35| silent (pt.5)

Melinoe

"I love you, and I don't want to."-Billie Eilish, I love you.

***

"Papa." I walked my way towards him and engulfed him in a hug. "It's been so long," I said in midst of our hug.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too papa."

I broke free from the hug and was met with my father's smile. "Guys, I think we should go and check out the catering and if everything is all ready, right?"

"Oh yes. Definitely." I heard Ika say. "Bye boo. We'll see you later."

"Bye." I gave them all a smile and they left. "Want to sit down?"  I offered to my dad and he sat down on a stool that was placed next to my bed.  "Wow, my little girl is all grown up." he smiled. "You look beautiful sweetie."

"Thank you papa. You know," I paused. "I visited ma today." I said and he smiled again. "I hadn't visited her in that entire month because, you know how I feel about cemeteries. I  so wish she could be here, honestly. I know she'd be hugging me, telling I'm beautiful, telling me to stop with the sad talk on such a happy day. You know, even today I didn't wake up as happy as I expected but I think now I'm feeling more content-"

"What were you feeling before?"

"Mixed emotions." I shrugged. "But as I said, I'm much better. I've smiled and I've laughed. I think."

"Sweetie you know I just want you to be happy. You know that's all your mother and I would want. And if you're not ready, nobody is forcing you to do anything mija. If you're not ready, to go and meet him at the alter and walk down that aisle, then you're not ready. All that matters is your happiness and if you love Aaron truly. Do you feel like he is the one? The one who you're going to spend the rest of your life with and build a family with. Is he the man you can call the father of your kids?" 

I averted my gaze from my dads hazel green eyes and thought about his words for a second.

Is he the one?

My soon to be husband and father of my kids? For some unknown reason, my body didn't react to being with him for forever the way I expected it to and it was odd. "Yes papa. Of course I do." I answered looking bad at him.

"Don't ever do something you may regret later on."

"Okay, okay, I get it. I won't. I'll be happy papa, trust me. Tell me how have you been?"

"I-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt this beautiful father and daughter moment, but, it's time." I heard Jackson say and I knitted my brows.

Already?

"Okay, I'll be there in just a few." Jackson nodded with a smile and closed the door shut.

"My little girl is about to get married."

"Oh papa stop. I don't want to get emotional, I did that enough this morning this will ruin my makeup." I said and he smiled and stood up. "Okay then," he reached his hand out for me to take. "Just one thing," I rolled my head back with a small groan. "What?"

"I love you," I smiled and took his hand and stood up. "I love you too paps but come on, let's go."

***

It was now.

My one arm was locked with my dads and I looked at the scenery before my eyes. We weren't in a church, but there was the holy cross hung up in the air with a white rose's that had big green leaves that were decorating the alter. And that's when I saw Aaron, dressed in velvet black and white suit.

I took one step forward and the music started playing. All the guests stood up and I saw a lot of familiar faces. Anxiety began hitting me when I was halfway to the alter. The sound of my heart beating was echoing in my ears and for a second, it was like everybody could hear it. That's how loud it was.

My body started radiating with heat, from my face and ears, all the way to my arms and hands.

I hadn't realized that we were at the alter until I heard my dad whispering to me. I turned towards him and smiled slightly. His gaze averted from me to Aaron and they had some communication with their eyes and closed it off with a nod.

Right when I thought my body was going through enough, my eyes landed on Damon. He was adjacent to Aaron.

I gulped slightly and I felt my dad let go. Damon tore his gaze away and my heart sunk. I walked forward and was met face to face with another pair of blue eyes. "You look beautiful," Aaron whispered and I smiled.

"Ladies and gentlemen," The priest began. "we are gathered here in holy matrimony, to celebrate, the union of this man and this women as they embark on their journeys as a joined entity,"

"The holder of the ring please." On of the flower girls, Jackson's niece, walked towards the aisle with a royal velvet blue bag with the rings inside.

"Aaron Garcia," the priest began. "with this ring, do you take Melinoe Maria Luísa Montez, as your lawfully wedded wife? To love and respect, in the good times and the bad times, for richer or poor, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." He answered and slipped the diamond ring right where my engagement ring was.

"Melinoe Maria Luísa Montez,"

"With this ring, do you take Aaron Garcia as your lawfully wedded husband?

"To love and respect"

Yes.

"In the good times and the bad,"

Yes.

"For richer or poor,"

Yes.

"In sickness and in health,"

Yes.

"For as long as you both shall live?"

No.

I don't.

I can't- how can I? For the rest of my life is too long. Way too long.

"All I need is to see you happy to let you go. And I've finally seen it, he has become better, he makes you laugh and makes you happy. And with all that, I'm willing to let you go,"

"Our baby."

"You've lost me Damon."  He hasn't though. I loved Damon more, I love him more. And it took such a long time for me to even realize.

I averted my gaze to him and our eyes locked. He seemed to have realized my hesitation and he slightly shook his head 'no' and I averted my gaze back to Aaron who seemed a little nervous.

I forced a smile along with a fake laugh. Just to cover up my silence so that it wasn't awkward. "I do." My heart dropped at my own words and I noticed how Damon never shifted but it seemed like he wanted to get out of there immediately. "I now pronounce you, husband and wife. Aaron, you may now kiss your bride."

Aaron stepped closer and gently pulled me closer. His lips connected with mine and all the chills and sparks had died down, the moment it happened.

I regretted it already.

I regretted saying 'I do' to the man I didn't even love the way I always thought I did.