome!

"Come on, let's take this conversation away from the shop," tousan said gesturing me to go up stairs with him. I nodded gratefully, suddenly aware of the whispers from the civilian women who had come to buy bread. They all waited patiently, probably knowing that I had just come home after months at war. I couldn't care less what they thought. I made it back alive.

I didn't regale stories of war with my parents. They didn't ask either and honestly; they didn't need to. I had scars everywhere to show for it. I had a few kunai wounds, the most noticeable one being the one I got when I stopped a kunai with my hand. I had a few lightning scars from my last battle with a team of Kumo-nin and Iwa-nin combining forces. There were smaller cuts and nicks everywhere, including a few on my face telling stories of how close weapons came to kill me. Most of all, I had that look on my face, the look of someone so completely exhausted that it was almost always associated with the ninjas that went out into the front lines for extended periods of time. I really didn't want to grow up with Itachi level eye bags, but if my career was any indication, I probably would end up with them. I looked too old for my childish body. I looked like a mini-soldier and so I couldn't fault the civilians, and even some Shinobi, for being put off by my appearance and attitude.

The first thing I did was dunk myself in my hot tub for about an hour until my skin pruned and all the dirt and grime and been soaked out of my skin. I used a few fire jutsu to keep the tub all hot and toasty which was just great. I'd missed bath time. Dunking yourself in a cold river with a bunch of other naked women was not bath time, that was mandatory hygiene time.

Once I was out, I tied my now shoulder length hair into a bunch at the bottom of my neck and cut it all off, and then proceeded to cut my side bangs chin length again. Feeling the weight off my head (literally), I dressed in my casual green slacks and tight turtleneck black top before going downstairs.

"Hina… you know you didn't have to—" dad said as he looked at the slip of paper I had left out.

"I do. I know we don't have the money. It's why I graduated early," I said absently.

"Hina, it's not your job to look after us," dad sighed, running his fingers through his dark brown hair.

"It is. You're my family, and that means your problem is my problem," I said resolutely.

"Come here," he said pulling me into a hug. He kissed the top of my head. "You've grown up so fast, and into such a fine young woman. I'm just sorry I couldn't be the kind of dad you could look up to."

"What are you talking about tousan?" I asked.

Then I noticed the dark look in his eyes, the bags under his eyes and how slumped his posture had become recently. The house looked a little less maintained and I realised that maybe things weren't as good as they seemed.

"I was going to sell the bakery before you came back," he sighed.

"But- but it's been in our family for years," I said, and then I shook my head, because no he didn't need to hear this from me. "You're not a bad father. We're just going through a rough patch, and I-I had a solution, so I took it."

"I just wish you didn't have to risk your life for it. You're too young to be out there," he sighed aggravatedly. "What you've done for our family though… I couldn't be more grateful."

"Thanks tousan," I whispered, and then I looked around. "Where's kaasan?"

Tousan looked angry for a moment and then sad again. He winced as he caught my eye. "She went out."

"But I just got back home, doesn't she want to have lunch with me?" I asked, my eyes downcast.

"She just needs time Hi-chan… she—"

"—She doesn't have time for her own daughter?" I asked, my voice raising an octave. "I thought—I thought she would at least be happy to see me. Why does she hate me?!"

"She doesn't hate you," dad sighed, which just made me angrier.

"Then why does she never look me in the eye? Why does she push me away? What did I do to deserve this kind of hate from her?" I asked in growing pain.

When she had put her hand on my head and said she was glad I was alive… was that all a lie? Why was she doing this to me?

"She doesn't hate you Hina, she's just a weak woman. She's not as strong as you," he said bringing my attention back.

"What do you mean? It doesn't take a lot to just acknowledge your own child after they've been at war for months!"

"Hina, she's afraid."

"What's she got to be afraid of! I'm the one out there fighting people, not her!"

"Hina, come back!"

I didn't want to hear anything anymore. I was angry and when I was like this, nothing could quell my temper but time, so I stormed out. Taichi wasn't here… did mom—she took him with her! I felt the hurt overpower my rage for a second. I trained my ass off to graduate early for her, I spent 3 months in hell working day and night for her, and she dare take Taichi away from me like I was some… some…

WHY

I didn't care that people were staring at me as I stormed out of the shop. I was tearing up pathetically in front of this audience though and I felt ashamed of it. I hated when people saw me emotional. It wasn't something I could take. The vulnerability I showed now was humiliating so I pushed back the tears as I ran out, using my chakra to take my feet across the village, until I didn't even recognise where I was. It didn't matter. I slumped down by a tree and buried my face into my knees.

Stupid emotions. Stupid, stupid expectations. I had a loving mother before. So why did it hurt so much that Yua was rejecting me? I wasn't a kid anymore… right? How much was this stupid baby body effecting my emotions and my expectations? Had it instinctually sought out the love of a parent despite my mind being well past that desire. I didn't know, all I knew was that it hurt. It hurt worse than having my ribs cracked back and seared into place.

"Hina-chan?"

I snapped my head up to see Obito there, and I wiped at my eyes furiously. Damn, why did he have to catch me here, crying of all things. I sniffled pathetically, giving up on looking put together. I hoped he would go away, leave me alone entirely, but he just sat down besides me, tilting his head my way in worry.

"G-go away," I muttered, burying my face back into my knees. Stupid emotions!

"Are you alright?" he asked carefully.

"M' fine," I said muffled.

"You know when I'm sad I laugh, and then the bad feelings go away," Obito suggested awkwardly.

I took in a deep breath and calmed myself down, but kid or not, I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I just wanted to wallow in self-pity alone. Unfortunately 6-year-old Obito didn't quite understand that concept.

"Everyone's going to be really happy to know you've come back," he continued. "Guy has been constantly crying every day that you haven't come back. Even Kurenai and Asuma have been asking the missions desk if you've been back."

"Really?" I asked looking up, because that had taken me off guard.

"Really! So um… why don't we go hang out with them! I'm sure it'll make them happy and it'll make you happy!"

"Ok," I relented because this really was the best way to get my thoughts of things. Goddamn I did not need Obito squirming his way into my heart with that utterly innocent smile of his. Wasn't he meant to go on and cause the massacre of his entire clan or something? I couldn't see a trace of that here, just a small kid who had a big heart. I let him help me up. He was a short little thing. I was about a head taller than him, but then again, I was taller than most people my age. Hanging around adults had muddled my concept of the appropriate height for ages. I considered myself a midget when really, I was anything but.

"How do we even know where they are?" I asked.

"They'll be at the Academy," he shrugged.

"Wait, why aren't you at the Academy?"

I got a cheeky grin in response and I let out a sigh. "Today was history and that's boring so I snuck out to throw kunai!"

"How are you going to pass if you keep skipping classes?" I huffed.

"Ugh, you sound like the clan heads," he said sticking out his tongue.

"Don't be a child," I admonished.

"You wanna hang out or not?"

"Ok just for today," I relented as we snuck into the Academy gates, which was considerably easier when you looked like a kid.

We waited outside for a bit and when the lunch bell rang Obito and I split up. The plan was that I would grab Guy, and Obito would grab Kurenai, Asuma and we'd sneak out. I was hiding behind a bush around the route Guy took often for his runs and when he came around, I grabbed him like the stealthy ninja I was and back into the bushes.

"HINA-CHAN!"

"Shush," I said quickly closing his mouth with my hand.

To my surprise Guy didn't scream, his dark eyes just glistened with tears and he threw me into a crushing hug. I let out a sound of distress as I could feel the strain of his goddamn too ripped muscles.

"You're killing my Guy," I said breathless.

"Sorry, I am just so relieved," he said in a whisper.

Wow could Guy whisper? I felt like this was a special moment, so I let him linger in his affection before my quota for the day was met. I pulled away my hands on his shoulder as I gave him the best grin I could. He sniffled at my reassurance.

"Ok so the plan is we're going to sneak out and regroup with Obito, Kurenai and Asuma at the big sakura tree outside the gate."

Guy shouted his agreement to which I nearly facepalmed before I grabbed his hand and ran to the gate. I didn't blame the Chunin sensei's for not noticing us sneaking away. When you had about 60 other brats to take care of, your attention was rather divided. To my surprise when we reached the tree even Rin was there. I didn't think she was the kind of person to sneak out. Kurenai gave me a relieved hug and I hugged back the red eyed girl awkwardly. Asuma, the ultimate dude bro he was, just shot me a cool wave which I couldn't help but reciprocate.

"Welcome back Hina-san," Rin waved.

"I'm so glad you're back Hina-chan," Kurenai breathed in relief. "You were gone for so long."

"You got some cool scars huh?" Asuma said nodding in approval.

I rolled my eyes at that. Of course as children they all assumed this was a lot more glorious than it seemed, but I couldn't help but puff out in a bit of pride. I mean the scars were kinda cool, because the reminded me how hard I fought just to stay alive out there. In the grander scheme of things this war was kind of meaningless, like all wars were, but when you were just a normal person trying to survive, every single reminder of living was a blessing.

"YOUR FIERY SPIRIT OF YOUTH HAS NOT DIMINISHED HINA-CHAN!"

Guy took me into a bone crushing hug again which I somehow managed to worm my way out of. Obito laughed at my misery before Guy crushed him too. Hah! See how you like it brat! We made our way to the customary dango stand where we normally celebrated. I noticed Obito sending me odd looks as Rin chatted with Kurenai and Asuma, Guy trailing along like a rather enthusiastic puppy. I didn't bring my wallet but to my surprise Obito of all people offered to pay for me. I declined of course, but then all the kids ended up scrounging up precious coins for me. I felt more than a little flattered, considering that I was probably infinitely richer than them having done service in the border post for 3 months, which mind you, had the equivalent of several D ranks, a dozen C ranks, two B ranks and even an A rank when the Earthquake Iwa-nin was involved. I was practically loaded with money… which was an average amount for a ninja, but to a kid like me was essentially millions.

"Hey Hina-chan," Obito finally asked as he sat down next to me by the river.

"Yeah?"

"How did you become so strong?" he asked.

I took a moment to think about it. A head start was one of the reasons for sure. My body was moulded to be faster and stronger than the kids my age because I had needed to pull up my yang energy. I was sure in a few years when the boys hit puberty, they would unfairly become stronger than me. Besides my physical strength, I just naturally was more aware of my chakra and hence had more control of it than most Shinobi. I also had the mental fortitude of someone who'd been in the scientific field for quite a while, someone who had a PHD on Biochemistry and the Immune System. I had a whole lifetime of experience to go on, and future knowledge on this world to make sure I made decisions that were relatively more informed than the average person.

"I take this life very seriously," I eventually decided to say.

"I do to! I wanna be Hokage!" Obito declared.

I levelled him a serious look and his fanfare quieted down as he looked almost downcast. He probably thought I was going to shoot down his dream. I was… but he needed to hear this.

"You won't be Hokage the way you are right now," I said sharply.

"Everyone says that, but they'll see," he huffed angrily.

"I didn't say you could never become Hokage, I just said you couldn't the way you are right now. You don't understand what it means yet to be in that position, kid. Leadership positions are often not best given to people who want recognition, but to people who are willing to serve others."

Man that was my Christian background talking. I was never really that into religion ever being an agnostic and all, but something about the way Jesus portrayed being a leader spoke to me… an idealistic part of me at least. A leader was someone that served others. It's why I never wanted to be a leader. Too much responsibility. I'd much rather be a researcher, a scholar or someone in a field of study because that was where I thrived. I desperately wanted to just screw the whole ninja war thing and go to college… but there wasn't a college here. Knowledge was shirked away to be known by the few lucky ones, the general population only ever learning basic literacy and arithmetic. Just enough to do their jobs. The scientists and engineers were rare, all coming from the richest of society, more often than not from the Daimyos courts rather than a ninja village. Of course it was my luck to be born with the wizard assassins and not to a rich noble house where I could have revolutionised the backwards scientific fields here.

"I'm going to be the best leader! Just watch, I'm going to serve the crap out of everyone!"

I snorted, pulled back from my musings as Obito continued his tirade. Kami, was he just Naruto in Uchiha skin? Still a part of me couldn't help but root for him, because all things considered, he was actually a pretty genuine kid. I mean most kids were genuine, but he saw a crying girl and decided to help instead of awkwardly running away like most boys his age would do. Also the whole nepotism business with only the Senju descendants ever getting a spot in the Hokage position seemed kind of unfair. It seemed about time an Uchiha got up there.

"Good luck Obito-kun," I said gently punching his shoulder.

He grinned at me and I couldn't help but smile back. Then I tiredly looked back at the river, glistening under the sun as people milled across the bridge. Huh… this was an oddly anime moment. All the kids here together sitting by a river eating dango. It felt so surreal. I turned to Guy and looked at the baby fat on his cheeks, his still stubby little hands and feet and then I turned back to the river. Children. I didn't think I'd befriend any kids. I wasn't much of a kid person, I'd never wanted to start a family with children in it, being so career focused, but hanging out with these kids made me realise what I might have missed out on. I was stupidly protective of little things after all.

We talked about random things, things only little kids could really pull up in a conversation so seriously, like how there was a hunk of a Uchiha in one of the older classes, how the Aburame boy in their year had the most angry wasps in his colony. It was recounted with arbitrary fervour as I watched them talk, learn and converse in a way only children could. It was kind of relaxing.

"So you need more yin energy to produce that green chakra?" I asked.

Hanami sighed and nodded. I was bugging her now, but honestly, I just didn't want to have to go home and because I was on mandatory leave for a week, that meant sensei would get on my ass for training. I got in trouble when the Chunin realised I had snuck out some Academy students, and then a lengthy lecture about how it was unbecoming of a Genin to pull such immature acts. The Chunin sensei who had lectured me went on for so long I had to interrupt to go for a bathroom break. Ugh. Troublesome.

"Yes Hina, but it takes a lot of practice and not everyone can do it," Hanami replied patiently.

"How does it instantly fix tissue? Does it replicate cells? If chakra is life energy, then does that mean it can cause a form of cellular regeneration? Oh Kami, that's amazing! It's like mitosis on steroids! Wow are there any chakra papers on what exactly chakra is or is it just magic? Inexplainable?"

I realised my curiosity had gotten the better of me because Hanami was just staring at me mouth open. I let out a resounding 'uhhhh' that made me feel so stupid. I was an idiot! How the heck was I going to explain mitosis? Was mitosis even a thing here or was I just ranting of random English words.

"Sometimes you say the weirdest things. How did you figure out it fixes tissue and what is mitosis?"

"Oh I just… guessed? And ah—mitosis is like when cells replicate?"

"And why would you call that mitosis?"

"I guess I just didn't know the proper word for it, so I made up one," I shrugged averting my eyes.

Hanami snorted before her suspicion dropped and she smiled fondly. "You know you're wasting your talents out there fighting. Maybe I should help get you sponsored," she pondered.

"Sponsored?" I asked, perking up.

"Well there are requirements that you don't meet yet, but once this war is over, I'll see to it that you join the Nara research team. I'm sure you'll do good there."

"What are the requirements?" I asked.

"Well you'd have to be apprenticed for at least 5 years before getting a research grant. Either you were accredited by a tutor or you specialise in a chakra research RnD field, but you'd have to be at least a Tokubetsu Jounin to join."

"Why in the name of Madara's spinning red balls would you need to be Jounin level to get a research grant? That makes absolutely no sense at all," I said in exasperation.

"Well the information you'd become privy to is purely confidential village secrets, so either you prove yourself trustworthy as a Jounin or you prove your knowledge and character to a Teacher."

"Ugh, life would be so much easier if we just had a universal college. Free of expense," I grumbled. "Think of how fast this world would progress!"

Hanami scoffed at the idea of free and equal education. I had to remind myself that while my ideas were the norm in my old world, in the Elemental Nations information was hoarded and not treated as something for the masses but to keep those in power strong. I hated it with a passion. It irked me more when it came to the scientific and medical field. I was sure there were very specialised Iryo-nins out there who could have done a world of good if they just shared their knowledge. Stupid ninjas and their stupid secrets.

"Troublesome," I grumbled.

Hanami just laughed, a note of approval in her eyes. I rolled my eyes. Kami, I sounded like a Nara too much for my liking. I needed to change the topic. Questioning the state of the village governance for too long was risky here.

"How's Shikaku-san doing? I haven't seen him in forever. I miss playing shogi with him," I sighed.

"The war's made everyone work overtime you know. Shikaku-sensei happens to be a busy man as head Jounin Commander and Clan head. He probably won't have the time to see you until the war ends, but don't hold it against him."

"Ugh that sounds like such a drag. I'm glad I'm not him," I grumbled.

"Talking about responsibilities—I need to get back to work. My shift starts in five."

"Aww already?" I whined.

"Yes, now be a good little leaf and bug someone else."

"Fine," I grumbled, stabbing my katsudon.

"Hina—do find yourself a hobby outside of training, or you'll find that once this is all done and over, you won't have anything else."

Wow… what a way to drop that bomb on my head. With that Hanami rushed off back to her hospital shift and I stuffed my fried prawn into my mouth. I finished up my food before wondering just how my life was going to turn out here. The war would be going on for a while, in which time technology would remain stagnant, because here it was all about developing new jutsu to kill each other, not the best guns. Everyone involved in the scientific fields would be focused on helping war time efforts and even then, their research grants would probably have a sizable dent in the funding aspect of things.

In conclusion, I would not end up in my preferred career path for a long time coming.

I put on my favourite shiny kimono. It was the kind that sheened purple, teal and violet and with the patterns on it made me look like a particularly haughty peacock. I absolutely loved it. A part of me wished I could be sneaky enough one day to wear something as outlandish as this to a fight. Maybe I'd grow my green hair out to an absurdly long length and pierce my ears and adorn them with studded emeralds, the kind that were dangly and very impractical. Maybe I'd be so good that I could wear traditional sandals to a fight. Like a true flamboyant anime character!

I stopped my thoughts there. For now I would remain happy to just be extra on the occasion. I combed my birds' nest of a hair and pinned my side fringes with clips. I looked like a cute little muscly child. I wasn't exactly pretty, in fact normie beauty standards wise I looked just above average, but I had a thing for enjoying the fruits of my hard labour, and oh boy did my muscles look good. I pulled up my kimono sleeve and flexed at the mirror for a while, striking a few poses. I would look so cool in the future... if I ever reached S Rank that was. If I didn't get there I vowed to look as boring and plain as I normally do for the rest of my life. Only the strong could afford to stand out after all.