1 Chapter 1: Another Life
Pain.
What engulfed my body the moment the truck collided with me was pain.
And what followed was pressure, A squeezing pressure that constricted me like a bottle of ketchup being pressed by the hands of a hungry child, waiting for it to spray all over his food.
And that pressure hurt.
I screamed in pain as I felt my body stretch endlessly across the tight hold of the metaphorical ketchup bottle.
And my world was consumed by light.
"Congratulations, It's a boy. And a very healthy one at that,"
...Fuck.
...
"Ken, Are you ready for school?" The Japanese woman who has become my new mother called out from the kitchen.
The response she got from me was the indignant cry of a child who doesn't want to leave his house.
Hello, I'm Motohama Ken. I'm five years old and I live in the suburban district of Kuoh, where all the families live. I eat my vegetables and brush my teeth, keeping my young body healthy. I do not drink chocolate milk though I do partake in potato chips.
What I'm trying to say, is that I want to live a quiet and relaxing life, and any- "Ken, don't make me come up there!" My mother once again called.
"Ughh," I groan, displeased by my own family interrupting my Jojo reference.
Slowly trudging down the stair, making sure to create as much noise as my five-year-old body can make.
"There you are," Mom says as she watches me walk down the stairs "I put your lunchbox in your backpack already, Put on some shoes and I'll drive you to school."
Being a child is hard. All the exciting stuff you want to do is forbidden by your parents 'It's too dangerous' or 'You're not old enough'. You're forced to go to school and socialize with other children your age.
It's humiliating.
The car ride was short, a ten-minute drive to Kuoh South elementary.
"Have a good day," Mom said as she gave me an uncomfortably tight hug before she drove away to work. Leaving me outside an elementary school wearing a stupid uniform with a dumb backpack.
I make my way to class, walking by scores of mumbling children.
As I walk, I start scheming on my plan for world domination.
"First, buy Facebook stocks, use the money I get from Facebook to buy a load of bitcoin, sell the crypto in 2019 and become a millionaire, yes that's a good plan, yes," I mumble to myself, likely sounding like a creep to the other children around me.
I enter my classroom and take my seat. I ignore the children mumbling next to me as I continue working on my get-rich-in-20-years scheme.
Being born in 1992 makes making money that much easier since I know which companies are going to make massive bucks.
"Motohama-san, are you listening?" A young child asks me, interrupting my masterful plan of swimming in a vault of gold like Scrooge McDuck.
"Who are you?" I ask the offending child, his short hair making him look almost bald, and his ears are also larger than average, making him look somewhat like a monkey.
"Wha? I'm Matsuda! I've been sitting next to you for most of the year! How could you forget?" The child yells, alerting the entire class to the fact that I forgot his name.
Would it be better to tell him that I never bothered to remember?
Looking at the class full of disapproving glares from literal glue sniffers answers my question.
I might not like being a kid, but nobody wants to be that 'weird kid' or 'that guy'. Especially not when they're actively planning on becoming rich.
So, In order to save my character from being looked down upon by elementary school children, It seems I must apologize to monkey boy, I mean, Matsuda.
Bowing my head, I say "Sorry, I wasn't listening at the start of the year, I don't actually know anybody's names. Sorry," I bow again to the rest of the class, the room full of first graders nods in understanding before going back to whatever it is that crayon munchers do in their spare time.
"Oh," Matsuda said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, "I wanted to invite you over to my house after school. You don't have many friends and Dad bought me a new DVD of those American movies. Do you want to watch them with me?!" his tone turned from embarrassment into excitement very fast.
The emotional instability of a child is a powerful thing.
Truthfully, I couldn't care less about Matsuda and his DVD, but my character is on the line, and sacrifices must be made.
"Sure, I'll ask my mom when she comes to pick me up," I tell the monkey boy before turning away from him and back into my master plan.
Maybe I should buy a first-edition comic book? Collectors like those, right?
....
"Hey Motohama, Did you hear? A new student is being transferred into our class, what do you think about that?" It's been two years since Matsuda Oki befriended me, and now he no longer leaves my side at school.
Kids even started calling us the Silent-Sound duo, since I'm a quiet kid and he's obnoxious and loud.
"I don't know Matsuda, I haven't met them yet," I answer the monkey boy, not taking my eyes off the book I'm reading.
It's a story about a Sentai Warrior who fell in love with the evil witch, a nice twist on the tokusatsu genre.
Soon the bell rings and it's time for class to begin. The third graders all sit at their desks, mumbling excitedly about what the new transfer student might be.
"Maybe it's a prince from Europe," One girl said, "Maybe it's a werewolf," Another kid says, "Maybe it's the son of a Yakuza, making him both a prince and a werewolf," A third child chimed in.
I know the Yakuza are scary, but they aren't kings or werewolves!
Soon, the teacher entered the classroom. "Students, I know that-" Blah blah blah, I ignore the regular morning introductory and focus on the important parts.
"You may come in and introduce yourself," Teacher said as the door to the classroom opened and in walked a new student.
A bright red shirt under his regular school uniform, a head of brown hair, and two brown eyes. A regular-looking boy, all things considered.
Except the words that soon come out of his mouth.
"Hello," The boy bowed to the class in greeting before straightening himself and proclaiming in his childish voice, "My name is Hyoudou Issei, and my dream is to become the harem king,"
If I had a drink in my mouth, I would have spit it out at that moment. Where does this kid think he is? Perverts anonymous? This is a third-grade classroom in an elementary school! Does he even know what a harem is?!
What a joke!
"Umm, Very well then. Hyoudou-san, why don't you go sit next to Matsuda in the corner over there," The teacher said, expertly avoiding talking about the awful introduction that this Hyoudou kid just had.
The newly titled pervert boy takes a seat next to monkey boy, and introduces himself to his new neighbor.
"-and this is Motohama, he's really smart." I hear Matsuda introducing Issei to the wonderful mastermind that is none other than myself.
"Do you want to watch movies at my place? Motohama will be there" Wait what? you can't just say I'll be there, I need to tell Mom! I also can't be seen associating with the pervert boy, that will ruin my carefully planned character!
"Sure, sounds like fun," The pervert tells the monkey, And I knew that I had no choice but to dance to his tune or look like a dick.
I might actually be a dick, but I don't want people to know that!
...
That Day, The group that would in a different timeline be known as the Perverted Trio, was born.
